


bang chan & seven kids

by bluecalicocat



Series: supernatural stray kids [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Living Together, Multi, Polyamory, Texting, Vampires, Werewolves, i'm back on my jilix agenda, patricia the plant, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 31,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22547788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluecalicocat/pseuds/bluecalicocat
Summary: stray kids are supernatural creatures that live together and are in a relationship. they also have a group chat. it's about as chaotic as it sounds...-tiktokstargreat! but we need some type of beati think minho hyung should beatboxbinblackhe can't beatbox though..?tiktokstari know, and that's his charming point
Relationships: Bang Chan/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Hwang Hyunjin/Everyone, Kim Seungmin/Everyone, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Everyone, OT8 - Relationship, Seo Changbin/Everyone, Yang Jeongin | I.N/Everyone
Series: supernatural stray kids [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772200
Comments: 241
Kudos: 713





	1. sacred facebook comment section

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi and welcome to another Mess™!!  
> i hope you enjoy :)

**group chat: stray kids (8)**

12:22 pm

**hyunjin**  
help i'm turning into a dog

 **chan**  
i'm-...

 **jeongin**  
it's...

 **changbin**  
that's...

 **minho**  
bitch you're a fucking werewolf  
that's Supposed to happen

 **hyunjin**  
shut up sucker

 **changbin**  
please don't make jokes about sucking dick in the group chat

 **felix**  
not in this christian minecraft server!

 **jisung**  
not in this sacred facebook comment section!

 **hyunjin**  
oh i was talking about bloodsucking, but now that you mention it...

 **chan**  
i have many regrets :/

 **felix**  
oh linda i didn't see you at the neighborhood barbecue last week

 **jisung**  
yeah that's right karen, i had to drive my youngest son to football practice  
you know, his team won gold last week! i'm so proud of him!

 **felix**  
yeah, well, my daughter lindsey actually went up in level in gymnastics this weekend!  
they grow up so fast..

 **jisung**  
oh sweetie just wait until you send your first one off to college..

 **felix**  
ah, i think i can relate, you know i sent my oldest to that prestigious boarding school last year

 **jisung**  
oh yes that's right, i remember  
chad, was it?

 **felix**  
yes!  
speaking of kids, i haven't seen caitelynne around much lately?

 **jisung**  
oh yes, she's been very busy with swim practice and student council and her extra job at the cafe and her babysitting job and weekly tutoring and studying so that she maintains A's in every single subject  
i'm so proud of her :')

 **felix**  
oh, i feel the same about my own little munchkins...

 **jisung**  
but how are you and robert doing? i've noticed he comes home later than usual nowadays. i hope everything's alright with you two  
it would be a shame to see such a beautiful marriage collapse...

 **felix**  
we're swell, thanks for asking.

 **jisung**  
...o-kay  
but i feel so bad about missing the barbecue last week! i should make it up to everyone by hosting a dinner party at my house next friday

 **felix**  
for sure, i'll be there! i might even bring the kids

 **jisung**  
oh, i thought lindsey would be too busy with gymnastics?

 **felix**  
no i'm sure she can find time! i can bring my famous meat pie, made from aunt theresa's original recipe!

 **jisung**  
oh... are you sure the recipe is not a little... outdated?

 **felix**  
stfu bitch my meat pie is SUPERB  
your lasagna is NOTHING compared to my FORMIDABLE pie!!!

 **jisung**  
stfu u dumb fuck, i know your marriage is collapsing! robert doesn't even love you anymore, kenneth told me he heard so from robert himself!

 **felix**  
oh, as if you and kenneth are doing much better in the love department! i know he cheated on you with that secretary of his!

 **jisung**  
WHY would you bring that up when you KNOW i have an inferiority complex..!

 **felix**  
well MAYBE i would like to be the one to tell you how wonderful you are everyday, to kiss you goodnight before bed, and make sure you know how WONDERFUL your lasagna truly is...

 **jisung**  
karen... do you really mean that?

 **felix**  
of course linda! i could never lie to you  
i've had my eye on you ever since you and kenneth moved in next to us that faithful day thirteen years ago...

 **jisung**  
this might sound crazy, but i love you, and i want to run away together

 **felix**  
linda i love you too! ah, it feels so good to finally be able to say it  
let's kill our husbands and abandon our children and drive off into the sunset in that new tesla i got because i just care about the environment THAT much

 **jisung**  
my love... that sounds PERFECT

 **felix**  
ah, come on sweetie! let's run!

 **jisung**  
yes!

-

1:24 pm

**seungmin**  
what...  
the FUCK...  
did i just miss??? 


	2. the clubpack

**group chat: stress kids (8)**

9:15 am

**minho**  
sometimes we want our insides a little extra wet

 **changbin**  
for FUCK's sake minho

 **chan**  
it's nine in the goddamn morning

 **seungmin**  
literally all you had to do was keep your mouth shut

 **felix**  
ohmygosh

 **jeongin**  
do your ever just have an inappropriate thought and think "hmm i could keep this to myself"

 **hyunjin**  
yeah... minho hyung can't relate

 **minho**  
guys...  
i was talking about how i'm craving soup  
soup is wet, and it goes in your stomach

 **felix**  
oooh...

 **hyunjin**  
oh yeah,,, maybe that makes more sense (??)

 **minho**  
but now that you mention it, yeah i'd be down to get some cum inside of me

 **chan**  
aaand here we go again

 **hyunjin**  
mINHO NO...!!!  
there are minors present!!

 **jeongin**  
there literally isn't  
i'm literally in college  
a literal adult  
literally no minors are present

 **seungmin**  
literally, dude

 **hyunjin**  
i was referring to every single person in this chat but ok  
also: stop saying literally

 **felix**  
but we're not minors??

 **changbin**  
children are minors and you all behave like children

 **jeongin**  
...can't argue with that

 **seungmin**  
i mean, there's a reason we call our pack stray kids  
chan hyung stop

 **chan**  
i didn't even say anything???

 **jisung**  
lmao  
he knew you were gonna say smth about how this isn't a pack, it's a COVEN or a CLAN or whatever that's more fitting for vampires

 **chan**  
i mean, it is

 **minho**  
aaand here we go again

 **chan**  
a pack makes it sound like we're a group of werewolves

 **hyunjin**  
we are

 **chan**  
a group of ONLY werewolves  
and last time i counted, we had 4 vampires in the group

 **felix**  
count again

 **jeongin**  
felix hyung what does that M E A N...?  
why would he count again?? no one else has joined the group since he counted last

 **felix**  
count again (:

 **minho**  
cursed

 **changbin**  
that smiley is cursed

 **hyunjin**  
JINX

 **jisung**  
JINX!

 **hyunjin**  
omg jinx again!

 **jisung**  
jinx again!!

 **chan**  
no i'm not counting again  
felix what are you talking about?  
anyway  
back to my POINT, which you're all completely missing,,,

 **jisung**  
oh no we're not missing it

 **minho**  
we're ignoring it

 **chan**  
minsung? you too??  
you're both vampires, you should be on my side in this

 **minho**  
loyalty? idk her

 **jisung**  
i mean, i agree that i don't like how the word pack sounds, but it's not like i rly care that much about what we call ourselves

 **hyunjin**  
let's vote!  
do we call ourselves a pack, coven or club??

 **seungmin**  
...hyunjin, the last option was clan  
not club

 **hyunjin**  
oh okay then  
we vote between pack, coven, club or coven!

 **jisung**  
club!

 **felix**  
club!!

 **seungmin**  
pack

 **jeongin**  
Paaaack

 **changbin**  
Pack!

 **hyunjin**  
pack :D

 **minho**  
club!

 **chan**  
...

 **seungmin**  
oooh  
anyone who can do math knows that chan can now either vote for coven/clan, in which case pack still wins  
OR he votes for club, in which case we'll be tied

 **hyunjin**  
lmao  
can't wait to see how this plays out

 **chan**  
i don't really have a choice here...  
my vote goes to club

 **jisung**  
lmaooo

 **seungmin**  
then i guess we're calling ourselves a clubpack!

 **minho**  
holy shit no!  
i take it back, i vote for pack  
sorry channie but it had to be done

 **felix**  
yoU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM

 **jeongin**  
omg i just watched felix hyung almost drop his phone as he hurried to type that  
the stress is real

 **chan**  
hmrhgh...  
i miss the time when vampires were the majority in this group..

 **hyunjin**  
that.. never happened..?

 **chan**  
yes it did  
once upon a long, long time ago

 **jisung**  
it's true i can confirm

 **changbin**  
well i, for one, don't miss those times

 **chan**  
only because you were the one being outnumbered

 **hyunjin**  
ooh  
sometimes i forget Things Happened before all eight of us got together  
like, i forget that all of us didn't just magically start dating one day all at the same time

 **felix**  
yeah same

 **seungmin**  
it feels like it's been all of us since forever

 **jisung**  
o o f  
i mean i've been here since the beginning and i still relate

 **changbin**  
jisung & chan are privileged for being the first two in this group  
i vote we Take Them Down

 **seungmin**  
nO we will NOT do that!!

 **changbin**  
aww but i wanna

 **seungmin**  
No.

 **minho**  
interesting conversation but i still haven't got any soup  
or cum for that sake

 **chan**  
Lee Minho.

 **minho**  
is then when i, as the kids say, "gotta blast"?

 **jisung**  
Yes  
yes it is

 **minho**  
well then, it's been a pleasure knowing you guys

 **felix**  
likewise

 **jisung**  
hyung, you will be missed

 **hyunjin**  
R.I.P

 **jeongin**  
...

 **seungmin**  
absolute idiots, i'm telling you

 **jeongin**  
yeah, no shit

 **seungmin**  
...i'm not gonna comment on that  
i've had enough for today


	3. fite to the death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung wants to fight, it accidentally turns it into a war, and then they reminisce about how their group was formed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahhahaha what is this

**group chat: stray cheese (8)**

4:33 pm

**jisung**  
if opportunity presented itself, i would fite most of you to the death

 **minho**  
most of us??  
why not all of us???

 **jisung**  
hyung, be real with me  
you could not look jeongin in the eyes and then fite him to the death  
you simply Could Not

 **minho**  
a point has been made  
but besides jeongin, then yeah you're right, i'd fight all of you to death

 **hyunjin**  
same!!!

 **felix**  
some a bit more hesitantly than others, but yeah jisung's right

 **seungmin**  
we could do it right now  
a fun weekend activity: fighting

 **changbin**  
jeongin could be the judge

 **jeongin**  
i'm... pretty sure it'll be quite obvious when someone loses  
considering they would be, y'know... Dead

 **changbin**  
ah, that is true

 **hyunjin**  
we don't need a judge

 **chan**  
please guys,, don't actually start a war

 **minho**  
gASP  
chan hyung improved it!  
fight -> battle -> WAR

 **hyunjin**  
oh yeah let's start a war! vampires vs werewolves!

 **changbin**  
oh yeah, that way we're even since chan hyung and jeonginnie aren't participating!

 **jisung**  
true! then we're 3 against 3!

 **minho**  
but how will we know that jeongin won't help the werewolves??

 **jeongin**  
I have no Loyalty to Anyone

 **hyunjin**  
that is true

 **felix**  
oh yeah i think we can trust him

 **chan**  
there will be no fighting

 **hyunjin**  
you can't stop us!  
we can fight whoever we wanna!

 **chan**  
but WHY would you chose each other to fight??

 **jisung**  
lots of reasons

 **chan**  
guys come on, don't fight  
we're family!

 **hyunjin**  
aren't families supposed to be similar?  
cause we're nothing alike

 **chan**  
well,,, there's one thing you all have in common

 **changbin**  
and what is that?

 **chan**  
you all lack self-preservation skills

 **minho**  
true dat

 **chan**  
and another thing-  
you were all dumb enough to follow a complete stranger home

 **jisung**  
tbh i don't think it had anything to do with how dumb i am, i just didn't care

 **seungmin**  
yeah same  
i understood the danger but didn't care enough to act accordingly

 **changbin**  
...that doesn't make it any better

 **jisung**  
it's the truth ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯  
chan hyung invited me to his house six years ago and i was like "i met the guy five minutes ago, don't know anything about him, but yeah let's go!"

 **chan**  
i-...  
i hate how accurate that is

 **hyunjin**  
oh wow  
is that how you met chan hyung???

 **jisung**  
i was a mere baby vampire living on the streets when hyung offered to take me home  
he was a complete stranger...  
so of course i said yes!

 **chan**  
oh yeah

 **changbin**  
and then he did the same thing with the rest of us  
it was quite anmoying for those of us who were there early

 **jisung**  
oh yeah we just had to watch chan hyung pick people from the streets

 **chan**  
i regret it more and more with every day that passes...

 **changbin**  
jisung you literally begged him to let felix move in with us  
come to think of it, i think you were the most excited about every new person...

 **felix**  
:D

 **minho**  
yeah yeah we've established that we have A Past™  
can we start fighting now???

 **seungmin**  
minho hyung might be 70 years old but he is still impatient as fuck

 **minho**  
i am 73 years old you ignorant piece of moldy white bread

 **seungmin**  
...i n t er e s t i ng

 **jeongin**  
y'all are WEird

 **chan**  
i stand by what i said earlier  
there shall be no fighting

 **changbin**  
ohh!  
minho hyung, i challenge you to a race in mario kart!

 **chan**  
ohmygod nO..!  
a war would be better than this..

 **minho**  
but i always lose :/

 **seungmin**  
you tried it once and lost

 **minho**  
is that not what i just said  
i always lose :/

 **hyunjin**  
always = one time  
you lost one time hyung

 **felix**  
i'm sure you could beat bin hyung if we help distract him

 **changbin**  
hEY..!

 **minho**  
oh okay!  
then let's go binnie!

 **changbin**  
...okay :)

 **chan**  
another disaster was just skillfully avoided

 **seungmin**  
avoided?  
i think playing mario kart counts as a pretty big disaster

 **chan**  
well... at least they won't be running around?

 **seungmin**  
not for now at least..

 **chan**  
wow  
i can't wait to see what they do next


	4. got7 fanfiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix makes a vine reference, seungmin probably gets murdered, and jeongin is an enabler

**group chat: stray lids (8)**

8:28 pm

**changbin**  
who in this group do you think is the most likely to write got7 fanfiction??

 **hyunjin**  
oh uuh.. ahahha why do you ask?

 **changbin**  
just curious..?  
why do you sound so worried?🤨

 **jisung**  
lmao

 **hyunjin**  
stfu jisung literally no one asked you

 **chan**  
...wow, uuh  
i'm not sure what's going on here but ok

 **felix**  
i think it's hyunjin!

 **hyunjin**  
¿ wHY mE ?¿?¿??

 **changbin**  
yeah same  
it's just a vibe i get

 **seungmin**  
lol

 **hyunjin**  
stfu seungmin literally no one asked you

 **minho**  
why do i feel like hyunjin has written got7 fanfiction and jisung & seungmin are the only ones here who know about it and that's why hyunjin keeps telling them to shut up

 **jisung**  
...

 **seungmin**  
...

 **hyunjin**  
wow ahahhah that's so specific hyung heheheh  
what makes you think that???

 **minho**  
leterally every part of this entire conversation has led me to that conclusion

 **hyunjin**  
and LETERALLY everything you just said is wrong hyung  
ahhahah why would i write got7 fanfiction  
it's not like i can write anyway

 **chan**  
felix, don't

 **felix**  
...how did you know??

 **chan**  
it's like a sixth sense at this point  
i can tell every time you're about to make a vine reference

 **jeongin**  
what a useful superpower  
can't believe we've made it this far in life without chan hyung

 **chan**  
i-  
i've  
i have enhanced senses  
superspeed  
my "lix is about to make a vine reference" does not even make the top 5 Cool Things i can do

 **jisung**  
personally, i consider it your Top 1 cool abilities

 **minho**  
that's just a fancy way of saying you're not impressed by everything else he can do

 **seungmin**  
meanwhile, hyunjin's Top 3 abilities include:  
• writing got7 fanfiction  
• hiding got7 fanfiction from 5 out of his 7 boyfriends  
• being exposed for his got7 fanfic in the gc by someone who doesn't even know he's been writing it

 **hyunjin**  
i'll be right back guys, just gotta murder seungmin

 **minho**  
ok, take your time

 **jisung**  
if you inject air between his toes it will look like a heart attack and you'll face no consequences for his murder

 **jeongin**  
...

 **chan**  
jisung, do you have something to tell us?

 **jisung**  
oh yeah!  
i saw a frog the other day!

 **minho**  
omg where?

 **felix**  
ooh so cute, do you have pics??

 **chan**  
...not what i meant

 **jeongin**  
hyunjin hyung, make sure you don't leave any traces  
we don't wanna see you get arrested

 **chan**  
jeongin!!

 **minho**  
jeongin is an enabler  
we been knew

 **changbin**  
this chat, a Summary:  
\- hyunjin writes got7 fanfiction  
\- seungmin is getting murdered  
\- jisung has a mysterious past  
\- jeongin is an enabler

 **felix**  
tune in next week for another episode of Absolute Chaos! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teaser or something for the next part:
> 
>  **felix**  
>  popcorn crow 420 blaze it bitches party at 2 am in the daytime wohoo


	5. popcorn crow 420 blaze it bitches party at 2 am in the daytime wohoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung can't write, morning classes suck, and jilix apparently have a powerpoint about roleplays

**group chat: lost kids (8)**

9:53 am

**minho**  
last night jisung woke me up at 3 am and asked for pen and paper  
i was too tired to care, but this morning i found the note he wrote

 **changbin**  
oh?

 **chan**  
what does it say

 **minho**  
i dunno, i can't read it

 **felix**  
hey waddup, i'm jared i'm 19

 **minho**  
not like that  
jisung just doesn't know how to fuckin write

 **jisung**  
oh, sorry i'm not a typewriter ://

 **chan**  
but what did the note say jisung?

 **jisung**  
i dunno i don't remember

 **chan**  
you can't read it either?

 **jisung**  
i mean,,,  
no.  
that handwriting is terrible

 **minho**  
exactly what i've been saying!

 **felix**  
i can read it!  
i'm an expert at jisung's sleep-deprived handwriting

 **hyunjin**  
isn't sleep-deprived jisung just the same as normal jisung?

 **felix**  
oh yea u rite lol, boi is always sleep-deprived

 **jisung**  
in my defense, i don't actually NEED that much sleep..  
Vampire Perks

 **minho**  
yeah but you certainly need more than one hour every night  
also you're a young vampire  
you definitely need sleep

 **felix**  
hey i just read his note

 **hyunjin**  
omg what does it say??

 **felix**  
popcorn crow 420 blaze it bitches party at 2 am in the daytime wohoo

 **seungmin**  
that looks like an autocompleted sentence

 **minho**  
that looks like my brain when i was still in college and had a morning class

 **hyunjin**  
can confirm that's what it looks like  
morning classes suck

 **felix**  
but jisung isn't even a college

 **seungmin**  
...

 **hyunjin**  
HAHAHHHA

 **jeongin**  
of course he's not a college, hyung, he's a person!

 **felix**  
IN college  
i meant he's not in college!!!!

 **jisung**  
ahahah sucks to be u i guess  
i dropped out cause i have some respect for myself!!

 **chan**  
stop being proud over dropping out of college

 **jisung**  
but i got a job :/

 **chan**  
i know, and i don't mind that you dropped out  
but that doesn't mean college is inherantly bad

 **hyunjin**  
ugh  
it is though :/  
or at least morning classes are

 **felix**  
perhaps i should follow in my brother's footsteps and drop out

 **jeongin**  
ewww

 **chan**  
no you should not!  
also stop calling him your brother, you're dating

 **jeongin**  
exactly, it's disgusting

 **jisung**  
no, not in this universe we're not dating!!

 **chan**  
oh no  
is this another one of your roleplay things...?

 **felix**  
we actually have several established universes with ongoing storylines and character arcs

 **hyunjin**  
omg yes i love your roleplays!

 **felix**  
lucky for you, we have a powerpoint that introduces all of our universes!

 **jisung**  
the powerpoint has 69 slides :)

 **chan**  
no powerpoint please

 **jeongin**  
personally i'd like to see your powerpoint, but maybe not in the gc

 **felix**  
ok... :(

 **jisung**  
but we can still introduce our ideas! :D

 **felix**  
oh yes! we'll do it in order of which ones come to mind first  
1\. White lesbian moms in a boring neighborhood that are secretly in love

 **jisung**  
but we finished that one last week, so it's not ongoing anymore

 **felix**  
oh you're right! we did it in this group chat!

 **jisung**  
anyway, second universe  
2\. brothers on a quest to save their homeland from a dragon invasion

 **felix**  
that's the one where we're brothers!

 **chan**  
yeah i think we got that

 **jisung**  
3\. a spanish guy named feliz and a french guy named jisoong in a universe that completely lacks plot

 **jeongin**  
that's interesting...?

 **felix**  
4\. i am the 10th twice member and jisung is my secret boyfriend

 **jisung**  
5\. a tragic exchange of love letters between two boys in the 1920's  
everything in that universe is written in the form of a letter

 **felix**  
6\. high school au where i am the quarterback and jisung is a music nerd, ft hyunjin as the jealous head cheerleader who keeps trying to get between us

 **chan**  
hang on, how many universes are there??  
for how long will these introductions continue

 **felix**  
the powerpoint has 69 slides but some are just pictures so it think about 50 universes..?

 **chan**  
okay, no.  
i will not take anymore of this bs today

 **jisung**  
noo!

 **felix**  
but we were just getting to the universe where all eight of us are in a famous k-pop group called stray kids under jyp entertainment!

 **minho**  
wow ok that's unrealistic

 **changbin**  
yeah, most of us can't even dance

 **hyunjin**  
speak for yourself! three of us are/used to be dance majors!  
also you were a music major  
i'm pretty sure you could get a job at jyp if you tried

 **felix**  
in an alternate universe, we are k-pop stars under jyp entertainment in a group called stray kids, and ALL of us are great at dancing!

 **minho**  
sounds fake but okay

 **felix**  
:/


	6. banana hyung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix's reading comprehension is off the charts, names are changed, and chan is surprisingly okay despite everything

**group chat: stupid kids (8)**

5:05 pm

**felix**  
i have Peaked  
nothing will ever come close to what i've done in this moment again

 **seungmin**  
ok

 **minho**  
i honestly don't wanna know

 **jisung**  
ooh what did u do??

 **felix**  
i just misread bang chan as banana  
not sure how that happened but yeah..  
i have Peaked

 **changbin**  
incredible reading comprehension, dude

 **jisung**  
does that mean...

 **hyunjin**  
baNANA HYUNG!!!

 **jeongin**  
someone get banana hyung to come online!

 **hyunjin**  
yeah that's right! he needs to change his name!

 **jisung**  
ooh we should all change our names!  
these ones are really boring

 **seungmin**  
that's because chan hyung forbid you from changing your names after what happened last time

 **minho**  
i mean...  
was it annoying? yes  
but do i regret it? absolutely not

 **jeongin**  
wait what happened last time  
did i forget or was i not there??

 **seungmin**  
honestly idk  
i think you just forgot cause i'm pretty sure we were all there

 **hyunjin**  
but anyway  
what happened was that we all set our screen names to channie

 **jisung**  
and after that it got really confusing..

 **felix**  
in the end, we had one of every name in the chat, but no one had their own name

 **minho**  
good times lmao

 **jeongin**  
well... chan hyung isn't here right now

 **hyunjin**  
ooh, i like the way you think!

 **changbin**  
but seungmin is and he might not be on our side

 **seungmin**  
as long as everyone else can still recognize you, i think it's fun if we change names

 **hyunjin**  
great! then let's start changing!

**felix** changed their name to **tiktokstar**

**seungmin**  
that's not what i meant when i said to pick something recognizable..

 **tiktokstar**  
but seungminnie  
who else could it be??

 **jeongin**  
that's right, only felix would set his name to tiktokstar

 **seungmin**  
i guess that's true..

**hyunjin** changed their name to **dramalama**

**dramalama**  
let's make a zoo!

 **jeongin**  
i am Not Down to do that

 **dramalama**  
:(

**dramalama** changed their name to **aussieboo**

**aussieboo**  
just so everyone knows  
that was seungmin's suggestion

 **seungmin**  
:)

 **aussieboo**  
but that means i get to pick seungmo's name now! :D

 **seungmin**  
i did not think this through...

**seungmin** changed their name to **myday**

**myday**  
not bad actually

**jeongin** changed their name to **fennec fox**

**fennec fox**  
ha!  
you have been fooled once again!

 **minho**  
power of the maknae..  
mAknaE On tOP

 **tiktokstar**  
fantastic baby!  
now for hyung line!!

 **jisung**  
i'm literally not but go off i guess

 **myday**  
oh! changbin hyung could be small one

 **aussieboo**  
tiny one

 **changbin**  
...i am, DISGUSTED  
any serious suggestions??

 **aussieboo**  
hey!! those were serious!

 **jisung**  
binblack  
that's what you said your name would be if you became a rapper

 **changbin**  
...

**changbin** changed their name to **binblack**

**binblack**  
okay, yeah, accepted

 **fennec fox**  
an emo boi

 **aussieboo**  
every pack needs an emo, a vsco girl, a sk8r girl, and an eboy

 **myday**  
who are those in our pack??

 **minho**  
emo - changbin  
vsco girl - felix  
sk8r girl - hyunjin  
eboy - jisung

 **tiktokstar**  
minho hyung - edgy boi  
chan hyung - sleep deprived dad  
seungmin - soft murderer

 **minho**  
great!

**minho** changed their name to **memeho**

**memeho**  
thanks for the inspiration

 **jisung**  
hey guys what if i dyed my hair blue???

 **aussieboo**  
jisung's impulse control: gone

 **binblack**  
my hair: grey

 **tiktokstar**  
my crops: watered

 **memeho**  
my boyfriends: annoying

 **fennec fox**  
that's just rude :/  
but also very true!

 **aussieboo**  
jisung, stop getting distracted and change your name!

 **jisung**  
but to what??  
i hAvE nO ImaGiNaTiOn...!!!

 **binblack**  
you literally have so many other personalities, just pick one

 **jisung**  
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **myday**  
please don't tell me you added japanese keyboard just for that...

 **tiktokstar**  
hey!  
there are lots of emoticons on the japanese keyboard, not just the perverted lenny face!!

 **myday**  
...i give up

**jisung** changed their name to **hipfucksin**

**fennec fox**  
i thought you were embarassed about that

 **myday**  
No  
i have to draw the line somewhere  
jisung please change your name again

 **hipfucksin**  
:(

**hipfucksin** changed their name to **jisus**

**jisus**  
because i am a child of god

 **chan**  
felix no

 **tiktokstar**  
WE're ALL CHILDREN OF JESUS!!  
ha!  
you couldn't stop me this time hyung!

 **myday**  
a sad sight

 **chan**  
wait  
your names...

 **fennec fox**  
don't worry, everyone is themselves this time

 **aussieboo**  
though some of us like our names more than others :/

 **fennec fox**  
you changed your name yourself though...?

 **jisus**  
only the leader left!  
come on and change your name!!

**chan** changed their name to **chanpire**

**chanpire**  
i will give in, but only this once

 **tiktokstar**  
lmao  
come back tomorrow to see him give in to us again!

 **chanpire**  
:/


	7. seunglix in the kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i think the chapter title says it all…

**group chat: stray kids WOO (8)**

13:15 pm

**memeho**  
i'm not sure why felix & seungmin keep coming back to the kitchen  
it's like they don't even realize how hopeless they are

 **binblack**  
theY'RE IN THE KITCHEN???

 **memeho**  
yeah, someone should call chan hyung

 **jisus**  
no don't!

 **binblack**  
...why not?  
you know this will end in disaster

 **jisus**  
yeah and i wanna see the disaster!  
please don't stop them!

 **maknae**  
the dumb one has a point

 **jisus**  
...offended but also grateful for your support  
wait jeongin when did you change your name?

 **maknae**  
when no one else was online  
i wanted privacy

 **chanpire**  
is there any way for me to block you from changing your names??  
also whY ARE SEUNGLIX IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN  
SOMEONE GET THEM OUT OF THERE BEFORE THEY CAUSE BODILY HARM TO THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM

 **binblack**  
don't worry hyung, there's no one around them

 **chanpire**  
THEY'LL BURN DOWN OUR HOUSE

 **jisus**  
oh i'm with them in the kitchen now!  
i wanted to see this mess go down live  
wait...  
do you think i should livestream it???

 **maknae**  
o o f

 **memeho**  
you could go viral for that!

 **jisus**  
yeah you're right...  
but would it be morally good to film them without their permission?

 **memeho**  
do it for the fame

 **jisus**  
yeah i'll do it for the fame  
wait, seungmin is taking out his phone

 **minnie**  
hey you litte shits  
our smoothies taste terrible

 **binblack**  
i could have told you that before you even started

 **jisus**  
wait seungminnie when did you change your name??

 **minnie**  
when i saw that jeongin did

 **memeho**  
Valid

 **minnie**  
thanks for validating my decisions hyung, i definitely needed your approval to be at peace with myself

 **memeho**  
glad to have helped :)

 **maknae**  
guys, you should leave the kitchen  
no one in this group belongs in a kitchen :/

 **chanpire**  
i have actually discovered something surprising  
jisung is not a menace in the kitchen

 **jisus**  
thanks hyung

 **memeho**  
wait what do you mean?  
when i was with him in the kitchen, we started a fire

 **jisus**  
that's because we were trying to bake cheesecake without a recipe!  
you literally took my phone away when i tried to search for one and said "nope no recipe, we're doing this off of sheer talent"

 **tiktokstar**  
people who are mostly functional in the kitchen: minho, jisung (but not together)  
people who should never be allowed in a kitchen: hyunjin, changbin

 **aussieboo**  
jeongin is also functional but only when he has his phone

 **chanpire**  
well... he's a little clumsy, but yeah, his cooking is functional

 **tiktokstar**  
gotta do the cooking by the book

 **binblack**  
wait i just realized that felix offended my kitchen skills  
but also, he is absolutely right  
when meghan trainor sang "i never learned to cook, but i can write a hook" i felt that shit in my sOUL

 **chanpire**  
in your *soup  
:)

 **binblack**  
stfu

 **aussieboo**  
*shut the fork up :)

 **maknae**  
ooh! a pun battle!

 **tiktokstar**  
did you mean: bun battle

 **minnie**  
no  
if you do that i will kick you all out from this chat

 **jisus**  
that's a whisk we're willing to take :)

 **minnie**  
you know what  
i have a choice to make here  
i can either put myself through this torture  
OR i can prove that i have some self respect by muting this chat and leaving my phone

 **maknae**  
guess which one he's gonna do :)

 **minnie**  
bye you little shits, we're gonna make another smoothie

 **jisus**  
oh no  
i am Scared with a capital S

 **chanpire**  
...this is a text conversation, we can see your capital S  
you didn't have to say it

 **tiktokstar**  
bye everyone we're going back to cooking! ^.^

 **chanpire**  
oH NO...!

 **memeho**  
sometimes i wonder what happened to all of our braincells  
then i realize, we never had any

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this chapter was inspired by that one time seunglix made smoothies on vlive


	8. mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix wants kisses, jeongsung are randomly summoned for a DIY session, and there's mistletoe everywhere.

**group chat: stray ikds (8)**

9:03 am

**chanpire**  
it's the middle of spring  
did someone put up new mistletoe or did we just never take it down?

 **jisus**  
oh yeah i've been wondering what that's all about

 **minnie**  
i've kissed jeongin 10 times already and i woke up less than an hour ago

 **maknae**  
how is jisung hyung awake this early?

 **jisus**  
bold of you to assume i've been asleep!

 **maknae**  
hyuuung :(

 **jisus**  
oh no...  
it is The Pout™

 **chanpire**  
we can discuss jisung's non-existent sleeping habits later  
i wanna know where the mistletoe came from

 **tiktokstar**  
all i wanted was to kiss someone  
but so far, i have gotten zero kisses :((

 **minnie**  
did you put them up?

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah i found a whole bunch of it in a box in my closet

 **chanpire**  
that wasn't your closet...  
the christmas stuff is kept in our shared closet

 **tiktokstar**  
ooooh, right... that explains why i could never find my hoodie D:

 **minnie**  
but you found mistetoe instead?

 **maknae**  
and decided to put it up through the entire house?

 **tiktokstar**  
Yes with a capital Y :)

 **chanpire**  
for the last time, you don't have to say that, this is a text conversation...  
we can see your capital Y

 **tiktokstar**  
guys i just want kisses  
is that too much to ask for?¿?  
gimme a smooch

 **binblack**  
let me know where you are and i'll be there in a sec

 **maknae**  
yeah i think anyone here would kiss you if you just ask

 **tiktokstar**  
oooh! i should wear mistletoe on my head as a headband  
that way, i have to kiss everyone!

 **minnie**  
...or you could just ask us to kiss you

 **tiktokstar**  
oh i'm such a genius  
time to DIY!  
JISUNGIE

 **jisus**  
i have been summoned  
...nah jk  
i was here all along

 **tiktokstar**  
jisung we're gonna diy a mistletoe headband!  
JEONGINNIE!!!

 **maknae**  
yes?

 **tiktokstar**  
join us! :D

 **maknae**  
yeah okay

-

9:34 am

**chanpire**  
so how did the story end?  
did lix get his kisses??

 **binblack**  
yeaaah

 **minnie**  
i think they gave up on the headband and just started kissing each other instead

 **memeho**  
o o f  
relationship goals

 **binblack**  
you're literally part of this relationship  
you could just join them

 **memeho**  
i might :)

 **minnie**  
why does everything minho hyung say sound so threatening?

 **memeho**  
i am threatening!  
everyone cowers in fear when i enter a room!  
i have not experienced skinship since i was trained in hand to hand combat as a baby!

 **chanpire**  
he says as he clutches onto changbin's hand tightly

 **memeho**  
oh no, this doesn't count  
it's fake

 **binblack**  
we're literally on our way to the living room to make out…

 **memeho**  
fake  
everything is fake  
these accusations are F A K E

 **chanpire**  
yeah sure whatever, we all know you're lying anyway

 **memeho**  
:/

 **tiktokstar**  
guys! more kithes please :D

 **memeho**  
we're coming!

 **binblack**  
he just sped up

 **minnie**  
and no one is surprised


	9. 10 hour bowling :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jilix make dumb decisions together and that's about it.

**group chat: stray kids (in your area) (8)**

7:05 pm

**tiktokstar**  
i wanna try to bowl ten hours in a row! :)

 **jisus**  
ooh me too!  
that sounds so fun!

 **binblack**  
where do you even get these dumb ideas???

 **tiktokstar**  
this time: youtube

 **memeho**  
why only ten hours  
why not go for more???

 **tiktokstar**  
i already looked it up and the longest opening hours i found were 10 hours

 **jisus**  
well, i think we have our weekend planned :)

-

1:11 am

**tiktokstar**  
what what what what  
ist what what  
what time is it??

 **jisus**  
IST BOWLING TIIIME!

 **chanpire**  
guys... it's 1 am  
i thought the bowling place closed at 10??

 **tiktokstar**  
no i read wrong

 **jisus**  
it doesn't close

 **chanpire**  
it... doesn't close??

 **tiktokstar**  
no

 **jisus**  
well it's closed between 3 am and 11 am

 **tiktokstar**  
but it's not 3 am yet so we are still here :p

 **chanpire**  
what kind of bowling place is open 16 hours a day???  
who even goes bowling at night???

 **jisus**  
me and felix

 **tiktokstar**  
obviously

 **jisus**  
but don't worry, it wasn't a complete waste of time  
we've actually made some discoveries

 **chanpire**  
okay...?

 **jisus**  
maybe you've been in the situation where you've been bowling for an hour, and you're starting to perform a little worse

 **tiktokstar**  
but fear not!  
after 8,5 hours, you will Peak Again!!!

 **chanpire**  
...ohmygod

 **jisus**  
it's honestly insane  
i stopped getting strikes after the 7th hour but felix just got 4 strikes in a row  
now it has been 8 hours and 48 minutes since we started

 **chanpire**  
guys… are you okay?

 **jisus**  
mentally or physically?  
anyway, the answer is no :D

 **chanpire**  
guys... please stop

 **tiktokstar**  
my thumb is swollen and i lost my sanity about four hours ago

 **jisus**  
same  
i just laid down on the floor and screeched after throwing another ball in the gutter

 **tiktokstar**  
we both have over 3000 points

 **jisus**  
but -5000 braincells

 **tiktokstar**  
in conclusion: it has not been worth it so far

 **jisus**  
but who knows! that might change after our 9th hour! :)

 **tiktokstar**  
my feet started to hurt so i took off my shoes and now we're both going in only socks

 **jisus**  
honestly i think it works better now  
my feet are sticking to the floor

 **tiktokstar**  
the power of dry socks that are wet with sweat

 **jisus**  
sounds like a song lyric!

 **tiktokstar**  
might just fuck around and write an entier song based on this whole scenario

 **chanpire**  
ohmygod i can literally see your sanity slipping  
please stop  
please come home  
actually, i will pick you up.

 **jisus**  
no!! we need to make it to ten hours!!

 **tiktokstar**  
provide us with food and come watch us so we don't do anything dumb

 **chanpire**  
...you're asking me to watch over you?

 **jisus**  
yeah we don't trust ourselves anymore  
if you're ever wondering what the limit is,  
this is it

 **chanpire**  
the limit for what??

 **tiktokstar**  
The Limit.

 **chanpire**  
okay okay i'm coming, but i will pull you away from there  
and i'll bring food

 **tiktokstar**  
chan hyung, i wanna be the judge

 **chanpire**  
...what are you talking about?

 **jisus**  
no one's stopping you!

 **tiktokstar**  
oh!  
in that case, i sentence chan hyung to 3 years lifetime!!!

 **chanpire**  
…what

 **tiktokstar**  
i hereby sentence you to 3 years lifetime!!!

 **chanpire**  
yeah but like... what???  
oh  
oh no  
is it your sanity?  
can you no longer tell dream and reality apart?

 **jisus**  
no no no  
this is another one of our roleplays

 **chanpire**  
holy shit  
i don't recall signing up for this

 **jisus**  
uuh, yes??  
i CLEARLY remember you inviting me over to your apartment 6 years ago and never asking me to leave!

 **chanpire**  
i mean,,, you're not wrong

 **tiktokstar**  
hyuuung BLEASE bring us your fresh yeels!!  
we are ready to devour the unborn!

 **jisus**  
yeah hyung, bleaaase!!!

 **chanpire**  
what  
the actual  
Fuck

 **memeho**  
they want you to bring them food

 **jisus**  
minho hyung! i love you!!!!

 **memeho**  
stop saying i love you to get free food

 **jisus**  
but... it always works :((

 **memeho**  
pouting doesn't work through text

 **tiktokstar**  
dont' worry, he's doing it in real life as well

 **jisus**  
but hyung,,, i really really love you :((  
like, a lot

 **memeho**  
this is purely a business relationship

 **jisus**  
hyungie i love you ♡ :(((

 **memeho**  
...ffs  
okay i'm coming

 **chanpire**  
so am i  
stay where you are and don't do anything dumb

 **memeho**  
you're asking too much of them

 **chanpire**  
...  
stay where you are and don't die

 **jisus**  
well we've already failed then

 **chanpire**  
wHAT  
WHERE DID YOU GO??

 **tiktokstar**  
the bowling place  
but we're dead  
literally

 **memeho**  
oh yeah, Vampires

 **chanpire**  
oh okay  
i actually got worried for a second there

 **memeho**  
you probably should be

 **jisus**  
no we're fine! :D

 **tiktokstar**  
a little dead inside  
our fingers are mildly blue  
no sanity left  
but yeah we're fine :D

 **chanpire**  
...we'll be there in 10 mins

 **memeho**  
and well bring food

 **jisus**  
all you need in life 🤪

-

7:23 am

**minnie**  
...so this is what our local insomniacs get up to at night  
go figure

 **binblack**  
well they're sleeping now so please don't wake them up  
all four of them actually

 **aussieboo**  
aww

 **maknae**  
are all vampires as dysfunctional as those four???

 **aussieboo**  
probably not  
but i love them anyway

 **binblack**  
yeah same

 **binblack**  
wow, the enthusiasm is real  
but i love them too <33

 **minnie**  
yeah,,, i guess i do as well

 **maknae**  
loving you guys is more an obligation at this point  
but i suppose you can be tolerable :/

 **aussieboo**  
jeongin stop pretending you're a tsundere

 **minnie**  
you're really not a tsundere  
you woke me up this morning just to kiss me goodbye before going to school!

 **maknae**  
well yeah! i need my morning kisses!  
from everyone who's not sleep-deprived at least!

 **aussieboo**  
so basically, everyone except chan hyungie, jisungie and lix?

 **maknae**  
yes :)

 **binblack**  
well.. now that that's been established  
you should be going to school right about now :)

 **maknae**  
i am in school

 **aussieboo**  
sprinting out the door as we speak!

 **minnie**  
i'm already on the way

 **aussieboo**  
hey!! you left without me :(

 **minnie**  
i guess i did :)

 **binblack**  
byebye, good luck, don't kill each other, get to class on time, remember to eat lunch, do your homework etc

 **minnie**  
..."etc"

 **binblack**  
and what about it


	10. adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jilix are back at it again, and this time they're starting a family :)

**group chat: gone kids (8)**

10:41 am

**jisus**  
hey so  
how do you guys feel about adoption  
like...  
for us?

 **minnie**  
do you ever, like...  
consider your words before you send them?

 **jisus**  
well... i was thinking we could get a guiana chestnut or something

 **maknae**  
is that the name of a cat breed? cause i don't get it

 **chanpire**  
no, it is not  
it's a type of houseplant

 **binblack**  
...what

 **aussieboo**  
jisung what does that mean

 **memeho**  
personally i think it's quite obvious what he means  
he's saying he wants us to adopt a plant together

 **jisus**  
yeah!  
so... are u down?  
i did my research and it's not that hard to take care of :D

 **minnie**  
but you can barely even take care of yourself

 **jisus**  
immortality depression is a real and highly pressing problem, thank u very much 😤  
but anyways  
it's a houseplant and there's eight of us  
i think we can manage

 **chanpire**  
i think you overestimate the people in this group

 **jisus**  
:(

 **tiktokstar**  
i'll have a baby with you jisung!  
as long as i don't have to give birth to it

 **jisus**  
ok yeah! thanks lix ^-^

 **aussieboo**  
i'm down to get a houseplant but i don't wanna parent it  
i'll be the cool uncle or something

 **chanpire**  
i'd like to distance myself from this entire scenario  
i mean, houseplants are nice but i feel like this whole thing will turn into something weird

 **tiktokstar**  
what do you mean weird???

 **jisus**  
yeah! we're completely normal!

 **chanpire**  
i mean... you've already started to establish roles in this universe  
i feel like it's gonna turn into another roleplay

 **jisus**  
oh yeah

 **tiktokstar**  
i'm the husband and jisung's the wife  
hyunjin is the cool uncle  
everyone else, pick your character now!

 **chanpire**  
i'm your neighbor who's constantly weirded out by all the weird shit that goes on in your household

 **jisus**  
see, you say that you want nothing to do with our roleplays but then you join in anyway  
how are we supposed to take you seriously when you reject our ideas??

 **chanpire**  
A Point

 **minnie**  
i'm jisung's ex-husband who still lives with him and is gonna help raise your baby but i'm also very emotionally distant

 **tiktokstar**  
neat! what about jeonginnie? :D

 **maknae**  
i'm felix's younger brother so i guess that makes me another uncle  
but i'm young so your baby is more like a sibling to me than anything else

 **jisus**  
fantastic!

 **chanpire**  
can i just say i love how you're building this world and all the details you add to the characters?

 **tiktokstar**  
thank you hyung! ^.^  
now for changbin hyung and minho hyung!

 **memeho**  
wine aunt

 **tiktokstar**  
cool! are you my sister or jisung's sister

 **memeho**  
yours  
and i keep flirting with jisung when i'm drunk, which is very often

 **minnie**  
oof, drama

 **binblack**  
i'm minho's husband, and i get jealous when he flirts with jisung so then i flirt with felix  
that is okay because i am not biologically related to anyone in this family

 **chanpire**  
wow this is great  
but i'm a bit confused, can i please get a recap?

 **maknae**  
jisung - the wife  
felix - the husband  
hyunjin - cool uncle  
seungmin - jisung's ex-husband  
minho - wine aunt  
changbin - minho's husband  
me! - young uncle  
chan - neighbor

 **binblack**  
am i the only one who feels like jisung is romantically involved with a little too many people in this universe?

 **jisus**  
felix, minho hyung, seungmin...  
i think i'll just flirt with everyone ;)

 **chanpire**  
how did this conversation derail this much  
it all started with jisung wanting a houseplant

 **minnie**  
yeah,,, what happened with that?

 **binblack**  
are we getting a houseplant or not?

 **tiktokstar**  
did you seriously miss that part

 **aussieboo**  
what part?  
what does the houseplant have to do with any of this?

 **jisus**  
oh,,, i guess you'll just have to see when the storyline of this universe officially begins

 **tiktokstar**  
Tune In Tomorrow ;)


	11. in labor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a baby is birthed, minho makes good suggestions, and changbin might be dead but tbh who even knows??

**group chat: lost children (8)**

5:32 pm

**jisus**  
I'M IN LABOUR!!! THE BABY IS COMING!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
oHMYGOD  
EVERYONE STAY CALM!!!  
HOLD ON JISUNG YOU WILL BE FINE  
DEEP BREATHS  
I'LL CALL A TAXI!!!

 **jisus**  
no fucking way  
i'm not paying money to get anywhere  
we're taking the subway

 **chanpire**  
...that costs money, too

 **jisus**  
not if you're fast enough, it doesn't

 **tiktokstar**  
YEAH  
EVERYTHING IS FREE IF YOU'RE FAST

 **memeho**  
a horrible morality  
but i completely agree

 **jisus**  
so i'm omw to the subway now!  
lix, where are you?

 **tiktokstar**  
I'LL MEET YOU THERE HONEY!  
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AAHHH I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS BABY TO ARRIVE!!!

 **minnie**  
is this another one of your roleplays?

 **chanpire**  
oh, i didn't even consider that

 **jisus**  
what do you mean???  
you're ALL a part of this roleplay!  
the baby is coming!  
prepare yourselves!

 **maknae**  
waaait i think i'm catching on

 **memeho**  
OH RIGTH i'm the wine aunt!

 **minnie**  
oh, is this what our roles were for?

 **tiktokstar**  
GUYS WE'RE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL  
IF YOU HAVE NAME SUGGESTIONS, SAY THEM NOW  
AAAAHH I'M SO EXCITED TO BE A DAD!

 **aussieboo**  
yeaaah! and i'll be the cool uncle 😎

 **minnie**  
that's right there is the most un-cool emoji there is

 **maknae**  
let us know when the baby is born

 **aussieboo**  
aaah i can't wait to meet them..!

-

6:45 pm

**tiktokstar**  
time for the GENDER REVEAL! and the NAME REVEAL! and the SPECIES REVEAL!

 **chanpire**  
...it's been an hour  
how long does it take to birth a fake baby  
wait  
where did you two actually go?

 **jisus**  
what do you mean where did we ACTUALLY go? we obviously went to the hospital

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah exactly hyung!  
where else would we have gone?

 **minnie**  
they went to get a houseplant

 **jisus**  
what do you mean HOUSEPLANT

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah seungmin! that's our child you're talking about! :(

 **aussieboo**  
ooh! is it a boy or a girl?

 **jisus**  
gender is fake  
but this one shall be referred to with she/her pronouns, and we will call her our daughter

 **memeho**  
oh wow, i can't wait to teach her everything i know about smuggling alcohol into the most unexpected places

 **chanpire**  
...how to leave your own family

 **aussieboo**  
ha! fool  
you can't! it's too late now, you're in too deep

 **maknae**  
what happened to the name reveal?  
i wanna know what my niece's name is!

 **tiktokstar**  
ah of course  
honey, should you or i say it?

 **jisus**  
her name is patricia <3

 **tiktokstar**  
or we could just come out and say it like that, yeah i guess that works too

 **aussieboo**  
ooh like in that vine!

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah!

 **jisus**  
that's what we named her after!

 **chanpire**  
i am... SO glad... that you can't actually have children

 **jisus**  
hyung what do you mean can't ACTUALLY have children

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah!  
this is patricia erasure!

 **chanpire**  
i just mean that i would not trust you two to name an actual baby

 **memeho**  
why can't they have a real baby?

 **minnie**  
...did you seriously just ask that

 **chanpire**  
1\. vampires are infertile  
2\. jisung and felix are in a poly relationship with six other men

 **memeho**  
so what?

 **chanpire**  
minho they physically cannot have a child

 **memeho**  
well then steal one  
it's not that hard

 **maknae**  
omg that's such a good idea!

 **chanpire**  
there will be NO stealing of babies, okay?  
let's focus on the one jisung just birthed

 **tiktokstar**  
omg! he acknowledged patricia!

 **jisus**  
what a great day...  
her identity has finally been validated by the great chan hyung!

 **minnie**  
sometimes i wonder where to draw the line  
then i decide to make it easy for myself by simply not drawing a line

 **chanpire**  
that's smart, wish i could relate

 **maknae**  
guys guys guys  
species reveal now!  
what kind of houseplant is she?

 **minnie**  
as if you know anything about houseplants

 **maknae**  
uuh, rude 😤  
i wanna know so that i can google it before they get home and prepare myself for what she looks like

 **tiktokstar**  
imagine if you googled a human baby to get an idea of what your human relatives were gonna look like

 **minnie**  
oof that's wild

 **jisus**  
lmao  
but wait  
changbin hyung has not been present for this whole thing  
is he dead???

 **chanpire**  
why is death the first conclusion you come to?

 **tiktokstar**  
given our daily experiences, i'd say his concern is totally valid

 **jisus**  
oh no it's not concern, it's hope

 **aussieboo**  
lmaooo

 **jisus**  
JUST KIDDING CHANGBIN HYUNG!  
i know he scrolls up so i had to clarify hehehheh

 **memeho**  
*nervous giggles*

 **jisus**  
you don't have to narrate my sound effects hyung

 **memeho**  
he said in an annoyed voice

 **jisus**  
...

 **memeho**  
*he sighed*

 **chanpire**  
so anyway  
changin

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah, where is he?

 **minnie**  
maybe he realized that he wants nothing to do with us and got the fuck out of here while he had the chance

 **aussieboo**  
HA! fool  
he can't run! it is impossible  
we will always find him

 **maknae**  
slightly threatening, but okay hyung…  
okay...

 **binblack**  
i was literally just working on some lyrics  
why are you all so obsessed with death and dramatic escapes  
also what did i miss?

 **minnie**  
so jisung just gave birth to a houseplant named patricia who's our new family member, and felix is the father  
the species is yet to be revealed but she is a girl and her name is patricia  
we will love her like one of our own

 **aussieboo**  
amen

 **memeho**  
preach!

 **binblack**  
...i think i'm going back to my lyrics  
i was really onto something there

 **maknae**  
intelligent decision, hyung

 **chanpire**  
run while you still can!


	12. sO cLoSe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungmin does violence and gets exposed by jeongin, seunglix reminisce about their past, hyunjin is offended.

**group chat: stray kid (8)**

6:29 pm

**maknae**  
days since seungmin hyung pushed hyunjin hyung down the stairs: 0

 **chanpire**  
damn it guys...  
we were so close to a new record

 **minnie**  
why... would you expose me like this...

 **maknae**  
if i didn't, jisung hyung would

 **jisus**  
it's true

 **maknae**  
and if i didn't and jisung hyung didn't, felix hyung would

 **tiktokstar**  
also true

 **maknae**  
and if i didn't, and jisung hyung didn't, and felix hyung didn't, then minho hyung would

 **memeho**  
can confirm

 **minnie**  
okay okay i get your point  
there's no need to make that list any longer

 **tiktokstar**  
seungmin i will arrest you

 **minnie**  
omg...  
i just had a flashback to the first time i met you felix!

 **binblack**  
oh?

 **tiktokstar**  
wait i don't think i remember this

 **minnie**  
it was in high school, in the drama club  
we were paired together for an improv

 **aussieboo**  
omg i remember! i was there and saw you!!

 **minnie**  
i had never talked to him before but the teacher gave us roles  
i was a cop and lix was a criminal

 **tiktokstar**  
oHMYGOSH i remember now!!  
the first thing i said was smth like "wow, handcuffs already? you're more kinky than you look, i love that"

 **aussieboo**  
and then seungmin in the most deadpan voice just went "dude you're literally under arrest"

 **jisus**  
the og roleplay

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah  
that was before seungmin decided that he wanted nothing to do with my roleplays... :/

 **minnie**  
am i not part of patricia's family anymore, or what?

 **maknae**  
yeah! we're all a part of your weird roleplays now

 **aussieboo**  
and i'm extra involved because i am in two of them!

 **jisus**  
*whispers* brittany

 **tiktokstar**  
i thought his name was chelsea???

 **jisus**  
oh wait it might be  
all i know is that my name was emily and that felix is flix

 **chanpire**  
could we try to have one conversation  
just one  
where you don't mention any of these weird alternate universes??

 **binblack**  
you're asking too much of them

 **tiktokstar**  
chan hyung, those "weird au's" are our main form of entertainment!  
do you really wanna take that away from us?

 **memeho**  
wait i just realized that seungmin pushed hyunjin down the stairs and we still don't know why

 **chanpire**  
oh, right

 **aussieboo**  
it's not important

 **chanpire**  
jeongin, why did seungmin push hyunjin down the stairs??

 **minnie**  
oh no  
targeting the maknae  
this is unfair

 **binblack**  
life is unfair

 **memeho**  
deal with it

 **chanpire**  
so innie, what happened?

 **maknae**  
hyunjin hyung tried to tell us that he thinks he has brain cells

 **chanpire**  
and what did you do then?

 **maknae**  
dolphin screamed in his face while seungmin hyung laughed in the background

 **chanpire**  
i'm not even surprised at this point

 **maknae**  
then hyunjin hyung got offended and also a headache  
cause apparently i screamed too close to his ears

 **tiktokstar**  
ouch

 **maknae**  
and then he started complaining which made seungmin hyung annoyed so he pushed him down the stairs

 **jisus**  
oof

 **maknae**  
but it's not sad or anything cause he's completely fine!

 **aussieboo**  
offended !.!.!

 **minnie**  
why do you make exclamation points like that

 **aussieboo**  
aesthetic !.!.!.!.!.!

 **chanpire**  
ok  
great conversation guys  
let's not push hyunjin down the stairs again, okay seungminnie?

 **minnie**  
no promises but i'll try

 **chanpire**  
...i think that's the best i'm gonna get, so i'll take it

 **aussieboo**  
woe is me  
sad sad  
tears are flowing  
betrayed by my own boyfriends?  
iT's MorE LikElY tHaN yoU tHinK.....!!!!

 **jisus**  
hyunjinnie!  
come cuddle with me and lix!

 **aussieboo**  
omg  
i'm coming!

 **chanpire**  
and that's another problem solved

 **memeho**  
no offense but we didn't solve shit

 **chanpire**  
You are Right but i am deciding to ignore that

 **memeho**  
okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick question from the next part:
> 
>  **binblack**  
>  when you're jamming out w ur friends and a song comes on that u don't know the lyrics for, do you:  
> A. look up the lyrics  
> B. lower your voice so no one will know  
> C. raise your voice and HASHAMASHABALASHALA your way through the entire song???


	13. jamming out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan tries to claim he's the smart one, people get exposed, there's screaming, and changbin is betrayed

**group chat: organic kids (8)**

7:45 pm

**binblack**  
when you're jamming out w ur friends and a song comes on that u don't know the lyrics for, do you:  
A. look up the lyrics  
B. lower your voice so no one will know  
C. raise your voice and HASHAMASHABALASHALA your way through the entire song???

 **aussieboo**  
option three

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah me too

 **minnie**  
if it was day6... i would never  
i know all their lyrics by heart  
that situation seems impossible to me

 **binblack**  
is day6 the only thing you listen to, or what

 **minnie**  
you live with me  
you should KNOW that's the only thing i listen to

 **chanpire**  
no it's not  
that's like saying cheesecake is the only thing jisung eats

 **jisus**  
which it is! :)

 **chanpire**  
no it isn't!  
sigh  
sometimes it's hard being the only smart one

 **tiktokstar**  
"sMART"

 **jisus**  
hyung  
yesterday you tried to convince me that there are 60 hours in a day

 **binblack**  
to be specific, he tried to convince both of us that there are 60 hours in 24 hours

 **minnie**  
...that makes even less sense

 **binblack**  
exactly  
point is, none of us is smart  
but that's okay

 **minnie**  
i'd like to disagree

 **aussieboo**  
nuhuhuhuh!!!  
did you or did you not write that 1+1=4 on your last math test???

 **minnie**  
...no comment

 **memeho**  
seungmin wtf  
that's basic math  
like, REALLY basic

 **minnie**  
stfu we all make mistakes

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah... no one here really has a right to talk

 **aussieboo**  
except maybe minho hyung  
because i'm scared of disagreeing with him

 **minnie**  
actually... not him either

 **binblack**  
oh? you're gonna expose minho hyung?

 **minnie**  
why would i need to  
you live with him, you've seen the dent in the ceiling

 **aussieboo**  
oh i've seen it alright  
still have no idea where it came from

 **minnie**  
one time, minho hyung underestimated his own strength and fcking yEETED a whole ass couch into the ceiling  
i'm honestly surprised the dent is as small as it is

 **binblack**  
you and i have very different definitions of what the word small means

 **chanpire**  
hey sorry to interrupt your convo, but why is there screaming??

 **minnie**  
why wouldn't there be screaming?

 **tiktokstar**  
if you were smart, you'd be screaming, too

 **memeho**  
i'll make you scream

 **chanpire**  
...thanks guys  
your answers have been very helpful  
i'll make sure to leave you a good review

 **binblack**  
hyung that's not screaming!  
i'm singing!

 **jisus**  
i'm in the studio with you rn and i would like to formally disagree with that statement

 **binblack**  
ouch :/

 **chanpire**  
changbin, i don't know how much you know about singing, but that's really not it

 **aussieboo**  
wow  
when even chan hyung joins in on the dissing, you know it's gotta be bad

 **maknae**  
hey guys i just took a 2 hour walk  
my head is cleansed and i'm feeling #healthy

 **chanpire**  
that's great!

 **memeho**  
good for you innie

 **maknae**  
i'm gonna go out again now  
just had to let you know what a great refreshing life i'm living

 **chanpire**  
changbin, take some notes

 **binblack**  
uh???

 **memeho**  
i think chan hyung is the one who needs to take a walk  
changbin is clearly already too far gone from his sanity

 **chanpire**  
...i can't decide if that's rude or not

 **binblack**  
then i'll just make the decision for you and be offended  
minho hyung! i thought you loved me!!

 **memeho**  
i do  
loving you does not exclude the possibility of being extremely annoyed by your singing

 **jisus**  
but you don't even go here

 **chanpire**  
what i think jisung means is that they're currently in the studio  
and you're not there rn  
so how can you be annoyed by his singing?

 **jisus**  
yes that is what i meant

 **memeho**  
maybe not right now, but i have an extensive list of changbin-related annoyances  
i can imagine the pain chan hyung is in

 **binblack**  
wait  
i just realized  
jisung why are you complaining about my singing?? you're singing too

 **jisus**  
no :/

 **chanpire**  
well then how about you both shut up?

 **binblack**  
no

 **jisus**  
nah, i don't think so

 **chanpire**  
thank you for your consideration

 **aussieboo**  
ooh wait i wanna sing too!  
where's the party?

 **chanpire**  
for the nth time, they're in the studio

 **tiktokstar**  
omg  
i'm gonna break in and join them!

 **aussieboo**  
same!

 **minnie**  
...or you could just knock on the door

 **tiktokstar**  
or i could break in! :)

 **binblack**  
we'll accept you as long as you don't play twice for three hours in a row again

 **tiktokstar**  
well,, i can't promise that :p

 **binblack**  
well then you won't get control over the music!

 **tiktokstar**  
nOO...!

 **aussieboo**  
how about we take turns picking the songs?

 **binblack**  
yeah fine

 **jisus**  
good idea!  
and i think we all know what this means ;)

 **aussieboo**  
you and i have to pick twice songs to help felix defeat changbin hyung

 **jisus**  
exactly!

 **binblack**  
NO!  
i will NOT have 75% of all music we listen to be twice songs!  
that is not how taking turns works!

 **jisus**  
but what if all three of us want to pick twice songs??

 **binblack**  
then that's your personal problem, because i will not let you do that

 **memeho**  
hehehehe i wanna join this party too

 **binblack**  
oh thanks hyung  
please don't only pick twice songs!

 **memeho**  
what'd you mean  
of course i won't

 **binblack**  
thank you

 **maknae**  
actually, i'll join you too!!!

 **binblack**  
no twice?

 **maknae**  
no twice :)

 **binblack**  
oh thank fuck

 **chanpire**  
...well i guess silence is but a memory now  
i will never know Peace ever again

 **minnie**  
or you could try to overpower their singing with your own music  
just raise the volume

 **chanpire**  
that will never end though  
they'll just keep yelling louder until someone comes to complain

 **minnie**  
yeah i guess that's true  
i would love to see the chaos that would cause, though!

 **chanpire**  
yeah well… i wouldn't :/

-

8:58 pm

**binblack**  
i have been betrayed

 **chanpire**  
what???

 **binblack**  
jeongin and minho hyung  
they said they wouldn't pick twice songs  
they lied  
i wish seungmin was here  
at least i'd get some day6

 **minnie**  
bold of you to assume i wouldn't pick twice songs just for the sake of annoying you

 **binblack**  
...i never should have thought otherwise :/


	14. most dangerous combo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan has great hearing, jisung's creativity is astounding, nerf wars are stopped, and minho is scary

**group chat: straight kids (8)**

10:30 pm

**chanpire**  
why did i just hear someone fire a nerf gun

 **binblack**  
you say that with such conviction…  
how are you so sure it was a nerf gun?

 **minnie**  
he has a lot of experience from living with us for so long

 **chanpire**  
i can identify the sounds of a wide selection of toy weapons from any distance within our apartment

 **binblack**  
oh wow

 **memeho**  
somehow i'm not suprised

 **chanpire**  
but can we go back to my original question  
who fired it and why?

 **binblack**  
hang on  
there's a suspicious lack of jisung in this chat...

 **maknae**  
oh yes  
jisung hyung has recently realized that by keeping a loaded nerf gun next to his bed, he doesn't have to get up to turn off the lights when he decides to go to sleep

 **tiktokstar**  
ahahha yeah i was there when he tried it the first time

 **minnie**  
i'm like lowkey impressed by his creativity

 **memeho**  
also i'm astounded by his laziness

 **tiktokstar**  
it's the most dangerous combo  
lazy, but genius

 **binblack**  
could probably solve world hunger if he really put his mind to it

 **chanpire**  
but he's too lazy for that

 **aussieboo**  
lol yeah

 **jisus**  
my lights may be off but i still have my phone  
and i've read everything you've sent...  
lmao  
i agree

 **minnie**  
for a split second, i thought you were gonna be offended

 **jisus**  
of course not!  
who do you think i am? hyunjin??

 **aussieboo**  
ouch  
in my defense, i'm rarely actually offended

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah, he just likes being dramatic

 **aussieboo**  
and what about it

 **maknae**  
nothing, hyung!  
we love your theatrecalics

 **memeho**  
^^ he said in a sarcastic tone

 **chanpire**  
theatrecalics is not a word...

 **maknae**  
sry i don't have autocorrect on  
but yknow what i mean

 **aussieboo**  
ok

 **tiktokstar**  
ooh!  
we could have a nerf war!

 **chanpire**  
No!!!!  
Not another one, not again  
i'm still traumatized from last time

 **memeho**  
oh yeah  
we kept finding those nerf bullets around the house for like,,, a month after it happened

 **binblack**  
it was exactly like glitter  
it just kept appearing everywhere  
including places we never even had it

 **tiktokstar**  
lol i remember

 **jisus**  
there were some in the washing machine

 **maknae**  
i found one in the dishwasher

 **memeho**  
in the fridge, under the oven...

 **tiktokstar**  
inside the lamp in the living room

 **minnie**  
inside the glass of the window in the kitchen

 **chanpire**  
wait what  
INSIDE the window?  
like, between the glass???

 **minnie**  
exactly!

 **binblack**  
but... you're not even supposed to be able to get in there

 **chanpire**  
isn't that exactly the point you're trying to make right now?

 **binblack**  
oh right... yes it is

 **chanpire**  
so, in conclusion  
we're not having a nerf war

 **tiktokstar**  
and i'm like, :(

 **aussieboo**  
you're like what?

 **tiktokstar**  
like :(

 **aussieboo**  
like WHAT?

 **tiktokstar**  
:(

 **maknae**  
he's like :(  
like sad face

 **aussieboo**  
ooooh okay, i get it now. lol

 **jisus**  
what is this dictatorship we live in  
why does chan hyung get the last word?  
wasn't america built on freedom?  
democracy?  
how far must we stray from the core values of this nation before someone takes a stand for what is right, and for what is good???

 **minnie**  
...you're not even american

 **jisus**  
My Point remains

 **memeho**  
yeah he's right  
just because he's older doesn't mean he gets the last word

 **minnie**  
but he does have most of the braincells

 **binblack**  
we could just... not listen to the logical arguments

 **chanpire**  
you all agreed with me when i talked about why a nerf war is a bad idea

 **tiktokstar**  
there's nothing stopping us from just... not listening to the voice of reason

 **maknae**  
let's schedule the war for this friday!  
we will need the entire weekend to recover

 **chanpire**  
sorry guys, i just stole the nerf guns  
there will be no war  
You have been Stopped

 **jisus**  
i still have one next to my bed though

 **chanpire**  
yeah but it's not like you'll let that leave its place since you need it every night

 **jisus**  
true true

 **memeho**  
now GO TO BED!!!

 **maknae**  
oops lol ok

 **binblack**  
yeah yeah we'll go  
goodnight

 **memeho**  
bye you lovely little shits i can't wait to wake you up in the morning <3

 **aussieboo**  
please don't screech at 6 am again

 **memeho**  
no promises <3  
sleep tight my lovely dongsaengs, and don't die before i get the chance to kill you <3

 **chanpire**  
oh, wow  
that wasn't even directed at me and i still feel threatened  
damn minho :/


	15. sleep schedule? idk her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3racha are awake at 3 am, minho says some inappropriate shit, and no one knows what's going on

**group chat: sTrAigHt KiDs (8)**

3:01 am

**chanpire**  
me: *has a conversation with changbin*  
changbin: *yells* DON'T GO TO BED YET...!!!  
jisung in the other room: doN't Go tO bEd yeT...!

 **binblack**  
are you surprised though?

 **chanpire**  
me & changbin: *laughing at jisung*  
jisung: *enters room*  
us: jisung what r u doing? lol  
jisung: i lOve YoUUUU~~~

 **jisus**  
i do :D

 **minnie**  
it's 3 am  
what goes on?

 **memeho**  
hey hoes i was just watching cat videos on my phone when i heard people yelling in the room next to mine

 **chanpire**  
oh yeah that was binnie and sungie

 **minnie**  
it's the middle of the night  
why is no one asleep?

 **memeho**  
i told you, cat videos

 **jisus**  
i was taking a bath! :D

 **minnie**  
why at 3 am?

 **jisus**  
why not at 3 am...?  
it's not like i have anywhere else to be right now

 **minnie**  
how about your bed...?

 **jisus**  
no :)

 **memeho**  
relatable  
A Mood  
but i also think everyone should go to bed

 **jisus**  
oh wow, where did the common sense come from?  
and how did it completely miss me?

 **binblack**  
no jisung, it's not that you lack common sense, you simply choose to never act on it

 **jisus**  
ah yeah that makes sense  
ugh  
i'm really craving that vegan pasta bolignese they have at ikea right now

 **chanpire**  
isn't that on the kids menu?

 **jisus**  
and what about it  
also they have strawberry cheesecake there that i really like  
i really wanna go to ikea

 **minnie**  
once again, it is three in the morning  
ikea is not open

 **memeho**  
is this usually what your 3 am conversations look like?  
i mean that was a pretty random change of topic

 **chanpire**  
yeah, it is :/

 **jisus**  
hey hey hey  
i have a new favorite word  
it's snickerdoodle

 **binblack**  
good for you

 **memeho**  
please go to bed

 **binblack**  
but we were working on a new track!

 **memeho**  
i thought you were having deep and serious conversations about ikea and how much you love each other?

 **binblack**  
yeah, it's called multitasking

 **minnie**  
children  
all of you

 **chanpire**  
i???

 **minnie**  
okay maybe not you  
but ALMOST all of you

 **memeho**  
does that mean...

 **chanpire**  
no minho

 **memeho**  
i can call you guys...

 **chanpire**  
MINHO NO

 **memeho**  
...daddy?

 **chanpire**  
Big Sigh  
hey guys this has been chan, logging off now and never coming online at the same time as minho ever again  
bye

 **jisus**  
oh wow he really turned his phone off

 **binblack**  
i'm gonna go to bed and force jisungie to go with me

 **jisus**  
then you'll have to use force cause i don't wanna!

 **binblack**  
yeah, well,,, it's not like that's hard  
i have Muscles and you're Tiny™  
i could fit you in my pocket

 **jisus**  
now that's just weird

 **binblack**  
incoming!

 **jisus**  
okay isishHHHAH

 **memeho**  
i think that means changbin has taken him..  
rest in peace jisungie, you will be missed

 **minnie**  
minho hyung, go to bed  
you can watch cat videos in the morning

 **memeho**  
okay daddy!

 **minnie**  
W H A T

 **memeho**  
you started it... 🙄

 **minnie**  
i really didn't, but ok


	16. alcoholic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung is changing his screen name and chan is changing his rapper name. that's it. also, there's a shit ton of emojis

**group chat: kids. just kids (8)**

8:20 pm

**jisus**  
hey guys please i need your support

 **minnie**  
no u can't have it

 **tiktokstar**  
of course jisung!! my twin!! my bestie!! the love of my life!! my soulmate!!

 **jisus**  
thanks lovely i knew you'd have my back <33

 **memeho**  
it really depends on the situation  
why do you need our support?

 **jisus**  
so as you all know, there is a 3racha group chat

 **aussieboo**  
we are aware

 **jisus**  
and today we were changing our names in the gc  
chan hyung is workaholic  
bin hyung is shopaholic  
and i really wanna be alcoholic but chan hyung won't let me!

 **minnie**  
jisung you don't even drink

 **jisus**  
physically? no  
but meta-physically, i am constantly drunk

 **maknae**  
w a i t,, what does that even M E A N...?????

 **memeho**  
it's just his energy  
his vibes imply that he could be drunk even though he's not

 **jisus**  
yeah, see?  
it makes sense for my name to be alcoholic!

 **chanpire**  
why do you have to be alcoholic

 **jisus**  
i gotta match with u guys :(

 **binblack**  
just be coffeeholic  
like chan hyung suggested 300 times already

 **jisus**  
no that's boring!  
i wanna be alcoholic!

 **memeho**  
be diabolic

 **aussieboo**  
what does that word mean?

 **chanpire**  
nothing  
ignore it  
jisung, you're gonna be alcoholic because you're not an alcoholic, ok?

 **aussieboo**  
doesn't diabolic have something to do with the devil??

 **chanpire**  
ignore it jinnie  
jisung you will NOT be alcoholic!

 **jisus**  
i mean,,, you can't stop me

 **memeho**  
yeah hyung  
He's Got You There... 😕

 **aussieboo**  
oof  
a sad day for chan hyung

 **chanpire**  
what do you mean  
i deal with you guys' stupidity on the daily

 **jisus**  
me being alcoholic is not stupidity!  
it's just me wanting to match with you guys!

 **binblack**  
and now we're back to hyung's suggestion: coffeeholic

 **jisus**  
No, I refuse  
all those in favor of me being called alcoholic, press f in the chat

 **tiktokstar**  
f

 **aussieboo**  
f

 **memeho**  
f

 **minnie**  
f

 **chanpire**  
seungminnie? you too??

 **minnie**  
i enjoy watching chaos go down  
in fact, i take great pleasure in it

 **binblack**  
good to know

 **jisus**  
now it's 3:2  
which means that i get to be alcoholic!!

 **chanpire**  
...that's not math  
there are eight of us in the group

 **binblack**  
jeongin what do you think?

 **maknae**  
i couldn't care less about this  
but if jisung hyung wants to be alcoholic (which he very clearly wants to), i don't get why he shouldn't

 **jisus**  
omg innie thank you sm for your support!  
i love you!  
❤️💗💞💕💖💝💘💛😁💗💕❤️💖💝💛🤩💞💘😍💗💕❤️💖😘💖❤️💘💕❤️💞😁👍🏼💞💘❤️💖💕😘💛 👌🏼💘💗👍🏼❤️💞💖😁💖💕💘❤️💗💞  
ilysm!!!!

 **maknae**  
yeah yeah  
ily <3

 **jisus**  
💞💖💝💘💛😁💗💕❤️💖💝💛🤩💞💘😍💗💕❤️💖😘💖❤️💘💕❤️💞😁👍🏼💞💘❤️💖💕😘💛

 **maknae**  
stop spamming with emojis or i'll retract my support

 **jisus**  
ooOOPS sorry  
but anyway!  
now it's 8:2!

 **chanpire**  
that's also not math

 **binblack**  
i feel like you're just making up numbers that you think could be somewhat realistic without doing the actual math

 **minnie**  
it's 6:2  
stop complaining about his math and accept defeat

 **chanpire**  
...i still don't want him to make his name alcoholic

 **jisus**  
what?  
oh no, i already changed it before they even got the chance to vote

 **binblack**  
wHAT  
when???

 **jisus**  
i went back to our 3racha gc and changed my screen name when you two were busy arguing here

 **chanpire**  
ok

 **binblack**  
i guess we really have no power over it anyway

 **jisus**  
that is true 😄

-

**group chat: 3racha (3)**

8:40 pm

**alcoholic**  
and now here we are

 **workaholic**  
jisungie,,, ily but wHY  
you don't even drink

 **alcoholic**  
and what about it

 **shopaholic**  
as chan hyung usually says:  
Big Sigh

 **workaholic**  
hey stop stealing my thing!

 **shopaholic**  
why?  
it's not like you have it copyrighted or smth

 **alcoholic**  
ooh you could start adding it into songs!  
whisper "big sigh" before your verses

 **shopaholic**  
o o f

 **workaholic**  
that would be terrifying to listen to  
"ooh, here comes Big Sigh!"  
nopety nopety nope

 **shopaholic**  
lmao  
imagine if your rapper name was Big Sigh

 **alcoholic**  
well,,, it's on brand for him

 **workaholic**  
i hate that you're right

 **shopaholic**  
cb97 just doesn't capture who you are as a person  
Big Sigh, on the other hand...

 **workaholic**  
yeah yeah i get your point, stop harassing me  
i'm not changing my name to Big Sigh

 **shopaholic**  
you should though

 **workaholic**  
i will not

 **alcoholic**  
oh hang on a sec  
i know how we can settle this

-

**group chat: kids. just kids (8)**

8:48 pm

**jisus**  
all those in favor of chan hyung changing his rapper name to Big Sigh, press f in the chat

 **tiktokstar**  
f

 **aussieboo**  
f

 **memeho**  
f

 **maknae**  
f

 **minnie**  
i hate to do it, but  
f

 **chanpire**  
...sometimes i hate you guys

 **maknae**  
but you mostly love us  
right??

 **chanpire**  
yeah, i guess i do :/

 **jisus**  
yay 🤗

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i spontaneously dyed my hair blue last week and my brain is currently looping wannabe by itzy. that's p much how my life is going right now ahhhah  
> aside from that, i hope everyone is doing well and have a good day <33


	17. residential insomniacs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chan & jisung & felix have a gc together, none of them can sleep, and felix becomes a drug dealer

**group chat: residential insomniacs (3)**

4:11 am

**jisungie**  
i went to sleep and when i woke up, i thought "wow that was a good rest! such a refreshing nap!!"  
but then i looked at the time and realized that i had just closed my eyes for 2 minutes  
hahahh anyway

 **lixie**  
babieeee... :(((

 **jisungie**  
how are you two holding up on this fine evening  
omg lix!! you're awake  
wait... you should be in bed!

 **lixie**  
says you!  
also i really don't think 4 am counts as evening

 **jisungie**  
i just explained my own situation so i think you know why i'm awake  
but lix!!! have tried to sleep at least???

 **lixie**  
yeah  
i tried for 3 hours  
sometimes my breathing got a little heaver and i was like "yes! this is it!" but then i realized that sleep is not an out-of-body experience and that i was still wide awake  
lmao

 **jisungie**  
Relatable

 **channie**  
guys you should be Asleep  
Resting

 **jisungie**  
hyungie! you're up too!

 **lixie**  
oh no i hope we didn't wake you??

 **channie**  
nah i was already up

 **jisungie**  
wow, love that for us  
only 1 out of 4 vampires in this group is functional

 **lixie**  
yeah... props to minho hyung for that

 **channie**  
there's actually a psychological explanation for why vampires are at higher risk than werewolves for mental illness, insomnia etc

 **lixie**  
wow  
almost makes me wish i was a werewolf

 **jisungie**  
yeah... imagine having a sleep schedule

 **lixie**  
lmao  
can't relate

 **channie**  
well  
wait didn't you have sleeping pills?  
or did you run out?

 **lixie**  
chan hyungieee

 **jisungie**  
but i don't like taking them :((

 **channie**  
guys.., you really should  
not sleeping is bad for you

 **lixie**  
but you have to sleep too hyungie

 **channie**  
yeah i'll try  
as soon as you two go to bed

 **lixie**  
OR we could flip the day again!

 **jisungie**  
oh yeah! sleep during the day and be awake at night, like we did last summer!

 **channie**  
...that's not a decision that should be made at 4 am  
also, lix you have classes  
that won't work for you

 **lixie**  
aww but i wanna :((

 **channie**  
you can do it as soon as you graduate

 **jisungie**  
what about me?? i wanna flip the day!!

 **channie**  
you don't have any daytime obligations so yeah, you could do that  
but not right now  
you should not make that decision when you've barely had any sleep

 **jisungie**  
but if i go to bed now and sleep a normal amount, my day will be a little bit flipped

 **channie**  
just,,  
try to sleep, okay?  
both of you  
if you wanna flip the day then that's fine, but you gotta sleep first  
okay?  
please

 **lixie**  
yeah... okay hyung :((

 **jisungie**  
we will  
but you gotta sleep too!

 **channie**  
i promise i'll try to!

 **jisungie**  
go cuddle minho hyung or something  
just Try Your Best!!! <3

 **channie**  
i will <3  
and what about you two??

 **lixie**  
i'm dealing out the drugs as we speak

 **channie**  
ah, i see  
the sleeping pills

 **jisungie**  
yesss  
i'll take some of your strongest drugs, sir  
make sure to knock me tf out!

 **lixie**  
will do!  
let's take them at the same time!

 **channie**  
wait are you next to each other  
why are you typing in the gc??

 **jisungie**  
oh  
yeah  
probably should put our phones away..

 **channie**  
intelligent decision

 **lixie**  
good night hyung! i hope you get sleep!~~

 **channie**  
yeah yeah  
you too <3


	18. be yourself-bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people are not perfect the way they are and that should be said
> 
> anyway. maknae line is pushing their conformity agenda, felix wants hyunjin to turn him into an egg, and chan suffers but what else is new

**group chat: stray squids (8)**

7:51 pm

**tiktokstar**  
whoever said that everyone is perfect the way they are is in for a rude awakening

 **binblack**  
wait what  
what does that mean

 **minnie**  
the person who said that has clearly never heard of murderers, rapists & pedophiles

 **tiktokstar**  
or sexists, homophobes & racists

 **jisus**  
or nazis, abusers & donald trump

 **maknae**  
i'm pretty sure he fits into at least three of those categories already though

 **jisus**  
oh you're right...  
didn't actually have to make him a separate item, lol

 **chanpire**  
i don't know who started "everyone is perfect the way they are", but...  
...i don't think it was ever meant to be applied to those situations

 **aussieboo**  
okay guys i know you're having a serious conversation but i have an important announcement to make

 **chanpire**  
ok ok  
we're listening

 **aussieboo**  
okay so no more diversity and this "bE yoUrSelf" bullshit  
everyone should have the same type of humor  
i'm tired of being the only one laughing in a room full of people that are all silently judging me for my humor

 **tiktokstar**  
o o f

 **jisus**  
same but like,,, opposite

 **minnie**  
you mean that everyone should have the same type of humor so that everyone will laugh at your jokes?

 **jisus**  
exactly

 **maknae**  
individuality is officially OVER!  
from now on, everyone should look and behave like a cardboard cutout version of john mulaney

 **aussieboo**  
omg yes!

 **chanpire**  
I Do Not support these ideas

 **minnie**  
I do

 **chanpire**  
of course you do...  
i should have expected that

 **memeho**  
not to be religious but seungmin is such a virgo

 **binblack**  
what do you mean religious??  
zodiac signs have nothing with religion to do

 **memeho**  
sounds like a you problem

 **binblack**  
but it's not a problem...?

 **memeho**  
well then stop talking about it!

 **binblack**  
ok :/

 **maknae**  
but chan hyung  
if not john mulaney, then who should we make cardboard cutouts of?

 **tiktokstar**  
minho hyung!

 **aussieboo**  
omg yes!!!

 **chanpire**  
No! that's terrifying

 **memeho**  
hate to say it, but i agree  
that is terrifying

 **binblack**  
then who???

 **chanpire**  
not to be a buzzkill but why do you need everyone to be exactly the same?  
what's wrong with individuality?

 **maknae**  
ohmygosh hyung, keep up with the times!  
individuality is over!!

 **tiktokstar**  
it's just not Trendy anymore!

 **chanpire**  
ok ok

 **jisus**  
individuality is over, conformity is IN  
time for us to spread our conformity agenda

 **chanpire**  
how???  
hang on  
don't answer that, i don't actually wanna know

 **tiktokstar**  
smart choice

 **minnie**  
well that's ominous

 **tiktokstar**  
are you with us or against us, seungminnie??  
cause we will not hesitate to Take You Down

 **minnie**  
bold of you to assume you can  
but yeah i'm with you

 **tiktokstar**  
Good :)

 **chanpire**  
i have no idea what's going on anymore

 **aussieboo**  
tbh i don't think anyone does

 **memeho**  
soo...  
is anyone gonna say anything that's actually interesting, or…?

 **minnie**  
changbin hyung is just a sentient pizza slice

 **binblack**  
i did nothing!!!!

 **minnie**  
triangle looking headass bitch… :/

 **jisus**  
oh! you know those threads on instagram of people as shapes?

 **maknae**  
can't say that i do

 **tiktokstar**  
i do, i know!  
lol we should do those edits on some of our selcas  
but.. on an unrelated note  
is anyone here good at photoshop??  
i need a favor

 **aussieboo**  
i know Picsart

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah ok that will do

 **chanpire**  
what do u need it for?

 **tiktokstar**  
i want him to turn me into an egg  
bald  
round  
smooth  
fragile  
unpredictable

 **chanpire**  
???

 **tiktokstar**  
lol i'm kidding  
i wanna see what i would look like with green hair

 **binblack**  
why green

 **memeho**  
i think u look really good in red though  
like a strawberry  
very fruity

 **tiktokstar**  
thanks, i think...?

 **aussieboo**  
ok i can edit you with green hair  
but first i must turn you into an egg

 **chanpire**  
why must you do that?

 **aussieboo**  
because my attention peaked at the mention of an egg, lol  
gotta do it for the vine

 **minnie**  
vine is dead

 **aussieboo**  
yeah whatever  
lix i'm gonna turn you into an egg now!

 **tiktokstar**  
oui oui monsieur

 **maknae**  
omg!! no french please 😔🙏🏼  
i don't wanna be reminded of the guillotine

 **chanpire**  
...what

 **binblack**  
hyung, just leave it  
it's better that way

 **chanpire**  
ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have almost no classes this week bc i’m a music major and all the music classes are cancelled since the music teachers are judging auditions :))


	19. marsumellows... marshumullows?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no one can spell, changbin comes for chan's branding, and minho opens a discussion about american personalities

**group chat: kids who stray (8)**

6:15 pm

_  
jisus shared a location on naver maps   
_

**jisus**  
who wants to hang out with me here?

 **binblack**  
where is that?

 **aussieboo**  
what can you do there?

 **jisus**  
it's our hotel

 **tiktokstar**  
...why am i not surprised  
but anyway i'll come hang out in your room sungie!

 **jisus**  
bring snacks!!

 **tiktokstar**  
of course!!! who do you think i am???  
i'm actually really craving some marsumellows right about now

 **jisus**  
omg same  
i also want marshumellows

 **memeho**  
you're spelling it's wrong  
it's marsemallows

 **minnie**  
no it's not, you're all wrong

 **binblack**  
i think it's marshemellows

 **minnie**  
again, you're all wrong  
the correct answer was marshmallows

 **tiktokstar**  
that looks really wrong to me

 **chanpire**  
don't you guys have autocorrect on your phones?

 **jisus**  
yeah but sometimes autocorrect tries to correct my keyboard smashes  
i just can't trust it after that :(

 **tiktokstar**  
omg same!

 **aussieboo**  
yeah it does that to me too!

 **minnie**  
oof  
you're all such chaotic gays

 **aussieboo**  
and i take great pride in that 😤

 **tiktokstar**  
wait, important question  
where can you get marsimellows around here???

 **minnie**  
just use autocorrect ffs  
also there's a small store on the bottom floor, they might have some

 **tiktokstar**  
oh wait i just realized i have mashmullows in my bag  
jisungie i'm coming!

 **jisus**  
yaaay!

 **aussieboo**  
can i also join or is this a jilix thing?

 **jisus**  
no no, you can come too!  
the more the merrier or whatever it is chan hyung says!

 **chanpire**  
..."whatever it is chan hyung says"  
thanks for paying attention to me sungie

 **jisus**  
you're welcome ☺️💞

 **binblack**  
be glad he even acknowledges you at all  
sOme PeoPlE try to tell him things and he just ignores them completely

 **jisus**  
i feel like you're thinking about someone specific here...

 **binblack**  
I TRIED...  
FOR TWO (2) HOURS  
TWENTY SEVEN CALLS  
FORTY NINE TEXTS  
AND WHAT DO I GET?  
that wasn't a rhetorical question, i'm actually waiting for you to respond  
JISUNG, WHAT DO I GET?

 **jisus**  
wait i gotta go back and quote my response word by word

 **tiktokstar**  
in other words, copy paste

 **jisus**  
"lmao, k"

 **aussieboo**  
you had to go back and copy paste that one short text? was it rly that hard to remember??

 **jisus**  
yes lol

 **binblack**  
five letters and a comma  
is that all i'm worth to you jisung???

 **jisus**  
no!  
there was a space in the middle, too!  
five letters, a comma and a space!!!

 **binblack**  
...i'm really tempted to steal chan hyung's branding right now  
Big Sigh, i'm coming for you

 **chanpire**  
what did i ever do to you

 **binblack**  
nothing, and that's exactly the problem :/

 **memeho**  
oof  
3racha drama  
inch resting

 **minnie**  
wait, changbin hyung, what were you even trying to tell jisung?

 **binblack**  
oh, that  
i wanted to tell him that i was changing the major chord in the last repeat of the progression in the pre-chorus to a major 7 as buildup for the hook

 **minnie**  
that's...  
the opposite of important

 **chanpire**  
it was also something that i had already told jisung a few minutes before changbin even started trying to reach him

 **minnie**  
ignoring that it was a completely unimportant reason to send him 49 texts and call 27 times,,,  
jisung, why didn't you answer changbin hyung?

 **jisus**  
i was showering

 **minnie**  
for two hours????

 **jisus**  
nah

 **memeho**  
then what else were you doing?

 **jisus**  
talking to you...?  
minho hyung, don't you remember that???

 **memeho**  
oh yeah right!!!  
we were discussing our american personalities!

 **minnie**  
wdym

 **memeho**  
what we're like in america  
yknow  
chan hyung becomes Extra Australian, jisung flashes his abs, felix goes tiktok boy deluxe, innie suddenly looks grown up...

 **binblack**  
ooh that makes sense

 **minnie**  
what does the american air do to you?

 **memeho**  
that's exactly what we were discussing

 **jisus**  
we become Americaine™

 **chanpire**  
i hated that

 **minnie**  
same

 **tiktokstar**  
shut up sky kim and christopher bang  
you're both Americaine™ when you're under the influence of american air, just as much as the rest of us

 **binblack**  
"under the influence"

 **aussieboo**  
really makes it sound like it's some kind of drug

 **jisus**  
oh yeah i think it is  
you could definitely overdose on it

 **tiktokstar**  
so how did you die??

 **jisus**  
yeah you know, it was just your typical overdose, really  
breathed a little too much, lungs couldn't take anymore  
pretty awesome, right???

 **aussieboo**  
lmao

 **minnie**  
okay i'm done dealing with your crackhead personalities for the day

 **memeho**  
same  
lmk if any of them do something stupid that i can laugh about

 **binblack**  
oof, gotta love how supportive minho hyung is

 **chanpire**  
wait, aren't jilix in the same room right now?  
and hyunjin too?  
why are they still writing in the gc?

 **tiktokstar**  
because we live to entertain

 **chanpire**  
go pay attention to your marshmellows and your two boyfriends instead

 **minnie**  
oh my god chan hyung, not you too...

 **chanpire**  
wdym?

 **minnie**  
"marshmellows"  
your spelling was not right

 **jisus**  
but that looks right to me?

 **minnie**  
it's not

 **jisus**  
well whatever  
it's not like any of us can actually spell

 **tiktokstar**  
lmao

 **aussieboo**  
true though


	20. F I R E

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix looks for a fire extinguisher, jisung forgets the word for edible worms, and Big Sigh makes a comeback

**group chat: stray clowns (8)**

5:45 pm

**tiktokstar**  
i would like to go on record and state that the following question is purely hypothetical and has no achor whatsoever in reality

 **binblack**  
fancy way of saying "hypothetical question" but okay

 **tiktokstar**  
do you happen to know the whereabouts of the nearest fire extinguisher?

 **maknae**  
...i'm not even gonna ask  
but i think there is one in the harry potter room

 **tiktokstar**  
oh okay thanks!!!

 **memeho**  
are you talking about the room under the stairs

 **maknae**  
yeah  
is that not what i said

 **binblack**  
okay jeongin…  
okay...

-

6:27 pm

**chanpire**  
guys  
why does the couch look like it's been on fire recently?

 **jisus**  
halloween decor

 **tiktokstar**  
aesthetic

 **aussieboo**  
it wasn't us!

 **memeho**  
well that's just outright false  
i mean, who else could it be?

 **aussieboo**  
okay FINE you got me, it was us, but it wasn't my idea!  
okay it kinda was...  
but at least we regret it...?

 **minnie**  
they do not regret it one bit

 **chanpire**  
okay, wtf happened in our living room?

 **tiktokstar**  
it isn't what it looks like!

 **chanpire**  
it looks like the couch was on fire

 **jisus**  
okay  
in that case, it might be exactly what it looks like

 **chanpire**  
guys!  
what have we said about starting fires???

 **tiktokstar**  
...to only start them with hyung supervision

 **chanpire**  
and what did you do?

 **tiktokstar**  
...started one without hyung supervision

 **chanpire**  
good! now what have you learned from this?

 **aussieboo**  
that next time, we have to be better at cleaning up our tracks so that our hyungs don't notice anything

 **binblack**  
i don't think that's what chan hyung wanted you to say

 **chanpire**  
good job binnie, you're absolutely correct  
fires are DANGEROUS  
do we want dangerous things in our home???

 **jisus**  
YES!!

 **tiktokstar**  
YEAH

 **aussieboo**  
ABSOLUTELY!

 **chanpire**  
...that was a rhetorical question, and the answer was supposed to be a very firm NO

 **jisus**  
you're putting too high expectations on us  
we just can't live under such suffocating circumstances...

 **tiktokstar**  
we're all suffering under the pressure of your extreme expectations...

 **aussieboo**  
yeah, how can we ever live up to these expectations??  
we're stuck in a cycle of unrealistic goals, followed by parental disappointment

 **memeho**  
i see you're all very dramatic, as well

 **tiktokstar**  
yeet

 **chanpire**  
all i did was ask you not to start fires when there's no adult present

 **tiktokstar**  
we're all adults though

 **binblack**  
yeah, but he means adulting adults

 **maknae**  
literally no one in this group is an adulting adult though?  
maybe with the exception of chan hyung

 **memeho**  
i think that depends on how you define 'adulting'  
personally i don't think any adult ever knows what they're doing, we just get better at bullshitting

 **binblack**  
the rude one has a point

 **memeho**  
:/

 **minnie**  
omg  
he actually used an emoticon  
that's some serious proof of how upset he is

 **memeho**  
not upset, just highly annoyed

 **jisus**  
HOLY SHIT HELP  
i just forgot the word for those edible worms!

 **memeho**  
random change of topic but ok

 **chanpire**  
edible... worms...???

 **minnie**  
jisung, you and i are having an irl conversation  
why did you have to text the gc?

 **jisus**  
YES!!! and i was trying to tell you that i want edible worms!  
but i can't remember what they're called!

 **binblack**  
is it a candy?

 **chanpire**  
jisung what the fuck

 **jisus**  
bin hyung i appreciate you trying to help me <3 but no it's not a candy  
chan hyung shut up

 **chanpire**  
i breathed

 **tiktokstar**  
you mean noodles?

 **jisus**  
Y E S ! ! !  
thanks lix you're a lifesaver!1! <3

 **minnie**  
thanks, now i know

 **memeho**  
well that was weird  
not that i'm surprised

 **maknae**  
gays i also have an important question about a word that i forgot

 **chanpire**  
okay innie, what is it?

 **maknae**  
what's felix hyung's english name?

 **memeho**  
look at that sentence again and let me know if you're still wondering what FELIX's english name is

 **maknae**  
yeah ok...?  
i don't get it  
how do you say felix in english??

 **aussieboo**  
ooh i know!

 **chanpire**  
let's hope he actually does know

 **aussieboo**  
it's young book!

 **maknae**  
oh ok  
thanks hyunjinnie hyung!

 **memeho**  
ffs

 **chanpire**  
W A I T...  
i let you distract me from the real problem here  
the couch! the fire!

 **aussieboo**  
sorry hyung!

 **tiktokstar**  
suddenly i have to go water my windows

 **jisus**  
oOOPS i forgot i had to go execute my pet seahorse!  
fuck  
i meant excersive  
excersise  
excersice  
FUCK how do you spell it???

 **binblack**  
well... all i know is that execute is not correct

 **jisus**  
yeah no shit

 **minnie**  
again,,, you could just use autocorrect

 **jisus**  
excursus  
nope didn't work  
that was the only suggestion i got  
autocorrect has failed me once again

 **chanpire**  
i don't care about your pet seahorse  
there was a FIRE!

 **aussieboo**  
oOOPS gotta blast!

 **maknae**  
felix hyung and jisung hyung just ran away from their phones

 **chanpire**  
Big Sigh

 **binblack**  
oh yeah, Big Sigh!!!  
come on hyung!  
spit some fire! bars bars bars!!!

 **chanpire**  
...what

 **memeho**  
you legally changed your rapper name to Big Sigh a while back

 **chanpire**  
i literally didn't

 **maknae**  
well everyone here thinks you did  
if everyone believes it, it's true even if it isn't true

 **memeho**  
Words of Wisdom

 **binblack**  
so wait  
who actually started the fire?

 **chanpire**  
based on everything that's happened in this gc today...  
i'd say it was sung, lixie and jinnie

 **maknae**  
what about seungmin hyung

 **chanpire**  
what about him?

 **maknae**  
he also ran away from his phone  
and i mean, he was with them when they were looking for the fire extinguisher

 **chanpire**  
that sneaky little guy...

 **memeho**  
lmao  
he knows no one would accuse him of anything if he just stays quiet while the other three get blamed

 **binblack**  
and since all four of them have a "snitches get stitches" mentality, we never find out if the people we assume are guilty are the only guilty ones

 **memeho**  
very true

 **chanpire**  
and since they're not gonna learn anything from this, i guess i will:  
never leave the four of them alone again

 **maknae**  
watch us do the same mistake tomorrow again

 **memeho**  
lmao we can't stop them from being alone together

 **chanpire**  
no, but we can try

 **maknae**  
sounds exhausting  
i give up

 **chanpire**  
...we haven't even tried

 **binblack**  
i agree with innie

 **memeho**  
big oof.. i also agree

 **chanpire**  
ok :/


	21. jyp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is what it has come to

**group chat: stray comedians (8)**

11:59 pm

**jisus**  
*whispers* jyp

 **binblack**  
no fucking thank you

 **memeho**  
put that shit back where it came from

 **jisus**  
*raises voice slightly* jyp

 **binblack**  
go to bed

 **jisus**  
*yells*JYP

 **chanpire**  
who the fuck yelled JYP at the top of their lungs the moment the clock turned 12???  
ah nvm i just read your messages  
jisung go the fuck to bed

 **jisus**  
...  
*whispers* jyp, out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so that happened…


	22. conspiracy theory time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix is lied to by jisung because minho told him to say so… or smth like that. anyway, it's conspiracy theory time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing when i'm tired is always a fun experience, because later when i look back at what i wrote, it's either the most hilarious shit ever or just completely incomprehensible in a "wtf is this bs???"-kinda way.

**group chat: gay kids (8)**

3:18 pm

**tiktokstar**  
I'M WHEEZIN  
I CAN'T BREATH AKSHDJFHD  
LOLOLOL HAHAHAHJAHSHAHJHJA

 **binblack**  
what's going on  
please answer u're scaring me

 **tiktokstar**  
I JUST FOUND OUT MINHO HYUNG'S MIDDLE NAME

 **maknae**  
and? u probably shouldn't be laughing at him

 **chanpire**  
wait  
koreans don't have middle names

 **tiktokstar**  
I'M NOT BUT ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS  
J-AMIE WYNE HOUSE  
GET IT? AHHAHSJJAHJHA

 **aussieboo**  
wait what's so funny

 **maknae**  
yea i don't get it either

 **tiktokstar**  
HIS MIDDLE NAMES ARE JAMIE AND WYNE  
J-AMIE WYNE HOUSE

 **aussieboo**  
AHHHH I GET IT  
lool that's funny

 **tiktokstar**  
MINHO HYUNG, COME SING SOME SONGS

 **aussieboo**  
YEAH LIKE THAT REALLY GOOD ONE ABOUT GOING TO REHAB  
COME ON J-AMIE WYNE HOUSE

 **tiktokstar**  
MINHO HYUNG MINHO HYUNG

 **aussieboo**  
HYUNG HYUNG HYUNG

 **memeho**  
...  
i've literally been here the whole time and it isn't that funny

 **binblack**  
Oh hey, Minho hyung! :))

 **memeho**  
hello changbin

 **tiktokstar**  
lololol suddenly he's using capital letters and proper punctuation

 **aussieboo**  
wonder why  
but whatever this isn't about our friend who desperately wants to prove he has nothing to do with this bs

 **tiktokstar**  
ur right  
this is about our dear neighborhood grumpy cat ms J-amie wyne house

 **memeho**  
those are not my middle names

 **tiktokstar**  
nice try, jisung told me the truth  
no need for excuses

 **memeho**  
no, they're literally not my middle names  
my full name is lee minho  
there's nothing else to it

 **tiktokstar**  
but jisung said so??

 **memeho**  
ya cuz that's what i've told him to tell people

 **aussieboo**  
ohmygosh guys  
i think minho hyung has a secret identity

**aussieboo** changed the chat name to **conspiracy theory time**

**aussieboo**  
guys u know what it's time for

 **maknae**  
conspiracies!!!

 **aussieboo**  
that's right, and we're starting off with minho hyung's secret identity

 **chanpire**  
i think u might be taking this a bit far

 **memeho**  
No, I think u should take it even further  
how about taking it to another galaxy?  
leave the planet

 **maknae**  
he's just kidding he loves us

 **aussieboo**  
aww you love us minho hyung?

 **memeho**  
i didn't even ...

 **aussieboo**  
or should i say...  
J-AMIE WYNE HOUSE

 **tiktokstar**  
if that's your real name, that is

 **memeho**  
that's not my real name and you know it  
oh whatever I'm leaving  
@jisus @jisus @jisus  
come handle the problem u caused @jisus  
i'm leaving now

 **tiktokstar**  
bye minho hyung

 **aussieboo**  
if that's really your name...

 **jisus**  
guys why is the group chat blowing up

 **tiktokstar**  
scroll up

 **jisus**  
hang on 3 secs

 **maknae**  
guys what if you hurt minho hyung's feelings and that's why he left :(

 **aussieboo**  
...  
i mean, he's usually pretty vocal about it when we piss him off

 **maknae**  
but there's a difference between sad and pissed off  
what if he thinks we're seriously bullying him for his name

 **tiktokstar**  
if those really are his names...

 **jisus**  
J-AMIE WYNE HOUSE I'M bout to piss myself laughing

 **tiktokstar**  
I KNOW IT'S GENIUS RIGHT??

 **maknae**  
but why is he saying that it's not his name  
is he insecure about his middle names?

 **jisus**  
i should probably explain  
wait why do i have to explain  
korean names don't work like that, he doesn't have any other names  
so i don't think those are his names anymore

 **aussieboo**  
aNYmOrE???

 **maknae**  
u don't think? ur not sure?

 **binblack**  
ohmygosh i told u to be nicer about it

 **jisus**  
don't freak out, he's fine  
it's not like you actually did something upsetting  
this is not it

 **binblack**  
okay...  
slightly less worried now, but still

 **aussieboo**  
that's the drama for today i think

 **tiktokstar**  
but wait what about his secret identity?

 **jisus**  
lol I'm gonna humor u and play along

 **chanpire**  
if he has a secret identity, that's a him thing, not an us thing

 **aussieboo**  
no look, he might be a russian spy

 **maknae**  
why tf does it always have to be a Russian spy

 **tiktokstar**  
cause they always russian  
get it? cause russian sounds like rushing?

 **jisus**  
ya we got it, it wasn't funny

 **aussieboo**  
how about a mongolian spy then

 **tiktokstar**  
yes! loving the theories hyunjin, keep em coming!

 **jisus**  
u and hyunjin are slowly becoming the same person  
i literally can't tell ur texts apart without looking at your usernames

 **chanpire**  
yea same

 **tiktokstar**  
i'm still offended that jisung said my joke wasn't funny

 **aussieboo**  
don't worry i thought it was funny  
don't let the haters get u down boo

 **jisus**  
boo?

 **chanpire**  
boo?

 **maknae**  
boo?

 **tiktokstar**  
oof thank u for ur sympathy smiles, i appreciate the effort

 **maknae**  
okay I'm leaving now too, bye guys

 **chanpire**  
this conversation has been highly confusing  
what's up with minho's secret identities?  
why did jisung know about it, and why did felix find out?  
so many questions, so few answers...

 **binblack**  
i honestly think it's best if we don't go too deep into it

 **jisus**  
so you know how minho hyung is 73 years old??  
yeah that's the explanation

 **aussieboo**  
???

 **tiktokstar**  
that... was not an explanation  
not in the slightest

 **jisus**  
ok ok ok  
so, hyung has been alive a long time  
and he's been to lots of places  
and sometimes, he had to use other identities

 **aussieboo**  
OH!

 **binblack**  
are you saying jamie and wyne are fake names that he used???

 **jisus**  
nuh  
i'm not saying anything  
i'm leaving it up for interpretation  
but yeah basically

 **chanpire**  
but wait  
why do YOU know about it..?

 **jisus**  
why wouldn't i??? it's minho hyung we're talking about

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah he has a point  
if minho hyung was gonna tell anyone, it'd be jisung

 **binblack**  
i am more confused now than before this conversation started

 **chanpire**  
same  
i'm jealous of those of us who haven't been here to witness this mess

 **aussieboo**  
shoutout to seungmin and partly to jeongin for leaving before it got super confusing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhahah so there are >1000 cases of corona in my city and apparently a majority of them are in like the specific area where i live so that's fun i guess
> 
> anyway the next part is the insomniac group chat again :)


	23. insomniacs back at it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> creativity strikes when you can't sleep, so the residential insomniacs basically plan Side Effects around 4 am

**group chat: residential insomniacs (3)**

3:45 am

**jisungie**  
i'm hungry all the time  
why?

 **channie**  
have you tried eating

 **jisungie**  
not what i meant :/

 **lixie**  
changes in apetite is a possible side effect of sleeping pills  
i know bc i read up on it yesterday  
i think the pills gave me a headache :/

 **jisungie**  
oh wow, love that for us

 **lixie**  
mEurI ApEudA !!!!!

 **channie**  
that could be a song

 **jisungie**  
Side effects  
SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE CHANGES IN APETITE, HEADACHES...  
idk what else  
i'm not the one who googled it

 **lixie**  
i can just copy paste everything i found and then chan hyung can make a beat for it  
we'll ask changbin hyung to help write a rap  
me, minho hyung & hyunjin will choreograph

 **jisungie**  
great i'll get started on the lyrics

 **channie**  
i'm not sure if you're joking or not but i just got an idea for a sound  
something influenced by psychedelic trance

 **lixie**  
that sounds great!

 **jisungie**  
omg please use triplets for the beat at some point in the song  
that'll sound really good and we can rap over it in a cool way

 **lixie**  
yeah  
make something that will give everyone a headache

 **channie**  
good pointers!

 **lixie**  
the choreography should be punchy and in your face  
and a little droopy cause we're drugged

 **jisungie**  
everything should be kinda flipped  
if you play the chords backwards and bounce them to an audio region, you can reverse them and add reverb or delay so it sounds slightly odd

 **channie**  
oh yeah!  
kinda like the opposite of what you're used to hearing

 **lixie**  
exactly! cause the drugs make everything twisted

 **jisungie**  
can't believe this is a 3 am conversation

 **lixie**  
it's almost 4 am now

 **channie**  
it's times like these that i'm really glad we have a separate group chat for the insomniacs  
i would not want to wake everyone else just bc we're trying to plan a new song

 **jisungie**  
creativity strikes when you can't sleep

 **lixie**  
aka, all the time :)  
at least for us

 **jisungie**  
lmao true

 **channie**  
ok guys, maybe we should try to sleep

 **jisungie**  
but we just planned an awesome song!  
don't lie, you've probably already started a new project in cubase... :/

 **channie**  
i mean you've got me there...

 **jisungie**  
lmao

 **lixie**  
well i can't start choreographing until there's a track for me to dance to, so i guess

 **channie**  
you're gonna try to sleep?

 **lixie**  
i guess i'll just have to come up with moves and adjust them so they fit the song later :)

 **channie**  
Sigh  
i was wrong for getting my hopes up

 **jisungie**  
i really wanna make a joke about Big Sigh right now but this is our most wholesome chat and i don't wanna taint it

 **lixie**  
yeah...  
it's probably the least crackheady gc we have  
which is surprising considering both me & sungie are in it

 **channie**  
yeah  
but i guess it's just because this chat is our space for when we can't sleep  
and even though sleep deprivation causes stupid thoughts, we all want the other two to get some sleep  
so supporting each other is more important than being funny i guess

 **jisungie**  
oh yeah... that's true  
i mean we make jokes here too, but i think the only thing we ever joke about is how we can't sleep

 **lixie**  
humor is my coping mechanism

 **jisungie**  
lol same  
but seriously  
when we can't sleep, we just want Support and not biATCH lOok at These GREEN BEANS!!!!!

 **channie**  
...what

 **jisungie**  
that was my impression of our stupid thoughts

 **channie**  
oh  
yah that was pretty spot on  
good impression!

 **jisungie**  
thanks hyung!

 **lixie**  
even our names in this group chat are wholesome...  
everything's just Soft and Supportive up in this bitch 💞💖💘💕

 **channie**  
you say sweet things, but then you add "up in this bitch"  
i am very confused  
but also, you are Right 💘💗💕💖💞

 **jisungie**  
i don't have anything to say but i also wanna send hearts  
💘💞💖💝💛💕

 **lixie**  
aww  
Wholesome

 **channie**  
how bout we try and get some sleep?  
the track and our ideas for it will still be here in the morning

 **jisungie**  
soo...  
cuddle session??

 **channie**  
yeah come to my bed

 **lixie**  
i'll bring the biggest fluffiest blanket we own!!

 **jisungie**  
and i'll bring some pillows!!

 **channie**  
okay 💞💘💝💕💛💗💖


	24. This Is Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seungmin is annoyed, minho is the only one with any power in this household, and then they have a movie night

**group chat: stray cowboys (8)**

9:28 pm

**minnie**  
life's a bitch

 **tiktokstar**  
...but mine's a movie?

 **minnie**  
hahahha, i like blackpink  
but no.  
life's just a bitch this time

 **maknae**  
why??

 **minnie**  
sleeping in the same room as hyunjin is getting more and more annoying with each day that passes

 **chanpire**  
what? why?

 **minnie**  
you also share a room with us  
you should know

 **binblack**  
lmao as if chan hyung is ever in his bed

 **memeho**  
lmao, as if ANY of us are ever in our own beds at night  
i think i can count the times felix has slept in his own bed on one hand

 **minnie**  
anyway  
backt to the hyunjin problem

 **chanpire**  
what's the problem?

 **aussieboo**  
there is no problem!  
not unless you count seungminnie's lack of taste 😤

 **minnie**  
hyunjin randomly starts singing This Is Halloween in the middle of the night, as if it isn't the middle of fucking march

 **tiktokstar**  
oooh jeongin does smth similar!  
he's been singing All I Want For Christmas every night for the past week!

 **maknae**  
the difference here is that my roommate (aka jisung) actually enjoys it

 **memeho**  
true though

 **aussieboo**  
sad face

 **binblack**  
...did you really just type out sad face

 **jisus**  
ohayo!! :D  
much to everyone's dismay, i am back today with another Thought™  
everyone who's name ends with "in" is a werewolf

 **memeho**  
i-...  
what

 **tiktokstar**  
oh... he's right

 **jisus**  
changbIN, hyunjIN, seungmIN, jeongIN

 **memeho**  
i would never have made that connection myself

 **minnie**  
thanks jisung for pointing it out  
that was completely useless

 **tiktokstar**  
but if no one sleeps in their own bed anyway, why doesn't seungminnie just go sleep in another room?

 **aussieboo**  
ooh! i didn't consider that

 **chanpire**  
yeah, that's a valid question  
seungmin why don't you?

 **minnie**  
is there any room that is any better than my own?

 **binblack**  
yeah! there's...  
uh...  
gimme a sec

 **minnie**  
jisung & jeongin? no  
you & felix? nope  
and that's it  
i have no better option

 **memeho**  
sleep on the couch

 **minnie**  
wow thanks

 **binblack**  
sleep under the stairs

 **minnie**  
you know i like harry potter, but not so much that i wanna live like him

 **jisus**  
build a sound-isolated crate, fill it with pillows and blankets and then you can sleep in it

 **minnie**  
sadly, that's the best suggestion yet  
thank you jisung for contributing  
and for once i'm not being sarcastic

 **memeho**  
stop being dramatic 🙄

 **chanpire**  
why doesn't hyunjin just sleep in jeongin and jisung's room then?

 **aussieboo**  
half the reason i'm singing is to annoy seungmo  
so no i won't move :)

 **minnie**  
...bItch

 **maknae**  
ooh what's the other half of the reason??

 **aussieboo**  
This is halloween is A R T and it should be shared with the world at the most unexpected hours of the day!  
because That's What It Deserves! 😤😤

 **tiktokstar**  
amen!

 **chanpire**  
can i ask why hyunjin isn't sleeping at night?

 **aussieboo**  
i am! but right before going to sleep, i gotta sing  
it's tradition

 **memeho**  
oh yes, traditions are important!

 **chanpire**  
go to bed earlier  
let seungmin sleep  
stop singing

 **aussieboo**  
...but i wanna

 **memeho**  
Not Anymore.

 **aussieboo**  
ok

 **minnie**  
...really?  
just like that??

 **aussieboo**  
what can i say, it's minho hyung

 **chanpire**  
Big Sigh

 **binblack**  
oOH big sigh is making a comeback!!

 **chanpire**  
ffs, NO  
i'm NOT big sigh!

 **jisus**  
denying it doesn't make it less true hyung

 **tiktokstar**  
yeehaw

 **chanpire**  
...felix, what?

 **tiktokstar**  
yee haw  
that's my way of agreeing

 **minnie**  
just let him do what he's gotta do

 **tiktokstar**  
yeet  
seungmo's right  
just leave me alone hyung

 **chanpire**  
...oookay?

 **binblack**  
i don't even know what's going on anymore

 **memeho**  
mOVIE NIGHT!!

 **chanpire**  
suddenly?

 **minnie**  
just out of nowhere?

 **jisus**  
guys stop questioning it or you're gonna be late to the living room!

 **chanpire**  
...i guess we're having a movie night then  
makes total sense

 **memeho**  
yup let's go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm, might fuck around and start another text fic soon... (i say, as if i don't have another one in the works already (lmao))
> 
> no but seriously, i need something with more plot but i don't feel like forming sentences so yeah,,, another text fic it is!


	25. harmonica vs kazoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they form a band, and there's a mention of patricia. that's about it

**group chat: stay kids (8)**

9:17 pm

**jisus**  
sometimes there are clowns in our house  
sometimes not  
it depends

 **binblack**  
on what???

 **memeho**  
on whether or not jisung is at home

 **jisus**  
gASP  
this is felix erasure!

 **memeho**  
oh right, he's a clown too

 **tiktokstar**  
hey guys i sensed that my name was mentioned  
and i have an announcement to make

 **chanpire**  
okay

 **tiktokstar**  
since man can't judge me and i don't fear god, i have decided to start playing harmonica on public transportation

 **jisus**  
but why harmonica?  
i mean, it's harder to learn

 **tiktokstar**  
harder to learn than what?¿?

 **jisus**  
a kazoo for example  
that's a lot easier

 **aussieboo**  
yeah but,,, technically he doesn't need to know how to play the harmonica to play it on public transportation

 **maknae**  
oh yeah  
he could learn it while he's traveling

 **memeho**  
Multitask™

 **tiktokstar**  
we could form a band!  
i'll play harmonica, jisung the kazoo...  
what else?

 **aussieboo**  
i can play the accordion!

 **minnie**  
can you though

 **aussieboo**  
definitely not, but i'll learn as we go!

 **maknae**  
i'll just screech in the background  
beautiful, screaming adlibs

 **tiktokstar**  
great! but we need some type of beat  
i think minho hyung should beatbox

 **binblack**  
he can't beatbox though..?

 **tiktokstar**  
i know, and that's his charming point

 **memeho**  
my charming point is my inability to do the one thing i was put in the band to do?

 **tiktokstar**  
exactly!

 **memeho**  
lol okay, that's valid i guess  
so who's our manager?

 **tiktokstar**  
maybe... changbin hyung?

 **maknae**  
but he's not responsible

 **memeho**  
lemme guess  
that's HIS charming point

 **tiktokstar**  
you are correct! :D

 **chanpire**  
apparently felix thinks it's very charming when people can't do what they say they can do

 **tiktokstar**  
that's very true  
now, an important question  
what do we name our band???

 **jisus**  
the circus

 **memeho**  
oh that would make sense  
considering that most of us are clowns

 **binblack**  
wait do you remember that time chan hyung called us stray kids??

 **minnie**  
yeah why?

 **aussieboo**  
oh! i think i know what he's getting at!  
we should name our band stray clowns!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
oh yes!!!

 **jisus**  
great suggestion!

 **memeho**  
i vote for stray clowns

 **binblack**  
that is NOT what i meant  
ugh  
why do i still associate with you guys...

 **tiktokstar**  
because you love us?

 **binblack**  
yeah  
i guess

 **chanpire**  
hey guys has anyone watered patricia today?

 **tiktokstar**  
pATRICIA...!!!

 **jisus**  
omg  
i read that in the voice of that man from the vine

 **memeho**  
i think it's impossible not to

 **minnie**  
omg it's been a while since we payed attention to her  
you guys are horrible parents

 **tiktokstar**  
excuse u, i thought you were co-parenting her with us!

 **minnie**  
i am!  
i never said i was any better!

 **memeho**  
i feel like the only reason chan hyung mentioned patricia was to stop us from forming a band

 **chanpire**  
i mean,,, that's up for interpretation, though i won't deny your statement

 **tiktokstar**  
fancy way of saying he's absolutely correct, but okay

 **chanpire**  
in my defense, my plan worked

 **tiktokstar**  
so about our band.. :)

 **chanpire**  
felix  
no

 **tiktokstar**  
we don't have a lead singer yet  
i think we could use chan hyung :)

 **chanpire**  
i want Nothing to do with this

 **jisus**  
:(

 **chanpire**  
You Have been Stopped

 **tiktokstar**  
wait wait wait  
since when has chan hyung been making vine references?

 **binblack**  
he's been saying You Have been Stopped for so fucking long, how have you not noticed that?

 **memeho**  
hahahah so are we making a band or not

 **chanpire**  
i think you can be an all instrumental band, you don't need any vocalists  
i mean, you've got minho on beatboxing, hyunjin with the accordion,,,  
it'll be fine without any singing

 **tiktokstar**  
but jeonginnnie is doing adlibs

 **maknae**  
i can do that even without a lead melody! i'll just scream however i want to!

 **aussieboo**  
oh yeah okay, that works too

 **jisus**  
but doesn't that made him the lead vocalist?

 **memeho**  
more like the ONLY vocalist

 **tiktokstar**  
okay then, it's a plan!  
let's meet in the living room and start practicing!

 **chanpire**  
i'm moving out

 **minnie**  
okay, bye hyung!

 **maknae**  
bye chan hyung!

 **chanpire**  
actually-  
i wanna play a sub contrabass saxophone in your band

 **aussieboo**  
wait wait what even is that??

 **jisus**  
omg hyung

 **binblack**  
ahhahaha!!

 **memeho**  
what's that

 **tiktokstar**  
omg i just googled it  
hyung yesss!  
you're officially in our band now!

 **chanpire**  
yay

 **minnie**  
it's basically like a huuuge saxophone  
he wouldn't be able to play it even if we had one  
he's too small

 **chanpire**  
:/

 **binblack**  
stop crushing people's dreams!  
it's not like any of you will ever be able to play any of the instruments you chose for this

 **jisus**  
uh?  
i'm like, right here?

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah me too??  
the harmonica isn't even that hard to play

 **jisus**  
exactly!  
and you barely need to play a kazoo

 **binblack**  
Good For You

 **maknae**  
okay guys let's meet in the living room then! ^.^

 **chanpire**  
sure innie, we're coming!

 **maknae**  
great :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next part:
> 
>  **memeho**  
>  i have thought and reflected and considered for a long time, and came to the conclusion that people born after 2000 are not real


	26. not real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minho comes to a conclusion and starts a discussion, but all the braincells are gone. there's also an attempted murder

**group chat: stray cats (8)**

4:53 pm

**memeho**  
i have thought and reflected and considered for a long time, and came to the conclusion that people born after 2000 are not real

 **aussieboo**  
what about those of us born in 2000???

 **memeho**  
jury's still out on that one

 **maknae**  
actually... you might be right hyung

 **binblack**  
i'm surprised that the one person in this group born after 2000 is saying that

 **maknae**  
well, i mean, maybe i'm not real  
it would make so much sense

 **jisus**  
ooh  
i'm not real either!

 **tiktokstar**  
but wait what  
i'm real!  
and i'm younger than jisung  
how does that work???

 **memeho**  
i don't think it does  
sorry to tell you, but you're not real lixie

 **aussieboo**  
what about me though  
i was born before both of them  
am i real???

 **memeho**  
idk

 **aussieboo**  
omg my life is a lie

 **binblack**  
...he never said you weren't real hyunjin

 **aussieboo**  
no i think he did  
idk = I Don't Kthinkso

 **jisus**  
but there's no K in think  
wait...  
thinK  
oh...  
there is a K

 **binblack**  
yes there is  
are you completely sure none of you were dropped on your heads when you were kids??

 **aussieboo**  
no,,,  
but i ate a bath bomb once!

 **jisus**  
one of the best forbidden snacks  
if given the chance, i would also eat a bath bomb  
child hyunjin had some good ideas

 **tiktokstar**  
i mean... what's stopping you?

 **jisus**  
actually,,, you have a point

 **chanpire**  
is this seriously how my day is going to go  
will i have to stop jisung from consuming a bath bomb  
again?

 **memeho**  
hyung, you have a choice to make here  
you shouldn't let these dumbasses dictate your life

 **binblack**  
are you saying he should let jisung eat a bath bomb?

 **memeho**  
yeah i am

 **chanpire**  
you & seungmin love to watch chaos go down, and for that reason i've stopped listening to your suggestions

 **aussieboo**  
what about the rest of us?  
do you listen to our suggestions?

 **chanpire**  
absolutely not

 **tiktokstar**  
why? :(

 **chanpire**  
i feel like that's pretty self-explanatory  
i mean, your last suggestion was that jisung should eat a bath bomb

 **jisus**  
that wasn't my suggestion though

 **chanpire**  
yes it was? you said you would eat a bath bomb if given the chance

 **jisus**  
that wasn't a suggestion, it was a promise :)

 **chanpire**  
Jisung no.

 **jisus**  
jisung yes!

 **memeho**  
jisung yes!

 **tiktokstar**  
jisung yes!

 **aussieboo**  
jisung yes!

 **chanpire**  
...  
ok, is there anyone else i'm gonna have to take to the hospital today?

 **tiktokstar**  
idk, i think seungmin was trying to convince innie that the hairdryer works better in the bathtub

 **chanpire**  
wHAT THE FUCK  
AND YOU DIDN'T STOP HIM??¿?

 **tiktokstar**  
...no?

 **memeho**  
don't worry i stopped them  
can't have these idiots dying in the same place as i live, that'd be suspicious

 **chanpire**  
i was about to thank you for being nice, but then you said that and now i don't know how to respond

 **maknae**  
gAYS THERE WAS AN ATTEMPTED MURDER!!!

 **minnie**  
no there wasn't!  
murder is when i purposely and directly inflict death upon you!  
this was merely an active attempt at improving your life!

 **maknae**  
IMPROVE????  
I WOULD BE DEAD!!!!

 **minnie**  
yeah, so? i don't see your point  
that would be a great improvement

 **jisus**  
i've tried and i can confidently say that being dead is not an improvement :/

 **memeho**  
you've tried dying????

 **jisus**  
yeah?? but so have you

 **memeho**  
oh yeah right  
lmao, i forgot about vampires for a sex  
*a sEC

 **chanpire**  
...oh my god, this is a mess

 **binblack**  
wait  
didn't this conversation start with minho hyung saying that 2000 people aren't real?

 **memeho**  
it did

 **binblack**  
then how did we end up here?

 **tiktokstar**  
wHERE DID I GO WRONG

 **jisus**  
I LOST A FRIEND

 **aussieboo**  
SOMEWHERE ALONG IN THE BITTERNESS

 **minnie**  
aww no you beat me to it!

 **memeho**  
i stand by what i said earlier  
these people aren't real  
there's simply no way

 **chanpire**  
you know, for once i actually agree with you...

 **memeho**  
tenksss :))


	27. nUdeS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin's nudes, rats, vine references & an existential crisis

**group chat: stop changing the chat name (8)**

9:21 pm

**aussieboo**  
jeongin come private chat i wanna show you something

 **maknae**  
if it's your nudes then i don't wanna see them

 **memeho**  
why tf would it be nudes?

 **maknae**  
ask hyunjin hyung

 **chanpire**  
...

 **binblack**  
...

 **aussieboo**  
it was an accident  
why the fuck would you bring that up?

 **jisus**  
hyunjin has nudes?¿?

 **aussieboo**  
oh, of course THAT's the part you all pay attention to! :/

 **chanpire**  
what else would we pay attention to??

 **binblack**  
yeah exactly

 **aussieboo**  
oh idk... maybe that i have something to show jeongin?

 **jisus**  
compared to the nudes, that's not very interesting

 **binblack**  
"interesting"

 **maknae**  
oh...  
now i know what hyunjin hyung wanted to show me  
i just watched the video he sent me

 **aussieboo**  
what are your thoughts on it?

 **maknae**  
when rosé yelled that she wanted everyone to dance as if it's their last, some took it a bit more serious than others  
looking at you, hyunjin hyung

 **jisus**  
omg please tell me you have a video you can share!

 **maknae**  
yeah i do!  
i also have a picture of a rat that i can share

 **chanpire**  
why... what...

 **jisus**  
ooh please send both!

 **maknae**  
can i just say that if i was a street rat, i would not be picky about what i was fed

 **minnie**  
what do you mean IF  
on every level except physical, you are a rat

 **maknae**  
rude, but Noted

 **chanpire**  
feLIX NO

 **tiktokstar**  
ohmygosh is that a vine reference

 **memeho**  
he has been summoned

 **minnie**  
crawling up from the deepest depths of hell  
all because of a vine reference :/

 **memeho**  
no offense but what even is this conversation

 **binblack**  
hyunjin sends a video of himself dancing to jeongin  
it somehow turns into a discussion about hyunjin's nudes, rats, and vine references

 **chanpire**  
okay but... is anyone surprised?

 **minnie**  
not really, no

 **memeho**  
we've gone through sexual, crackhead & wtf in less than five minutes  
isn't that our entire personalities in three words?

 **binblack**  
...what

 **memeho**  
sexual, crackhead & wtf?

 **aussieboo**  
what do you mean by wtf  
isn't that just crackhead?

 **tiktokstar**  
crackhead, but even more random and weird

 **jisus**  
weird to the extent that not even crack can explain this weirdness

 **chanpire**  
are we completely sure that no one here is on drugs?

 **memeho**  
bold of you to assume we need drugs to be weird

 **minnie**  
ah, a very valid point

 **tiktokstar**  
cause later when i become addicted to life  
wait  
if we're dead, can we really be alive??

 **memeho**  
...i think you just answered your own question there

 **binblack**  
yeah  
i mean, the definition of being alive excludes the possibility of you being dead

 **maknae**  
if you're dead, you're not alive  
if you're alive, you're not dead

 **tiktokstar**  
but do you have a life if you're dead?

 **chanpire**  
am i the only one who's confused?

 **binblack**  
nope

 **memeho**  
ooh i think i know what you're getting at!  
Vampires are dead but also alive  
yeah i see your point

 **tiktokstar**  
exactly!

 **minnie**  
but vampires aren't alive, because they're dead

 **jisus**  
vampires still have lives

 **maknae**  
do they though?

 **tiktokstar**  
that was my question  
do vampires have lives?

 **jisus**  
wait  
what if this is all a fever dream  
a hallucination  
an illusion

 **binblack**  
...what

 **jisus**  
maybe we actually died when we died

 **binblack**  
please read that sentence again  
"maybe we died when we died"  
OF COURSE you did

 **jisus**  
no i meant like, maybe we're dead right now  
there's no way for me to know that this is real

 **tiktokstar**  
thank you jisung for understanding my struggle!

 **memeho**  
but that would mean the last 52 years of my life have been fake

 **chanpire**  
guys, no.  
this is not it

 **tiktokstar**  
mY LifE Is a LiE...!!!

 **jisus**  
we've been dead ever since we were "turned" into "vampires"  
this isn't actually real  
it's the afterlife or something

 **tiktokstar**  
oh no  
incoming Existential Crisis..!

 **minnie**  
lix don't listen to him, he's literally lying

 **binblack**  
personally i feel like he genuinely believes what he's saying

 **jisus**  
it would make sense, wouldn't it?

 **chanpire**  
okay  
even hyunjin's nudes was a better topic of conversation than this  
my brain can't keep up anymore

 **maknae**  
is this my cue to change the topic?

 **binblack**  
sure innie  
it's not like it hasn't been changed a million times already

 **maknae**  
great!  
so i'm gonna drop out of college and become a professional hyunjin photographer!

 **binblack**  
what do you mean?

 **maknae**  
it means i take pictures of hyunjin all day, every day, professionally

 **tiktokstar**  
nudes?

 **maknae**  
noo!!!!

 **aussieboo**  
why not? :(

 **binblack**  
okay i think i'm gonna leave now

 **minnie**  
yeah same  
good luck with your nudes or whatever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay look, they've been changing the chat name every single chapter since this fic started and i'm running out of names  
> but will i stop changing the chat name? absolutely not


	28. caramelldansen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they sing a song, and then they go to mcdonalds :)

**group chat: baby photo (8)**

9:29 pm

**jisus**  
aRE YOU REAAADY????

 **chanpire**  
i have no idea what you're talking about but my answer is, without a doubt, no.  
i am not ready

 **jisus**  
gör som vi... till denna melodi!

 **chanpire**  
wait what the fuck  
i don't think i know that language

 **aussieboo**  
dansa med oss, klappa era händer!

 **tiktokstar**  
gör som vi gör, ta några steg åt vänster

 **memeho**  
lyssna och lär, missa inte chansen

 **jisus**  
nu är vi här med caramelldansen!

 **chanpire**  
the one word i recognized from that sentence was caramelldansen

 **binblack**  
oh oh oa oa x4

 **maknae**  
..så kom och dansa med oss, klappa era händer!

 **minnie**  
gör som vi gör, ta några steg åt vänster

 **aussieboo**  
lyssna och lär, missa inte chansen

 **binblack**  
nu är vi här med caramelldansen!

 **chanpire**  
i just went to google translate and apparently that means "now we're here with the caramel dance"  
my response to that?  
no thank you  
put that back where it came from

 **jisus**  
caramelldansen is the song that will save the world  
that and minecraft and the comment section on youtube rewind

 **tiktokstar**  
oof that's true

 **chanpire**  
sometimes i wonder what goes on inside your heads

 **jisus**  
but hyung!  
the good part about us is that you never have to wonder, because we always say what we're thinking

 **chanpire**  
yeah, i think you do  
even when we don't want to know, you tell us exactly what they're thinking

 **memeho**  
it's interesting though

 **aussieboo**  
does anyone know if caramelldansen has ads when you watch it on youtube?

 **tiktokstar**  
i don't think so

 **aussieboo**  
ok thanks!

 **minnie**  
no offense but what does it matter if there are ads or not?

 **aussieboo**  
look, i really appreciate that youtube gives me time to mentally prepare myself for ads, but at the same time i'm so busy mentally preparing for the ad that i forget to pay attention to the actual video  
ya feel?

 **tiktokstar**  
omg same

 **binblack**  
no, i can't say that i relate

 **maknae**  
does anyone wanna dance caramelldansen with me in the kitchen? :D

 **chanpire**  
NO!  
don't do that  
my sanity could not take it

 **memeho**  
why do you hate caramelldansen with such a burning passion

 **binblack**  
yeah hyung  
why do always have to hate on our interests?

 **chanpire**  
i literally don't...?  
i fully support your actual interests  
caramelldansen, however, does not count as one of your interests  
it is nothing but an annoyance

 **maknae**  
:(

 **minnie**  
look, you made innie sad!

 **maknae**  
i guess i'll just have to drink my sorrows away tonight again

 **binblack**  
for everyone's information, he's drinking a milkshake

 **chanpire**  
sorry innie  
i'll buy you a milkshake

 **maknae**  
suddenly i'm not sad anymore! :D

 **binblack**  
cute

 **maknae**  
stfu

 **binblack**  
...

 **maknae**  
sorry hyung  
i dunno how to take compliments

 **minnie**  
lmao

 **chanpire**  
does anyone else wanna go get milkshakes?

 **memeho**  
it's almost 10 pm

 **chanpire**  
so?  
mcdonalds is still open

 **memeho**  
...ok nvm

 **tiktokstar**  
i want!  
jisung wants too!  
and hyunjin!  
they're busy so they asked me to write for them in the chat

 **binblack**  
busy with what?

 **tiktokstar**  
cuddling me

 **memeho**  
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ;)

 **tiktokstar**  
"why the yard" -hyunjin  
"why not the bedroom" -jisung

 **chanpire**  
tell them thanks for their contribution  
also, no.  
minho do you want a milkshake or not?

 **memeho**  
yeah sure  
i'll bring changbin

 **binblack**  
how do you know i wanna join?

 **memeho**  
do you wanna?

 **binblack**  
yeah sure

 **chanpire**  
great  
wbu seungmin?

 **minnie**  
i don't support these decisions, but sure  
might as well

 **maknae**  
ooh it's a date!

 **tiktokstar**  
yay!

 **chanpire**  
fantastic!  
let's get ready and then meet in the living room

 **maknae**  
okay ^.^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i may or may not have written a skz secret agent au (currently at 15k words… oops?) that i may or may not post in the near future.  
> the first line is _“you know fifty different ways to kill someone with a butter knife, but don’t know how to crack an egg?” chan asks, voice laced with disbelief._ and that's pretty much the vibe of the whole story :)  
> ok no, it gets angsty and there's plot, but it's not as dark as you'd expect from a spies/secret agents au
> 
> ALSO i didn't look up the lyrics for caramelldansen so if i misheard, then... don't bother telling me lol i don't care enough to fix it


	29. tiktokery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> too many vine references, tiktok teaches felix how to eat eggs, and a petition is started

**group chat: yee haw kids (8)**

1:39 pm

**jisus**  
will you be the yee to my haw?

 **aussieboo**  
yeet

 **jisus**  
yay thanks hyunjin （＾ω＾）

 **tiktokstar**  
the yeet to my empty bitch  
the "bitch" to my "try me"  
the elbow to my i don't care  
the lipstick to my white valentino bag  
the hurricane katrina to my hurricane tortilla

 **chanpire**  
tOO MANY VINE REFERENCES  
[brain cannot compute]

 **binblack**  
oh shit his superpowers are going haywire

 **memeho**  
you mean his "lix is about to make a vine reference" powers?

 **minnie**  
speaking of felix  
can someone tell him to stop using straws?

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah yeah i know  
it's bad for the environment

 **minnie**  
that too, but...

 **chanpire**  
what?

 **minnie**  
it's just a strange way to eat eggs

 **binblack**  
he eats eggs... with a straw???

 **jisus**  
yes he does, and i blame tiktok

 **tiktokstar**  
it's actually a very effective way to consume the yolk

 **memeho**  
"consume the yolk"

 **aussieboo**  
who are you and what have you done to felix???  
the felix i know would have said "eat the yellow"!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
lmaooo  
i guess i'm felixé then  
also  
why are you accusing me of tiktokery???

 **jisus**  
tiktok is the kidz bop version of vine

 **chanpire**  
uhm, okay...?

 **binblack**  
how would you even eat eggs with straws??

 **tiktokstar**  
first, you cook them so that the white part is cooked but the yellow part is still floaty!

 **minnie**  
...there's a word for that

 **tiktokstar**  
well i don't know that word, so you'll have to use a few extra braincells to understand my explanations! :D  
anyway  
then you can suck the yellow part with a straw

 **jisus**  
there's a tiktok where someone does it

 **maknae**  
i haven't seen more than the one jisung hyung showed me, but i'm pretty sure there is more than one tiktok of that

 **memeho**  
yeah  
isn't the whole point of that app to copy other people?

 **tiktokstar**  
tiktok does not deserve this disrespect :/

 **binblack**  
seeing felix talk about tiktok when his name is tiktokstar is slightly confusing

 **minnie**  
yeah same  
let's start a petition for felix to change his name!

 **maknae**  
signed!

 **aussieboo**  
signed!

 **jisus**  
sorry lix, but  
signed!

 **tiktokstar**  
wait wait stop signing it

 **aussieboo**  
get the ink, get the pen~~

 **tiktokstar**  
you've convinced me, i'm gonna change  
but i need new name suggestions!

 **jisus**  
clown

 **memeho**  
maybe you should be clown, jisung

 **jisus**  
no, cause my name is really good right now!  
channie hyung could match with me  
you know, CHRISt

 **chanpire**  
but i like my name

 **jisus**  
suit yourself then! :)

 **tiktokstar**  
what if we changed our names to karen & linda?

 **minnie**  
please don't, i would be so confused  
i don't even remember who was who

 **tiktokstar**  
i'm karen!

 **jisus**  
i'm linda!

 **maknae**  
and you're watching disney channel

 **aussieboo**  
lmao

 **tiktokstar**  
thanks for that addition, innie  
but seriously  
what should my name be  
gUys HeLp...!

 **jisus**  
i'm the only one who already gave a suggestion!  
everyone else needs to step up!

 **tiktokstar**  
thanks ji, i appreciate you!

 **minnie**  
set your name to patricia's father

 **tiktokstar**  
OH!  
speaking of patricia...  
we were actually thinking about adopting another child!

 **jisus**  
oh that's right!  
now that patricia is getting a little older, i think she would like a sibling

 **binblack**  
are you telling me patricia is still alive?

 **tiktokstar**  
uh,,, yes?  
hyung, she's literally the highlight of our living room  
don't disrespect her like this!

 **binblack**  
could you handle another child

 **tiktokstar**  
i don't like the tone you're using with me right now sir :/

 **chanpire**  
...this is a text conversation

 **tiktokstar**  
then why can i hear the annoyance in your voice?  
ever thought about that?

 **chanpire**  
...Big Sigh

 **jisus**  
comeback season!!  
oH  
chan hyung should change his name to Big Sigh!

 **chanpire**  
NO

 **tiktokstar**  
can we please go back to discussing our potential adoption

 **minnie**  
i thought we were discussing tiktok

 **maknae**  
i thought we were talking about eggs

 **memeho**  
i thought we were talking about new names

 **binblack**  
...this conversation is a trainwreck  
(not that i'm surprised)

 **chanpire**  
okay, let's settle everything at once:  
felix, let your name stay the same and change it some other time

 **tiktokstar**  
okay sure

 **chanpire**  
stop eating eggs with straws, and don't do things you see on tiktok

 **memeho**  
no offense but i don't think that's gonna stop them

 **jisus**  
ha!  
that sign can't stop me because i can't read!

 **binblack**  
then how are you still texting us?

 **jisus**  
hyung it's a meme, i'm not actually illiterate

 **binblack**  
huh  
could've fooled me

 **jisus**  
rUDE...!

 **maknae**  
stop fighting! stop fighting!

 **binblack**  
hahhah okay

 **tiktokstar**  
does anyone wanna renegade with me? :D

 **maknae**  
yes hyung! please teach me!

 **tiktokstar**  
of course young sir, i shall teach you everything i know!

 **chanpire**  
hahah please don't

 **tiktokstar**  
oh yes  
e v e r y t h i n g…

 **memeho**  
well, that'll be pretty quick then

 **tiktokstar**  
hEY...! rude!  
i know lots of things!

 **memeho**  
yeah i know you do  
but how many of those things are vines, memes, and tiktok dances?

 **tiktokstar**  
no comment

 **minnie**  
that in itself is a comment, though

 **tiktokstar**  
k let's not get technical here!  
i have more important things to do  
bye bitches

 **maknae**  
renegade!

 **jisus**  
renegade!

 **aussieboo**  
renegade!

 **binblack**  
lemme just come for chan hyung's branding for a quick moment, because:  
Big Sigh

 **chanpire**  
ffs,,, i wanna rebrand

 **memeho**  
you literally just stopped felix from changing his screen name  
sorry but you don't have the privilege

 **chanpire**  
ugh, Big Sigh :/

 **minnie**  
you could't handle a rebrand, chan hyung  
it's too ingrained into your personality at this point

 **chanpire**  
what, the sigh?

 **minnie**  
yes

 **chanpire**  
well, fuck chan lives i guess :/

 **memeho**  
yES PLEASE

 **chanpire**  
…

 **minnie**  
omg, please not in the main gc  
keep your fucks out of here

 **binblack**  
i often question…  
well, everything about you guys  
right now i'm questioning myself though  
why am i still here?

 **minnie**  
you're too emotionally attached to get out

 **binblack**  
so are you!

 **minnie**  
yeah, sadly :/

 **jisus**  
don't pretend, you love us!

 **minnie**  
yeah, sadly :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "tiktok is the kidz bop version of vine" is something i've actually said out loud before. idk why, but i have


	30. bedtime stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minho makes a mistake, the braincells are bouncing around, and chan tries to commit a murder

**group chat: strey keds (8)**

11:02 pm

**chanpire**  
LEE MINHO

 **memeho**  
oh no

 **aussieboo**  
lmao  
i think i know what this is about

 **minnie**  
i think we ALL know what this is about

 **tiktokstar**  
true

 **binblack**  
wait what  
did i miss something?

 **jisus**  
lmao

 **maknae**  
yeah changbin hyung, you definitely did

 **chanpire**  
LEE MINHO, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW

 **memeho**  
but hyung  
i didn't go anywhere

 **chanpire**  
YES??? WHY ARE YOU HIDING IN THE CUPBOARD IN THE KITCHEN

 **memeho**  
wdym? this is where i live  
this is where i've always been

 **chanpire**  
COME OUT AND FACE ME

 **memeho**  
no!  
you're mad at me and i don't like it!

 **minnie**  
hiding in the cupboard is not an appropriate way to deal with conflict

 **memeho**  
what would you know?

 **minnie**  
clearly more than you do :/

 **binblack**  
if he's mad at you, you must've done something  
you should deal with whatever it is

 **memeho**  
but i don't wanna :(

 **binblack**  
what did you even do to make him mad at you

 **jisus**  
lmao that was so fun

 **chanpire**  
jisung.

 **jisus**  
i mean... your punctuation scares me, but i'm not gonna take it back  
it WAS fun!

 **binblack**  
can someone please tell me what minho hyung did?  
i'm feeling a little out of the loop

 **aussieboo**  
he said he was gonna read us a bedtime story  
so me, jisung, felix, seungmin, jeongin & minho sat down on the couch  
and then he read us a story

 **chanpire**  
no no no  
he read you a freaking fanfic!  
about sex!!!

 **minnie**  
it was,,, intense

 **binblack**  
...what

 **memeho**  
ok so i may or may not have read them some smut, but what about it!  
i did nothing wrong!!

 **jisus**  
hyung  
we are CHILDREN  
you have traumatized us! D:

 **chanpire**  
exactly!

 **memeho**  
bitch, you're all legal

 **chanpire**  
don't swear in front of the young ones!  
you're gonna teach them bad things!

 **maknae**  
can i swear???

 **chanpire**  
NO

 **binblack**  
you're a child!

 **maknae**  
i'm gonna do it!!!  
here i go!!!  
omg i'm nervous...

 **binblack**  
don't swear!

 **maknae**  
f

 **memeho**  
can i just say, i'm also nervous

 **maknae**  
fu

 **minnie**  
this is a text conversation  
i don't understand how you can be stuttering

 **aussieboo**  
yeah, it's better to just get it over with

 **maknae**  
FUCKING HELL YOU BITCHASS DICK

 **aussieboo**  
...

 **minnie**  
...

 **jisus**  
well,,, that was a wild ride

 **binblack**  
last time jeongin swore, chan hyung went into rage mode  
that was a terrifying time

 **minnie**  
what is even going on anymore

 **chanpire**  
jeongin... the pure child... tainted...  
but for real though  
i give up

 **binblack**  
oh?

 **memeho**  
oh?

 **tiktokstar**  
oh?

 **aussieboo**  
oh?

 **jisus**  
oh?

 **maknae**  
yay!

 **chanpire**  
clearly, my influence is doing nothing to stop you from all the chaotic ideas you get on the daily  
fELIX NO!

 **tiktokstar**  
i can't believe you've done this..  
ha!  
couldn't stop me this time hyung!

 **jisus**  
here's yet another example of why we can never take chan hyung seriously  
he says he's gonna stop trying to stop us, but then he tries to stop lix from making a vine reference

 **binblack**  
...that sentence hurt my brain to read

 **memeho**  
no, that's just because you're stupid

 **tiktokstar**  
why should his stupidity invalidate the pain he gets from trying to read that sentence?  
that doesn't make sense

 **memeho**  
nothing here makes sense  
can we all please just stop talking?

 **minnie**  
never!

 **maknae**  
i thought we were going to sleep  
i mean, minho hyung literally introduced his storytime by calling it a bedtime story

 **aussieboo**  
yeah, that implies we would be going to bed after

 **jisus**  
which we didn't

 **aussieboo**  
exactly!  
why aren't we in bed?

 **memeho**  
i don't see what's stopping you

 **tiktokstar**  
the fear of missing out on whatever may happen in this group chat once we're gone...

 **jisus**  
bro... that was deep

 **tiktokstar**  
bro... i know, right?

 **minnie**  
i seriously don't know what's going on here  
just go to bed?  
if you all go to bed, there won't be anyone talking in the gc

 **aussieboo**  
oh that's true!

 **maknae**  
seungmin hyung back at it again with the braincells!

 **chanpire**  
are you saying you need braincells for that conclusion? because i thought it was pretty obvious  
if everyone is asleep, no one can be on their phone texting

 **memeho**  
unless you text in your sleep

 **chanpire**  
i'm still gonna kill you minho. don't think i've forgotten.

 **memeho**  
oops, lmao

 **binblack**  
it doesn't seem like minho hyung cares much

 **memeho**  
i'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me

 **chanpire**  
that's it!  
i'm gonna capture every single one of you and force you to bed

 **tiktokstar**  
but it's only 11 pm??

 **minnie**  
..."only"

 **chanpire**  
tough luck!  
time isn't real and you're all tired!  
it's Time for You All to Stop!

 **memeho**  
hahahah can i sleep in the cupboard?

 **chanpire**  
no

 **maknae**  
can I sleep in the cupboard?

 **chanpire**  
uhh, no.

 **jisus**  
can I sleep in the cupboard? :D

 **chanpire**  
no!  
no one will be sleeping in the cupboard!  
why is this even a discussion we're having?

 **tiktokstar**  
we could ALL sleep in the cupboards! :D

 **binblack**  
hahah  
i can FEEL chan hyung's pain

 **chanpire**  
yeah...  
let's go to bed, everyone.

 **binblack**  
i think i just heard someone scream

 **tiktokstar**  
oh no that was just the wind

 **binblack**  
it really didn't sound like wind though

 **tiktokstar**  
i mean... sound is made from waves in the air  
technically, every sound is just the wind  
therefore my scream was just the wind, pushed out with the help of my vocal chords

 **chanpire**  
that's deep, mate...

 **tiktokstar**  
i know!

 **minnie**  
okay but that's bullshit  
he's literally lying so hard rn

 **memeho**  
why is felix having 2 am thoughts at 11 pm?

 **chanpire**  
because he's TIRED  
we're ALL tired  
which is why we're going to bed!

 **jisus**  
but wait  
why did felix scream?

 **aussieboo**  
ahahhaha i got it on video  
he saw my reflection in the window and thought there was someone watching him from the outside

 **chanpire**  
hilarious  
how about bedtime now?

 **maknae**  
i'm already in bed hyung!

 **jisus**  
me too!

 **aussieboo**  
me & felix are getting in right now!

 **minnie**  
yeah same

 **binblack**  
is minho hyung still in the cupboard?

 **memeho**  
bold of you to assume i'm ever coming out of here

 **chanpire**  
wait  
where is everyone?  
hyunjin & seungmin said they were in bed, but their beds are empty

 **aussieboo**  
oh yeah, that's right...

 **chanpire**  
where did you go??

 **tiktokstar**  
we pushed jisung's and jeongin's beds together and everyone is sleeping together in their room!  
binnie hyung is here now, too!!

 **chanpire**  
oh okay

 **jisus**  
hyung, come join us!

 **maknae**  
and that invitation includes minho hyung!

 **jisus**  
yeah, we promise we won't let chan hyung murder you tonight!

 **maknae**  
we can't promise what happens in the morning, but you'll be safe for the night!

 **memeho**  
sure, i'm coming

 **chanpire**  
okay  
i won't kill anyone this time, i guess...  
let's just go to bed


	31. powerpuff girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3racha powerpuff girls agenda, jisung is the funniest ever, and some song quoting :)

**group chat: roaming youngsters (8)**

1:48 pm

**aussieboo**  
hey hey hey!

 **minnie**  
what

 **maknae**  
i read that like in the intro to icy!

 **aussieboo**  
oh cool me too!  
but anyway  
3racha are just the powerpuff girls

 **minnie**  
...is that what you came here to say?

 **aussieboo**  
yup!

 **minnie**  
ok

 **jisus**  
i'm bubbles!!!

 **aussieboo**  
yes u definitely are  
and changbin hyung is the green one

 **tiktokstar**  
she has a name!!!

 **aussieboo**  
sorry but idk her name :((  
what is it?

 **tiktokstar**  
actually,,, i don't know either  
seungmin?

 **minnie**  
why would i know?

 **aussieboo**  
why wouldn't you??  
anyway  
chan hyung is blossom!

 **minnie**  
ok the green one is called buttercup

 **tiktokstar**  
ha! i knew that you knew it!

 **binsual**  
what even is this conversation?  
no, we're not the powerpuff girls

 **aussieboo**  
think about it!  
all of your personalities match with the powerpuffs!

 **minnie**  
are you aware that buttercup has a scary beast mode

 **tiktokstar**  
so does binnie hyung when he's angry

 **chanpire**  
oh no, what is this?  
hyunjin are you trying to be funny

 **aussieboo**  
no!  
i'm trying to argue for why you are the powerpuff girls!

 **memeho**  
honestly, why do people even try to be funny anymore, when nothing will ever be funnier than that one pic of jisung sitting in an empty bathtub with sunglasses and a bucket hat on, sipping gatorade from a mayonnaise bottle

 **binblack**  
w h a t

 **minnie**  
i thought that was just a dream?

 **tiktokstar**  
no it really did happen! i have pictures and videos from it on my phone

 **jisus**  
yeah, and i have the memory of it imprinted into my brain for the rest of eternity  
it's a heavy burden to bear

 **maknae**  
what does that have to do with the powerpuff girls?

 **jisus**  
you're right! it has nothing with the powerpuffs to do!  
besides, it was a long time ago  
can we please forget it already

 **aussieboo**  
...jisung, it was yesterday

 **jisus**  
yes, which means i have 0,014% more life experience now  
you can't blame me for that  
yesterday, i was only 99,986% of the person i am today

 **binsual**  
how much do you wanna bet he just made up a random number?

 **jisus**  
i didn't!!  
i mathed :)

 **minnie**  
...mathed?  
you mean you did math?

 **jisus**  
exactly!  
i mean, i used a calculator, but the numbers are pretty accurate

 **tiktokstar**  
that makes no sense  
how do you measure a life?

 **jisus**  
in daylights?

 **memeho**  
in sunsets?

 **minnie**  
in midnights?

 **aussieboo**  
in cups of coffee?

 **maknae**  
in inches?

 **binsual**  
in miles?

 **jisus**  
in laughter?

 **chanpire**  
in strife?

 **tiktokstar**  
omg, i can't believe everyone here has t a s t e!

 **minnie**  
ngl, i didn't learn that song from rent  
i learned it from glee

 **aussieboo**  
yea same

 **maknae**  
...i didn't even know it was from rent

 **tiktokstar**  
cool, soo did i ever get an answer?  
how many days is one percent of your life

 **jisus**  
there's a hundred and four days of summer vacation...

 **aussieboo**  
til school comes around just to end it

 **minnie**  
so the annual problem for our generation

 **maknae**  
is finding a good way to spend it!

 **jisus**  
like maybe... building a rocket, or fighting a mummy

 **chanpire**  
or climbing up the eiffel tower

 **binsual**  
discovering something that doesn't exist

 **memeho**  
or giving a monkey a shower

 **tiktokstar**  
a b s o l u t e l y h i l a r i o us  
i love phineas and ferb <3  
but am i not getting an answer to my question  
how do you calculate it?

 **jisus**  
two plus two is four

 **aussieboo**  
minus one, that's three

 **maknae**  
QUICK MATHS!

 **memeho**  
everyday man's on the block, smoke trees

 **binsual**  
see your girl in the park, that girl is a uckers

 **minnie**  
when the thing went quack-quack-quack

 **chanpire**  
something something cornflakes

 **jisus**  
...ok, that's close enough ig  
it was a nice try chan hyung

 **tiktokstar**  
sigh  
sometimes it's hard being the only normal one

 **binblack**  
??? you're not though

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah i know that's why it's hard

 **jisus**  
it's a hard-knock life for us... :)

 **memeho**  
instead of treated,

 **binsual**  
we get tricked!

 **minnie**  
instead of kisses, we get kicked

 **chanpire**  
it's the hard knock life

 **tiktokstar**  
...is this the song association game, or what?  
i just can't escape this  
i should leave

 **minnie**  
i'll go wherever i wanna go!

 **chanpire**  
dokodokodokodokodoko

 **maknae**  
do do do do do

 **memeho**  
DO DO DO DO DO

 **aussieboo**  
DOO DOO DOO DOO

 **tiktokstar**  
???

 **jisus**  
lmao, he has NO idea!

 **binsual**  
makmakhaedo i will never stop

 **chanpire**  
nice

 **tiktokstar**  
ok, that's it for today i think  
thanks for coming to my ted talk

 **memeho**  
you barely said anything though?

 **tiktokstar**  
thanks for coming to my ted talk :)

 **aussieboo**  
lix, where was the ted talk??

 **tiktokstar**  
Thanks For Coming To My TED Talk :)

 **maknae**  
...ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WASN'T GONNA POST THIS UNTIL TOMORROW BUT DID U SEE OLI LONDON'S COMMENT ON JISUNG'S IG POST????
> 
> sorry but i feel mildly threatened by everything that man does... what goes on. please leave jisung and stray kids alone sir. to quote stray kids: bAck off! gEt ouTtA heRe...!  
> i'm pretty sure those lyrics were written for oli london specifically because back off. get outta here.
> 
> anyway i hope you liked the chapter :)


	32. we love youuuu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is jeongin's world and we're all just living in it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me a few days ago: wow i've been doing so well recently! it's weird how normal i feel even with everything going on!
> 
> me yesterday: Time To Learn How To Get To The Dark Web :)
> 
> dear fbi, i swear i'm not planning to do anything illegal, it was just a temporary slip in sanity. promise. i'm probably not even gonna go to the dark web!!! but in my defense it's not actually hard to get there

**group chat: betray kids (8)**

4:21 pm

**maknae**  
guys i have an announcement to make!  
i'm moving out

 **minnie**  
ok, good luk

 **tiktokstar**  
omg nooo whyyy????? TT

 **memeho**  
^^luk

 **jisus**  
innie, what's wrong???? ;-;

 **binsual**  
^^luk

 **aussieboo**  
INNIEEEEE 😭😭😭  
WHYYYY  
WE LOVE UUUUU  
DON'T GOOOOO

 **chanpire**  
innie, what happened?

 **maknae**  
i took a buzzfeed quiz about what kind of house fits your personality, and i got a cottage in the forest  
sorry to tell you but i'm moving out

 **chanpire**  
...so basically, you're saying that you're gonna let online quizzes dictate your life choices?

 **maknae**  
yup! :D  
next up is the quiz about what job i should have!  
depending on the result of this quiz, i may or may not start a revolution  
just a warning :)

 **memeho**  
leave your husband, kill your children

 **jisus**  
practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism

 **memeho**  
and most importantly: become a lesbian

 **chanpire**  
What the actual...?

 **memeho**  
don't worry chan hyung, we were just quoting a quote  
it was some dude named pat robertson who said it first, not us

 **tiktokstar**  
who even is pat robertson?

 **aussieboo**  
isn't that the guy who was in twilight?

 **minnie**  
no that's robert pattinson

 **memeho**  
pat robertson is some old conservatist dude, idk  
was born in 1930 or smth

 **jisus**  
he's sTILL ALIVE???

 **memeho**  
i think so

 **jisus**  
omg what if he reads or messages and sees that we're quoting him!!  
i honestly thought he was dead by now

 **memeho**  
we didn't use the full quote though  
besides, why would he ever read the private group chat of some random korean kids?

 **jisus**  
you're right, and i think the full quote is better  
"the feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. it is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians"

 **memeho**  
he's so fucking stupid for saying it, but i truly don't see the downside with any of that

 **tiktokstar**  
??? killing your children ???

 **memeho**  
yeah ok maybe that part isn't the best, but everything else

 **minnie**  
"maybe that part isn't the best"  
yeah no shit it isn't the best

 **aussieboo**  
what about the lesbian part?  
i might be wrong about this, but i'm pretty sure you are a gay man

 **memeho**  
exactly

 **maknae**  
hey guys i'm back now!  
exciting news, the quiz said i should be the vice president!

 **jisus**  
can you send me the link to the quiz, i wanna take it

 **aussieboo**  
omg me too!

 **tiktokstar**  
we should all base our life decisions on buzzfeed quizzes tbh

 **minnie**  
agreed

 **chanpire**  
...this is why i say that i don't listen to you guys' suggestions

 **maknae**  
here u go:  
https://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/what-career-should-you-have

 **memeho**  
i'm taking it too

 **binsual**  
is everyone taking it?  
i guess i'll do it as well then

 **aussieboo**  
same

 **chanpire**  
lowkey interested to see what i'll get  
i won't base my life on it though

 **maknae**  
thanks everyone! you're doing a good deed!

 **chanpire**  
???

 **maknae**  
just take the quiz hyung

 **chanpire**  
yeah sure

 **maknae**  
and now, i wait...  
kinda boring actually  
it's been a minute since i sent the link  
how long could it take

 **aussieboo**  
ffs innie stop spamming the chat, the notifs are in the way of the questions

 **maknae**  
i'm not sorry :/  
but ok, i guess i'll be quiet

 **minnie**  
i'm back now innie  
and i'm becoming a writer, apparently

 **maknae**  
oh wow hyung! that's a good job

 **aussieboo**  
good news guys, i'm gonna be a designer!  
i like this!

 **jisus**  
i got humanitarian?? wut

 **chanpire**  
jisung that actually suits you  
i also got writer, same as seungmin

 **maknae**  
i mean, you write songs so i guess it makes sense  
and hyunjin hyung as a designer also makes a lot of sense  
i have no idea what a humanitarian is so i can't comment on that one :/

 **jisus**  
personally i think chan hyung is more of a humanitarian than me

 **chanpire**  
and here we go again...  
we won't base our career choices on a buzzfeed quiz  
this quiz does not know us in real life  
ok???

 **maknae**  
but hyung!

 **chanpire**  
no :/  
is anyone else done taking the quiz?

 **tiktokstar**  
so you know how there was a question about what you would bring to a deserted island?  
i'm willing to bet my life that minho hyung chose the swiss army knife

 **memeho**  
you know me too well :)

 **maknae**  
you're back! :D  
what jobs did you get?

 **tiktokstar**  
i'm becoming an astronaut!!!

 **maknae**  
woah that's so cool!

 **memeho**  
wait  
i got the same as felix  
what does that mean

 **tiktokstar**  
it means we're colleagues now!!! :D

 **chanpire**  
...i'm not even gonna...  
so changbin , what did you get? :)

 **binblack**  
i think the quiz is rigged

 **chanpire**  
this quiz is rigged, wbk

 **binsual**  
anyway i got humanitarian, so i'm the same as jisung

 **jisus**  
oh no :O

 **binsual**  
whAT DO YOU MEAN "oh no"?????  
THAT'S RUDE

 **jisus**  
LET ME HAVE MY REACTIONS BITCH

 **binsual**  
THAT'S BITCH HYUNG TO YOU, SMALL ONE

 **jisus**  
lmao, "small one", says the actual small one

 **binsual**  
ffs, i am ONE CENTIMETER...!!!

 **jisus**  
yeah u are

 **binsual**  
SHORTER THAN YOU  
ONE CENTIMETER SHORTER THAN YOU  
BITCH

 **jisus**  
MORE LIKE 2 CENTIMETERS SHORTER, BITCH HYUNG!

 **minnie**  
yes, i see why you two would make such good humanitarians

 **binsual**  
WTF, YOU'RE TOO SMALL TO BE THIS RUDE

 **jisus**  
CHANGBITCH HYUNG!

 **binsual**  
YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!

 **aussieboo**  
but wait, can we just take a moment to think about the fact that jeongin actually got vice president?  
i can't be the only one who's scared by that idea

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah you're right... it would be giving him too much power

 **chanpire**  
well, what a good thing we aren't basing our career choices on a buzzfeed quiz then!

 **memeho**  
if assassin had been an option, i would have gotten that

 **minnie**  
wait x2  
can we also take a moment to think about the fact that minho hyung, who admitted to choosing the swiss army knife and says he'd be an assassin, got the same career as felix, a pure angel?

 **chanpire**  
i think that says more about minho than it does about felix, to be honest

 **tiktokstar**  
minho hyung is a pure angel, wbk

 **minnie**  
he has planned out exactly how he would murder at least four of us? how is he a pure angel??

 **maknae**  
he donates to charities, loves cats, looks after his dongsaengs, is secretly a soft boi

 **minnie**  
but... he also...

 **maknae**  
don't you agree? :(

 **minnie**  
yeah ok i guess you're right

 **binsual**  
so how would he murder all of us?

 **chanpire**  
that's a topic for another day  
let's not get into that right now

 **binsual**  
:(

 **memeho**  
don't worry, you'll know soon enough :)

 **binsual**  
well that's fucking ominous

 **jisus**  
hello, police? i'd like to report a future murder  
wait actually no  
he can die

 **binsual**  
ouch :(

 **jisus**  
jk, ily binnie hyung uwu <33

 **binsual**  
aww ily2 jiji, uwu <33

 **chanpire**  
well,,, i guess they made up?  
that's good?? at least one thing was accomplished here today

 **maknae**  
does anyone know how to apply for the position of vice president?

 **chanpire**  
...ok i'm officially resigning now

 **maknae**  
huh?

 **chanpire**  
nothing innie :) but no i don't know how, i'm sorry

 **maknae**  
it's okay, i'll figure it out :)  
bye guys, see you in court

 **binsual**  
huh?

 **maknae**  
when i sentence you all to death :)

 **memeho**  
that's not what a vice president does, but ok  
i guess now it is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, that's a real link. here it is again for anyone who wants to take the quiz: https://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/what-career-should-you-have
> 
> i took it and got humanitarian :p


	33. cute first date ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dates, creepypasta and stupidity. oh and jilix's parenthood is finally talked about again!

**group chat: strip kids (8)**

11:50 am

**maknae**  
cute first date ideas?

 **binblack**  
but... you're already dating us...

 **memeho**  
omg are you cheating or are you leaving us

 **tiktokstar**  
inNIE HOW COULD YOU 😭😭😭

 **aussieboo**  
you could've told us earlier 😭😭😭😭

 **maknae**  
you idiots  
the first date idea is not for me  
i'm helping a friend

 **jisus**  
ooh that makes more sense

 **maknae**  
yeah  
i know you're dumb but you're also pretty smart  
that's why i'm asking you for ideas

 **chanpire**  
you should absolutely not listen to these fools

 **memeho**  
hmm, i'm in a chaotic mood today  
might commit acts of stupidity

 **maknae**  
...so you're not gonna give me any ideas?

 **aussieboo**  
ohh i have plenty! are you sure you want them?

 **maknae**  
...not anymore

 **aussieboo**  
too bad, you're getting them anyway! :D

 **maknae**  
no please i don't want them anymore

 **aussieboo**  
nah, don't worry :)  
we're nice people (most of the time)

 **minnie**  
aquarium

 **binblack**  
rooftop picnic

 **memeho**  
cat cafe

 **tiktokstar**  
theme park

 **chanpire**  
i mean, it really depends on the person they're going out with  
they should pick something both of them would enjoy

 **maknae**  
oh wow  
i'm actually getting serious advice for once  
thanks guys!

 **aussieboo**  
go dumpster diving

 **maknae**  
...aaand we're officially back on our bullshit

 **jisus**  
hey wait  
do you remember the first date we ever went on?

 **chanpire**  
we've had a lot of first dates, you're gonna have to be a bit more specific

 **minnie**  
???  
a first date can only happen once though?

 **memeho**  
yeah but you know 3racha started dating before we even met them  
just like you and hyunjin were also dating

 **maknae**  
oh wow, there were a lot of relationships back then

 **chanpire**  
okay so which first date are you talking about sung?

 **jisus**  
the one where binnie hyung spilled soup over minho hyung's lap and lix had to go to the hospital!

 **aussieboo**  
wHAT??

 **minnie**  
oh, wow  
i'm almost glad i didn't know you guys at that point

 **maknae**  
why did lix hyung have to go to the hospital?

 **tiktokstar**  
i honestly don't remember

 **binblack**  
wait, isn't that the same time as when chan hyung accidentally ate garlic?

 **tiktokstar**  
oh yeah!  
so he had an allergic reaction, and i forgot my sun charm at home so my skin got burnt in the sun!

 **minnie**  
just vampire things™

 **tiktokstar**  
exactly! :p  
except not all vampires are allergic to garlic, but still

 **chanpire**  
at least allergies are better than almost setting yourself on fire  
or spilling soup in your date's lap

 **tiktokstar**  
we should recreate that date at some point

 **minnie**  
please don't

 **tiktokstar**  
sungie, i'm gonna spill soup in your lap :D

 **jisus**  
that's not very comrade of you!

 **chanpire**  
...what?

 **memeho**  
ignore him  
he's been watching horror stories on youtube for the past 5 hours

 **binblack**  
what does that have to do with what he just said?

 **memeho**  
there was this one video where the test subjects started eating each other and the researcher saw it and went "come on guys, that's not very comrade of you!"

 **aussieboo**  
that sentence leaves me with so many unanswered questions

 **minnie**  
what test subjects? what researcher? who? when? where? why? what experiment?

 **jisus**  
don't worry! it wasn't a real experiment, just a made up story  
but some people believe it really happened!

 **maknae**  
how did we go from talking about dates... to this?

 **aussieboo**  
i'm still wondering what "this" is

 **memeho**  
the russian sleep experiment  
it's just a story though so please don't be scared  
i have no intention of comforting any of you scaredy cats today

 **jisus**  
it's not very scary though

 **memeho**  
??? they took out their own organs and ate each other ??? while smiling and laughing ??? and you could see their intestines ???

 **tiktokstar**  
wHAT?!?!

 **chanpire**  
oookay, let's not traumatize each other today

 **jisus**  
it's not a real story though!

 **chanpire**  
yeah okay, anyway  
let's just not

 **memeho**  
we should do a sleep experiment ourselves!  
i bet we'd be real good at it

 **chanpire**  
i don't always have time to sleep, but when i do, i still don't

 **tiktokstar**  
lol same

 **jisus**  
i mean,,, vampires can stay awake longer than humans  
and three of us have insomnia  
so yeah we'd probably do pretty well!

 **minnie**  
and that is exactly why you shouldn't do it

 **binblack**  
seungmin has a point  
Please Don't

 **aussieboo**  
i can't believe we really have the four most chaotic vampires in our group

 **maknae**  
yeah  
why is it always you four?

 **chanpire**  
it isn't always us four though!  
sometimes it's the 2000 line

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah, and sometimes it's inminjin

 **minnie**  
and sometimes it's jilix  
actually, a lot of the time if we're being honest with ourselves, which we are

 **jisus**  
...no comment

 **tiktokstar**  
...no comment

 **jisus**  
JINX!

 **tiktokstar**  
JINX AGAIN!

 **maknae**  
hey i have a question  
you said you were considering getting patricia a sibling  
what happened with that?

 **tiktokstar**  
oh right

 **jisus**  
well, we've been looking at a few other types of houseplants

 **binblack**  
oh god, no

 **tiktokstar**  
and right now we're down to three options  
chinese evergreen, spider plant or peace lilies! :D

 **jisus**  
spider plants can give birth!

 **maknae**  
what

 **tiktokstar**  
well, they can apparently make little babies that you can repot somewhere else, so it's basically like giving birth!

 **memeho**  
i don't trust that  
pick one of the others

 **jisus**  
peace lilies can filter toxins from the air, according to nasa

 **maknae**  
ohh cool!

 **tiktokstar**  
and the chinese evergreen is supposed to deal better if you overwater it  
so it won't die easily if we water it too much

 **maknae**  
i just googled the peace lilies and it's pretty, please pick that one!

 **tiktokstar**  
okay innie!  
and we've already chosen a name for this child :)

 **chanpire**  
oh?

 **binblack**  
please don't name this one after another vine

 **jisus**  
...

 **tiktokstar**  
...

 **binblack**  
oh no  
you already did, didn't you?

 **jisus**  
...no comment

 **tiktokstar**  
...no comment

 **binblack**  
i shouldn't have had any expectations...

 **minnie**  
if you don't have any expectations, you can never be disappointed

 **maknae**  
words of wisdom

 **minnie**  
i know, i always try to live by that quote  
especially when it comes to you guys :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am big dumb and accidentally changed changbin's screen name in ch 32+33, it's normal now but i still haven't fixed it in those two parts. i'll do it soon :/
> 
> anyway, up next: name and species reveal for patricia's sibling! :D


	34. howdy y'all, wup?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the sanity is lost. but they have a new houseplant! :D

**group chat: sikk kids ayy get rekt (8)**

4:24 pm

**jisus**  
i had a thought

 **chanpire**  
oh no

 **jisus**  
y'all is short for you all  
howdy is short for how do you do  
moo is short for me too  
wup is short for what's up  
does that mean strids is short for stray kids?

 **binblack**  
^^one of these is not like the others

 **minnie**  
..."one"

 **tiktokstar**  
lmaooo

 **aussieboo**  
how did you even come up with that jisung?  
also,,, i don't think moo is a real word

 **chanpire**  
that's, like, the only real word he said  
wup, however...  
that one was clearly made up on the spot

 **tiktokstar**  
omg, chan hyung trying to tell us howdy isn't a real word!  
also, i thought it was short for how are you??

 **binblack**  
how would it be? where do you get the "are" from?

 **tiktokstar**  
how-are-dyou?  
howaredyou  
howardyu  
howrdy  
howdy

 **maknae**  
i think i lost a few braincells reading that

 **memeho**  
we all did

 **tiktokstar**  
okay but if i texted you like  
"howdy y'all, wup?"  
you would know exactly what i mean

 **minnie**  
"how do you do you all, what's up"  
slightly confusing sentence structure but sure

 **memeho**  
,,,if anyone finds my sanity, please return it to me asap

 **maknae**  
i found it! i'm the one who stole it! :D

 **memeho**  
please give it back, i need it

 **maknae**  
no u can't have it

 **memeho**  
pls innie  
i need it, it's all i have

 **maknae**  
no :)

 **memeho**  
:(

 **maknae**  
anyway  
what happened to the new adoption? :D

 **tiktokstar**  
we're at the hospital right now!

 **minnie**  
WHAT

 **chanpire**  
WHY?

 **binblack**  
guys, chill  
i'm pretty sure they mean the plant store shop thingy

 **jisus**  
i'm giving birth!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
come on honey, you can do it!

 **jisus**  
well i don't have much of a choice, do i :/  
it's not like you can just leave the fetus in there

 **memeho**  
lmaooo

 **tiktokstar**  
smartass :/

 **jisus**  
don't call me a smartass, i'm in labor!!!!!!!!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
ohmygosh, i'm so sorry love!  
you're doing so well!!!

 **minnie**  
am i the only one who's kinda bothered by this

 **chanpire**  
nope

 **memeho**  
but are we actually surprised?

 **binblack**  
nope  
it's just like any other day in our lives

 **maknae**  
i wanna hear the name reveal!  
they said this kid is also named after a vine  
also what are the pronouns for this child?

 **tiktokstar**  
good news guys, patricia just got a brother! :D  
his name...

 **jisus**  
is KYLE!

 **aussieboo**  
dude, what did you just say

 **minnie**  
step the fuck up kyle!

 **tiktokstar**  
yes! vine references!  
ah, patricia is going to be so happy

 **binblack**  
yeah well chan hyung isn't

 **maknae**  
what are you talking about?  
he's the one who gave a name to a wall

 **chanpire**  
ah yeah, innie has a point

 **binblack**  
okay  
on second thought, chan hyung has no right to be unhappy with this

 **chanpire**  
why would i be?  
i love patricia!  
another plant will be delightful  
i can't wait to meet the new little fella

 **tiktokstar**  
spoken like a true emotionally attached neighbor... :')

 **memeho**  
what are you talking about?

 **jisus**  
that's his role in our family universe! he's our neighbor!

 **maknae**  
i already love kyle and i haven't even met him yet  
omg i'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **minnie**  
jeongin, vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass: jilix's plants? yeah i love them a normal amount

 **aussieboo**  
*window breaks in the distance*

 **maknae**  
ha ha very funny  
but patricia! and kyle!  
i'm very emotionally attached to them <3

 **binblack**  
tbh i think we all are  
patricia truly is the highlight of our living room

 **tiktokstar**  
the highlight of my life!

 **binblack**  
??? what about your boyfriends ???

 **tiktokstar**  
oh yeah, u too  
when you're not stealing my lotion at least

 **jisus**  
hey! don't blame all of us for something only chan hyung and changbin hyung did!

 **memeho**  
but you've also been stealing lotion

 **jisus**  
yeah but not from lix

 **aussieboo**  
lol same

 **binblack**  
wait who's have you been stealing??

 **tiktokstar**  
they've been "borrowing" yours

 **binblack**  
ah, that's fine as long as you close the lid  
don't leave it open

 **aussieboo**  
i left it open  
oops...?

 **jisus**  
you did???  
i did too hahahhaha

 **binblack**  
no, you gotta close it!

 **maknae**  
so anyway  
when are you coming home with kyle? :D

 **tiktokstar**  
we're on our way right now!

 **maknae**  
yay!  
i can't wait to meet him ^-^

 **chanpire**  
see you both soon!

 **jisus**  
yeah, see you :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this weekend i learned that you can fit 2 weeks worth of work into 2 days with enough dedication :) hahah i shouldn't have procrastinated writing my essay for this long...


	35. mad lads in a mad world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mad world, 2000 line shenanigans, and levanter, because it is a Classic™. i know it only came out last december, but still. A Classic™

**group chat: spot kids (8)**

5:32 pm

**tiktokstar**  
all around me are

 **familiar faces**  
,

 **worn out places**  
,

 **worn out faces**  
,

 **memeho**  
i find it kind of funny

 **binblack**  
i find it kind of sad

 **chanpire**  
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had

 **minnie**  
...glad to see nothing has changed here  
you're all still the same

 **chanpire**  
but wait who's who??

 **maknae**  
the ones who changed their names have to be seungmin, jisung and hyunjin hyung  
cause everyone else is still the same

 **chanpire**  
oh yeah  
should've known this was something the 00s would do

 **tiktokstar**  
but i'm still me :( and i'm also part of 00 line :(  
this is felixphobic!!

 **worn out faces**  
lix you literally planned this with us  
you were the one who suggested we change our names

 **familiar faces**  
yeah you can't be mad

 **worn out places**  
we're all just mad lads in a madder world

 **chanpire**  
i have no idea who anyone is

 **binblack**  
does it matter?  
they're pretty much the same person to me at this point

 **worn out places**  
rUDE!

 **chanpire**  
i've never seen seungmin text like that, so that's either jisung or hyunjin

 **memeho**  
i have  
he does when he's annoyed  
so that could still be any of them

 **worn out faces**  
lmao, have fun figuring out who's who

 **familiar faces**  
it's kinda pointless but yea, have fun!

 **worn out places**  
can we change our names back now?

 **binblack**  
okay i'm calling it, worn out places is seungmin  
he's the most likely to get tired of this first

 **worn out places**  
:)

 **chanpire**  
an ominous smiley…  
i don't think that's seungmin

 **memeho**  
no but it would make sense for him to send an ominous smiley!  
like "yeah you're right but i wanna make you doubt yourself so i'll just send this smiley face"

 **tiktokstar**  
we will neither confirm nor deny your claims

 **familiar faces**  
aww but i wanna deny them when they're wrong :(

 **binblack**  
does that mean we were right about seungmin being worn out places?

 **familiar faces**  
nope!

 **tiktokstar**  
hyunjin!!!

 **memeho**  
OH!  
hyunjin is familiar faces  
and that means seungmin has to be worn out faces, since hyunjin said he's not worn out places  
which means jisung is worn out places!

 **worn out places**  
aww man

**worn out places** changed their name to **jisus**

**worn out faces** changed their name to **seungmo**

**familiar faces** changed their name to **hyuni**

**hyuni**  
and now what

 **chanpire**  
you all changed your names except jisung  
that's not what you were called before

 **seungmo**  
yeah and

 **hyuni**  
i didn't get to pick my name the first time cause seungmin chose it for me :((  
now i'm finally me!

 **jisus**  
i wAnnA Be MysELf...!

 **tiktokstar**  
I DON'T CARE

 **seungmo**  
yeAh i GoTtA bE mYseLf...!

 **hyuni**  
JUST DON'T CARE

 **maknae**  
wow, i can't believe levanter is what jesus created on the seventh day

 **chanpire**  
??? he didn't  
we created it ourselves

 **maknae**  
uhh, no.

 **seungmo**  
yeah innie is right

 **memeho**  
levanter was first performed in ancient greece over 2000 years ago  
it is a classic

 **chanpire**  
how can it be? it's less than a year old

 **jisus**  
it's a CLASSIC, hyung, don't disrespect our queen like this!

 **tiktokstar**  
all hail queen levanter!  
i can't believe she solved world hunger and invented peace!

 **binblack**  
in some weird way, it comforts me to know that this chat is always filled with crack  
like, i never have to wonder what's going on

 **memeho**  
yeah that's true  
you don't even have to read the messages to know that it's 100% bullshit

 **chanpire**  
this messy group chat is the only constant in our chaotic lives...

 **maknae**  
not sure how i feel about that

 **tiktokstar**  
personally, i love it

 **seungmo**  
of course you do  
you're you

 **tiktokstar**  
i feel attacked :/

 **seungmo**  
good cause you are

 **tiktokstar**  
:(

 **seungmo**  
:)

 **chanpire**  
:/

 **memeho**  
when words fail, all there's left to do is use emoticons

 **binblack**  
:/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MBCkpop misspelling levanter in the video title of that one stage compilation is peak comedy to me. stays were making fun of ourselves for not being able to spell it, but turns out no one can. ahhahahha


	36. 14 cans of coke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> height is all about perspective, and if you get banned from a convenience store just because you wanted to measure your height, it's absolutely worth it :)

**group chat: smol kids (8)**

3:41 pm

**maknae**  
controversial opinion:  
hyunjin hyung isn't tall, y'all are just tiny

 **hyuni**  
you make a good point

 **jisus**  
i am 14 cans of coke tall

 **chanpire**  
it disturbs me that you know this...  
actually, why do you know this?  
where are you?

 **memeho**  
jisung is with me & felix at the convenience store :)  
next up is measuring felix with juice boxes!

 **tiktokstar**  
in unrelated news: we are coming home with 14 cans of coke :)

 **maknae**  
wait did you measure him on the floor of the convenience store?  
why can't you just put the cans back?

 **jisus**  
the guy working here said that the only way he'd let us measure ourselves in coke cans was if we pay for them

 **memeho**  
yeah, and we've already done the measuring, so now we have to buy them

 **tiktokstar**  
bold of you to assume we laid them on the floor  
how do you know we didn't stack the cans on top of each other?

 **seungmo**  
sounds fake

 **memeho**  
fake & true ;)

 **maknae**  
wait did you really?

 **jisus**  
i mean, we tried  
was it a good idea? debatable  
did we succeed? depends on how you see it

 **hyuni**  
but did they fall over?

 **tiktokstar**  
that depends  
not all of them did

 **memeho**  
they didn't really fall as much as they simply toppled over  
i wouldn't call it a fall  
it was more like a nice, slow descent from a higher standpoint and down to the floor

 **minnie**  
is that not the definition of a fall?

 **tiktokstar**  
but fall makes it sound so dramatic!

 **chanpire**  
you mean it wasn't dramatic?

 **memeho**  
it was relatively calm, yes

 **chanpire**  
..."relatively"  
i don't like when you use that word, because you don't know how to use it  
what was it relative to?

 **memeho**  
i mean,,,  
imagine falling from a plane 3000 meters above ground with no parachute  
that'd be pretty dramatic  
compared to that, this was a very calm fall

 **jisus**  
agreed!

 **chanpire**  
but you're not gonna stack the juice boxes next, right?  
i feel like they're gonna loose balance pretty fast

 **maknae**  
dw hyung, everyone in this group is Tiny  
they'll only need, like, 3 juice boxes

 **tiktokstar**  
is binnie hyung not here rn?  
i feel like he should be offended, since we're talking about height

_binblack_ changed their name to main dishwasher

**main dishwasher**  
istg, the people in this household don't appreciate me enough  
i do so much yet i get so little respect

 **maknae**  
...what

 **seungmo**  
all you did was clean the dishes

 **main dishwasher**  
proof that you DO need me in your lives!

 **seungmo**  
we could easily replace you with a real dishwasher  
actually, we can and we will

 **main dishwasher**  
...

_main dishwasher_ changed their name to binblack

**binblack**  
sometimes i wonder why i love you guys :/

 **seungmo**  
aww, you love us? hahha that's embarrassing

 **chanpire**  
???  
we're dating though?

 **seungmo**  
yeah

 **chanpire**  
?

 **binblack**  
thanks seungmin

 **memeho**  
well, this conversation derailed quickly..  
moving on  
place your bets now!  
how tall do you felix is in juice boxes? :)

 **maknae**  
i have no real sense of how tall a juice box is..  
so i'm saying 20!

 **hyuni**  
nooo, it's gotta be way less  
i'll guess five

 **seungmo**  
...i think hyunjin is the one with no sense of how tall juice boxes are

 **hyuni**  
then what do you think seungminnie?

 **seungmo**  
fourteen

 **memeho**  
bad news everyone

 **chanpire**  
did the juice boxes fall over?

 **memeho**  
no

 **jisus**  
yeah

 **memeho**  
jisung! we weren't supposed to tell them!

 **tiktokstar**  
lmao it was hilarious! XD  
we got kicked out...  
but it was hilarious!

 **hyuni**  
does that mean we won't find out how many juice boxes tall felix are? :(

 **binblack**  
i'm betting 16

 **memeho**  
the bet is off

 **jisus**  
they don't want us to come back to that convenience store  
and we didn't even have time to finish measuring him :(

 **seungmo**  
you got banned?

 **tiktokstar**  
i dunno  
do they have to say "you're banned" or does it count if they say "we never wanna see you back here again"?

 **chanpire**  
i don't think you can get banned from a convenience store

 **seungmo**  
it doesn't sound like they want to see you back there again though

 **memeho**  
oh yeah, thanks seungmin  
we definitely hadn't figured that out

 **seungmo**  
glad to be of help :)

 **memeho**  
:/

 **binblack**  
i think it is possible to get banned from a convenience store  
just ask the manager

 **chanpire**  
what do you mean?

 **binblack**  
ask the person who works there if you're banned or not  
that should clear things up

 **hyuni**  
they can't just go back inside after getting kicked out and be like "so uhh, i know you said you never wanna see us again, but does this mean we're banned from here or was it more like a general wish for us to never come back?"  
"like, are we legally allowed to do so?"

 **memeho**  
well, felix just went back inside to ask, soo...

 **chanpire**  
that's great

 **maknae**  
^^i think you're meant to read that in a sarcastic voice

 **chanpire**  
you are absolutely correct  
i am Exasperated

 **jisus**  
i can see felix through the window  
lmao the cashier looks like he's Done™ with life

 **seungmo**  
i would be, too

 **memeho**  
lix is coming back now!

 **tiktokstar**  
they said yes

 **chanpire**  
so you're allowed to come back???

 **tiktokstar**  
no  
we're banned from there  
he even asked for our names so he could mark it down  
they apparently want pictures as well

 **memeho**  
we're going back inside now!

 **seungmo**  
you're not allowed to!  
please stop bothering the workers!

 **jisus**  
no no they asked us to come back  
to take photos of us

 **tiktokstar**  
we're gonna be famous 🤩

 **binblack**  
among the employees at our local convenience store

 **tiktokstar**  
still famous 🤩

 **seungmo**  
hey so this is unrelated but i just googled and did some math  
and i came to the conclusion that lix should be around 16 juice boxes tall

 **binblack**  
i was right!!

 **memeho**  
you cheated

 **binblack**  
i literally didn't

 **memeho**  
yeah but you have no way to prove it so that means you did and that means you lost because you cheated you cheater

 **maknae**  
my brain is struggling to comprehend that sentence

 **memeho**  
good  
it should

 **chanpire**  
please come home quick

 **memeho**  
why? are we late for something?

 **chanpire**  
no, but everyone is tired of your bullshit  
please come home so that all the suffering civilians won't have to be any more annoyed by you than they already are

 **jisus**  
understandable

 **tiktokstar**  
have a nice day!

 **chanpire**  
oookay...  
just,,, come home quick, yeah?

 **tiktokstar**  
you got it chief!

 **jisus**  
sure thing boss!

 **memeho**  
yessir!

 **chanpire**  
:/

 **maknae**  
lmao


	37. seawater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeongin does dangerous things, past hyunsung is apparently the same as current 2min (seungho? minseung?), and felix tries to claim the role of "the normal one"

**group chat: seal kids (8)**

4:47 pm

**maknae**  
hey is it dangerous to drink seawater?  
asking for a friend  
time sensitive question  
please respond  
if anyone is typing, do it faster

 **chanpire**  
yes! throw it up immediately!!!!

 **maknae**  
oh ok  
now what?

 **chanpire**  
what do you mean?

 **maknae**  
i threw it up and it just landed on the ground  
should i pick up the cup?

 **chanpire**  
wait, what cup?

 **maknae**  
the cup where i had the seawater?  
the one you just told me to throw up?  
i threw it up into the air and it landed on the ground

 **binblack**  
that's not what chan hyung meant when told you to throw it up

 **maknae**  
but i don't have anything else to throw

 **chanpire**  
did you or did you not just drink seawater?

 **maknae**  
i did, yeah  
is that bad?

 **hyuni**  
omg jeongin  
it's dangerous, you need to get it out of your body!

 **maknae**  
ugh, what a buzzkill :/  
but fine i guess

 **chanpire**  
where even are you?

 **maknae**  
went on a walk and i'm feeling  
#healthy #refreshed #awesome

 **memeho**  
good for you  
anyway  
while jeongin is doing that, does anyone else have something fun to say?

 **hyuni**  
i do!  
i just found some pictures of me and jisung from like four years ago  
we look like absolute BABIES

 **jisus**  
waaait  
jinnie omg do u remember what we were like back then??  
we hated each other's guts oof

 **hyuni**  
yeah omg we were so immature!

 **jisus**  
childish!

 **hyuni**  
our relationship was the WORST!  
and we were living together!  
woah,,, those were the days

 **jisus**  
remember when we were like "let's just pretend to like each other in front of the others"?

 **memeho**  
yo seungmin, that's like us now!

 **seungmo**  
wHAT  
LMAO

 **memeho**  
lol jk!

 **seungmo**  
OH NOOO  
HAHAHHAHAH  
come on hyung, don't expose the truth!

 **memeho**  
HAHAHAHAHHAHH

 **hyuni**  
lmao

 **jisus**  
can i just say, i live for minho hyung's laugh  
it's so pretty

 **seungmo**  
minho hyung can laugh? :o

 **memeho**  
aww that's cute ji <3  
seungmin i'm gonna kill you

 **seungmo**  
oh no, i'm shaking in my yeezy's

 **chanpire**  
sTOP IT with the yeezys already!!

 **maknae**  
hey guys i'm back now!  
and i have a question

 **chanpire**  
sure innie, what is it?

 **maknae**  
what's the name of the song that goes asejehe ha ehe adeheje heje sejeahe ahoa ahaja and a bobi and a bobidibi aseje he ha dehe dehejehea heje sejeahe ahoa ahaja and a bobi and a bobidibi?

 **binblack**  
...what

 **jisus**  
the ketchup song

 **maknae**  
thanks hyung!

 **tiktokstar**  
the more time i spend with you guys, the easier it is to believe that i'm actually pretty normal

 **binblack**  
boi, you're just as bad as everyone else

 **tiktokstar**  
oh really?  
jeongin drank seawater  
minho hyung is gonna kill seungmin  
and chan hyung can't go a day without being reminded of the yeezys

 **chanpire**  
...ffs

 **seungmo**  
double knot on my yeezys!

 **chanpire**  
oh no, not you too  
i trusted you seungmin

 **seungmo**  
that's your own fault hyung

 **memeho**  
yeah, he has a point :/

 **chanpire**  
can i please go... One (1) day…  
without attacking me in the gc?

 **maknae**  
i'm omw home now!

 **chanpire**  
good for you

 **tiktokstar**  
i know the rest of us are slowly losing our sanity, but jeongin seriously seems to be thriving  
share you secrets, young boi

 **maknae**  
no!

 **tiktokstar**  
ok :(

 **chanpire**  
okay, that's enough stupid content for today  
good job guys

 **maknae**  
i'll be home in like a minute everyone :D  
and i'm gonna be playing the ketchup song on repeat, so prepare yourselves!

 **chanpire**  
cool!

 **jisus**  
okay!

 **tiktokstar**  
nice!

 **maknae**  
omg  
the support...  
i wasn't expecting this positive response :')  
thank you so much  
i love you guys

 **hyuni**  
we love you too :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now i'm gonna go watch big time rush to distract myself from the fact that i have an individual sight reading test with my singing teacher in about an hour and i cannot read sheet music, at least not for vocals :D


	38. not like other guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin starts shit and honestly, there's a lot going on here today. they truly are not like any other guys

**group chat: stray keedz (8)**

6:15 pm

**hyuni**  
i'm not like other guys

 **seungmo**  
elaborate

 **chanpire**  
please don't

 **hyuni**  
no, i will not elaborate.

 **seungmo**  
ok.

 **chanpire**  
oh, phew

 **hyuni**  
okay wait actually, on second thought...

 **chanpire**  
hyunjin nO

 **hyuni**  
i'm not like other guys. no, i don't have this "sanity" you speak of  
normalcy? never heard of her  
and maybe i don't wear "shoes" or eat "food"  
but who are we to define normalcy!

 **binblack**  
the more you say, the more confused i find myself

 **chanpire**  
you and me both, pal

 **hyuni**  
anyway  
i'm here right now for two reasons  
number 1: how would you guys feel about a pet raccoon??

 **binblack**  
i'd be terrified

 **chanpire**  
highly worried

 **memeho**  
great, amazing, fantastic, show-stopping, never been done before, wonderful

 **hyuni**  
wow ok  
looks like it's just me & you minho hyung <3

 **seungmo**  
is that your first reason for bothering us rn?

 **hyuni**  
yeah  
and the second reason is:  
petition for minho hyung to start wearing a bell around his neck  
yknow, like a cat would

 **seungmo**  
…why

 **hyuni**  
the benefits of making him wear a bell would be that i'd get scared way less, and also i'd be less likely to die from a heart attack before i'm even 25

 **maknae**  
omg remember when jisung hyung scared you so much in the hotel room and you fell down really dramatically?

 **jisus**  
lol i still have the video from that  
i consider it one of my proudest moments

 **chanpire**  
wait can we remind  
why are you talking about a raccoon?  
your question fills me with Fear

 **seungmo**  
yeah that's a valid concern  
do you something to tell us hyunjin?

 **binblack**  
there's no raccoon in our house, right?

 **hyuni**  
no, i just saw a raccoon on the news and figured it would make a cute pet!

 **maknae**  
it absolutely would not, but ok

 **tiktokstar**  
you do you jinnie

 **binblack**  
hey do you remember that one time felix was on the news and the subtitles called him a "lost child"  
and someone sent a screenshot of it in this gc, then we never spoke of it ever again???

 **jisus**  
oh yeah what was that all about?

 **chanpire**  
i can't even remember why felix was on the news,,  
wait did we ever actually find out?

 **binblack**  
i don't think we did..?

 **hyuni**  
what does that have to do with the raccoon?

 **binblack**  
idk  
i just thought of that when you mentioned watching the news

 **memeho**  
can i just say, i will not be wearing a bell around my neck  
no matter how many people sign his petition

 **hyuni**  
:(

 **tiktokstar**  
it's not about the number of names, it's about how strongly we feel about it  
and i feel Strongly about this matter  
please wear a bell, hyung

 **memeho**  
no that's not how petitions wORK

 **chanpire**  
minho, you won't be able to stop them  
you should know that by now

 **jisus**  
i have a choker with a bell on it

 **hyuni**  
omg!  
can i please borrow it? :D

 **jisus**  
sure! :D

 **binblack**  
...are we just not gonna ask why he has that?

 **chanpire**  
let's just ignore it

 **binblack**  
ok

 **memeho**  
i'm not gonna wear it!

 **hyuni**  
yes you are!  
get back here!  
stop running!

 **chanpire**  
stop writing in the gc while you're running!

 **binblack**  
are they gone now?  
did we get rid of them??

 **chanpire**  
i can hear hyunho yelling somewhere in the house so i guess they're not gonna be writing anymore in the gc

 **seungmo**  
phew

 **tiktokstar**  
wdym "phew"?  
literally everyone else is still here, and we can be just as annoying :D

 **binblack**  
is that a threat?

 **tiktokstar**  
it's a promise :D

 **binblack**  
oh boy...

 **jisus**  
plant update!  
patricia is an absolute angel who's done nothing wrong, ever, and i love her with all my heart

 **tiktokstar**  
same as usual then

 **jisus**  
meanwhile, kyle is just Bastard  
but i love him anyway :D

 **binblack**  
you know what, hyunjin was right  
we're not like other guys  
shit like this keeps proving his point

 **maknae**  
well we've never claimed to be normal, so... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **seungmo**  
so much has happened here today in less than ten minutes  
first the raccoon, then the cat bell, then remembering felix on the news, and now the plants…  
will i ever experience normalcy? :/

 **chanpire**  
i mean...

 **maknae**  
probably not, but do you really want to?

 **seungmo**  
you have a point  
i Do Not want to

 **maknae**  
good :D

 **hyuni**  
mINHO HYUNG IS ESCPAING!!!!!

 **binblack**  
can you spell?

 **hyuni**  
can you let me live in peace?

 **binblack**  
if i did, the world would burn :/

 **hyuni**  
i mean... you make a good argument  
bUT ANYWAY  
MINHO!!!!!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
i'll help you catch him hyunjinnie! :D

 **jisus**  
me too!

 **maknae**  
i'm coming!  
but i'm not gonna help you  
i just wanna watch the drama

 **binblack**  
same, i'll get popcorn

 **maknae**  
thanks hyung!

 **chanpire**  
3 against 1 doesn't seem fair  
i'm gonna help minho

 **seungmo**  
oh damn  
i don't know if i should help minho hyung or hyunjin?

 **jisus**  
seungmo check private chat

 **seungmo**  
ooookay?

  
__

**jisus, seungmo [private chat]**

****

**jisus**  
start on minho hyungs team and then you can betray him! :D

 **seungmo**  
...is that what you're gonna do with hyunjin?

 **jisus**  
nah  
or i mean, yes, but i'm gonna betray them both  
don't you think hyunjin should wear a cat bell as well?

 **seungmo**  
you make a great argument! :)  
should we start our own team? work against both of them?

 **jisus**  
i bet we could get innie to join us

 **seungmo**  
true  
let's go!


	39. the bald one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> felix has whiplash and is dyeing his (and maybe jisung's) hair orange, seungmin is on a murder spree, jeongin and minho are moving to antarctica… yeah i think that sums it up pretty well

**group chat: stray kiddos (8)**

2:20 pm

**seungmo**  
people say they want attention until you give it to them

 **hyuni**  
???

 **seungmo**  
but as soon as you give them attention, they try to run away

 **maknae**  
yOU TRIED TO CUT MY HAIR

 **seungmo**  
you would look better bald  
come back here!  
lemme cut it

 **memeho**  
i thought chan hyung was gonna be the bald one?

 **seungmo**  
we can have more than one bald member

 **memeho**  
ah, understandable. please resume what you were doing

 **maknae**  
i don't wanna be bald!

 **tiktokstar**  
no one wants to be bald, but it's not a choice

 **seungmo**  
fuck you

 **tiktokstar**  
:o  
sad and offended _woah_

 **seungmo**  
no, not you  
wait how did you get cursive letters?  
we're texting

 **tiktokstar**  
that's a secret i'll never tell

 **seungmo**  
yeah ok anyway  
can someone hold innie still?  
i need to shave his hair

 **chanpire**  
you need to WHAT?

 **binblack**  
the fuck did we miss?

 **tiktokstar**  
you haven't missed anything yet, they're just getting started!

 **maknae**  
i regret  
e v e r y t h i n g  
i wanna leave

 **tiktokstar**  
too bad! you can't! :D

 **seungmo**  
don't lie, you love it here  
it's a fun place

 **jisus**  
that's debatable  
the only reason i'm here is cause i didn't wanna sleep in a dumpster

 **chanpire**  
so you admit you were gonna sleep in the dumpster!

 **jisus**  
no!

 **chanpire**  
uhh, yes, you just said it!

 **jisus**  
NO!

 **chanpire**  
yes!!

 **hyuni**  
huh???

 **binblack**  
just ignore them  
they have a past

 **memeho**  
they're dating right now though?  
what do you mean they have a past?

 **binblack**  
i'm honestly not sure  
i asked about it once and never got a clear answer :/

 **jisus**  
i would NEVER sleep in a dumpster

 **chanpire**  
yes you would

 **memeho**  
i have no idea what you're talking about, but i could definitely imagine you sleeping in a dumpster

 **chanpire**  
see? minho agrees!  
therefore, my point has been proven true

 **jisus**  
minho hyung wasn't there  
he's not a credible source

 **memeho**  
lmao true

 **tiktokstar**  
hahhaha this is unrelated but  
i just headbanged so hard that i made myself dizzy

 **hyuni**  
okay but honestly  
headbanging so much that you give yourself a concession is a very felix thing to do

 **memeho**  
yeah, i would not be surprised if he did that

 **tiktokstar**  
i never said got a concussion :/ everything just got a bit blurry and trippy for a few moments

 **chanpire**  
...

 **tiktokstar**  
but i'm good now :D

 **hyuni**  
sounds exactly like what you would say if you weren't fine

 **tiktokstar**  
you can't prove it :D

 **chanpire**  
hey not to interrupt but  
can we get an update on seungmin and jeongin?  
kinda curious to see what happened with that

 **seungmo**  
i can't find him :(

 **maknae**  
and you never will!  
i won't come back unless you promise not to shave my head

 **seungmo**  
but i can't promise that!

 **maknae**  
tough luck!  
i guess i'm just never coming back then :D

 **chanpire**  
ok cool  
do you want someone to bring you food, wherever you're hiding?

 **maknae**  
…yes please

 **hyuni**  
ooh can i bring you food?

 **maknae**  
NO!  
my location wouldn't be safe with you  
you would sell me out to seungmin hyung for a half-eaten cookie!

 **hyuni**  
lmao that's true, cookies are delicious

 **jisus**  
can I bring you food then? :D

 **maknae**  
N O that's even worse  
you would sell me out to seungmin hyung for fun :/

 **jisus**  
oh yeah i guess that's true lol

 **binblack**  
guys, hear me out  
what if seungmin just… doesn't shave his hair?

 **seungmo**  
wdym hyung?  
i can't just NOT do it

 **binblack**  
uhh, yes?  
it's simple  
just Don't Do It

 **seungmo**  
too bad, all i saw was "Just Do It" so i guess i'm doing it now :D

 **tiktokstar**  
omg i'm gonna dye my hair orange :D

 **jisus**  
omg i also wanna dye my hair orange :D

 **chanpire**  
what  
what the fuck  
i think i just got whiplash from that abrupt change of topic

 **tiktokstar**  
lmao same  
but my whiplash is because my neck really hurts from when i was headbanging

 **hyuni**  
i think you should get that checked out...

 **tiktokstar**  
nah, i don't think i will :)

 **hyuni**  
suit yourself

 **maknae**  
good news guys!  
i'm moving to antarctica

 **memeho**  
yo! i also wanna move to antarctica

 **maknae**  
cool! we can go together! :D  
promise you won't shave my hair?

 **memeho**  
promise <3

 **maknae**  
<3

 **chanpire**  
uhm, okay  
so felix has whiplash and is dying his hair orange with jisung, seungmin is on a murder spree, jeongin & minho are moving to antarctica…  
did i miss anything?

 **memeho**  
i don't know  
what's hyunjin and changbin doing?

 **binblack**  
nothing

 **hyuni**  
making out ;)

 **binblack**  
…

 **chanpire**  
good to know  
well then i'm just gonna head to bed :)

 **hyuni**  
it's 2 pm?

 **chanpire**  
Well Then I'm Just Gonna Head To Bed :)

 **hyuni**  
oookay

 **memeho**  
hang on, how do you get to antarctica?  
do you have to swim there???

 **maknae**  
wait, where even is antarctica?

 **chanpire**  
…

 **binblack**  
oh, ffs :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i'm gonna say it: side effect is my favorite title track. fight me
> 
> actually no please don't fight me i'm sensitive and i love hearing different opinions. i'm just saying. side effects will always be That Bitch


	40. ayo, my man's tripping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "me and the boys be slut dropping to into the unknown" -lee minho in this chapter
> 
> on an unrelated note, i hope bang chan knows that he owns my heart. i don't say it enough, but he does

**group chat: spice kids (8)**

9:17 pm

**jisus**  
hey guys!!!  
there's a city in the sky!!!

 **binblack**  
ayo, my man's trippin

 **chanpire**  
no jisung  
you're just upside down

 **maknae**  
...i think i'd rather not know what you three are doing

 **hyuni**  
oh no, it's not just 3racha  
minho hyung and lix are also with them

 **maknae**  
oh wow  
i still don't wanna know what's going on

 **binblack**  
minho hyung and jisung are grinding on each other now

 **seungmo**  
well damn  
are they drunk?

 **chanpire**  
nope, completely sober behavior

 **hyuni**  
why did no one invite me to this outing!!  
i also wanna grind on someone :(

 **seungmo**  
wait didn't you just say jisung was upside down?  
how quickly did he go from being upside down to grinding on minho hyung??

 **tiktokstar**  
very fast, lemme tell you

 **binblack**  
that boi is quick when he wants to be

 **maknae**  
why is everyone here so weird  
i don't remember this being in the contract :/

 **binblack**  
you got to sign a contract???  
i was just taken and kept here against my will

 **jisus**  
oh yeah, keep pretending  
we all know you had no objections to staying ;)

 **seungmo**  
wait so changbin hyung is out with all the vampires right now?

 **maknae**  
hahahah lol sucks for him

 **binblack**  
vampire squad?  
more like team elsa

 **tiktokstar**  
into the unknOOOOOOWN

 **memeho**  
me and the boys be slut dropping to into the unknown

 **chanpire**  
minho stop

 **jisus**  
no, let him continue!  
we really do be slut dropping to the entire frozen soundtrack

 **maknae**  
i'm SO glad i'm not with you right now

 **tiktokstar**  
what makes you think we're gonna stop when we get home?

 **maknae**  
wishful thinking :/

 **tiktokstar**  
ah, understandable  
you're wrong for thinking that but i don't blame you for hoping :)

 **chanpire**  
we're coming home from the park soon  
i just gotta collect everyone

 **seungmo**  
gotta catch em all

 **hyuni**  
i'm running out to meet you :D

 **binblack**  
i'm running away to escape this mess  
me and hyunjin can change place

 **hyuni**  
happily!!

 **memeho**  
sadly, we are on our way back to the house now  
i already miss the park…

 **jisus**  
same :(

 **chanpire**  
ffs, you can still slutdrop and "sing" frozen songs when we're back at the house

 **tiktokstar**  
and we will!  
also stop making it sound like you weren't singing with us, because you were

 **maknae**  
yes felix hyung! call him OUT!

 **chanpire**  
ok we're coming back now  
ly, ttyl, bye

 **memeho**  
ending the conversation a bit quick there

 **binblack**  
as he should

-

evil is a choice. silence is also a choice. please don't make that choice, don't enable people who do wrong. i'm asking you to speak up. a thousand voices speaking in unison will always be louder than one person yelling. do what you can to support blm.

(i was gonna put a link here to a petition for george floyd but my computer is FUCKING WITH ME and won't let me open the FUCKING PAGE (excuse my language) so i'll come back and do that whenever my computer decides to stop being racist.)

[edit] here's the link: http://chng.it/6Lp4bYYyW2


	41. stray… kings?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they finally settle on a chat name :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me clicking on the highlight reel: oh maybe this is gonna make things clearer
> 
> me after watching the highlight reel: everything's more clear now. somehow i'm also much more confused

**group chat: spy kids (8)**

11:51 pm

**hyuni**  
seungmin, looking at his empty planner: hmm what havoc should i wreak today?

 **maknae**  
it sounds like you're joking but he actually said that

 **hyuni**  
felix, looking at his empty planner: hmm what shenanigans am i up to today?

 **memeho**  
ohh i wanna add!  
jisung, looking at his empty planner: hmm what chaos should i cause today?

 **maknae**  
hyunjin, looking at his empty planner: hmm what drama should i start today?

 **tiktokstar**  
thanks guys for turning us into memes

 **binblack**  
you already were

 **jisus**  
jeongin, looking at this empty planner: hmm which member should i kill today?

 **maknae**  
not even worried about it

 **seungmo**  
lmao  
i support these statements

 **tiktokstar**  
guys!!!  
today i made a life changing discovery

 **chanpire**  
oh? what is it?

 **tiktokstar**  
booty rhymes with fruity  
or at least it does if you pronounce it a certain way

 **chanpire**  
...nevermind, i shouldn't have asked

 **hyuni**  
good for you felix!

 **tiktokstar**  
i also made another discovery!

 **chanpire**  
oh no

 **tiktokstar**  
or it actually wasn't a discovery, it was more of a realization

 **memeho**  
well then let's hear it! :)

 **tiktokstar**  
i'm austraylian

 **binblack**  
...

 **hyuni**  
...

 **seungmo**  
...

 **chanpire**  
yeah mate!! woo!

 **maknae**  
oh i get it  
auSTRAYlian  
cause you're from australia and we're stray kids!

 **jisus**  
we're actually spy kids today

 **chanpire**  
hey i have a suggestion  
how about... we pick a chat name... and stick to it?

 **binblack**  
radical idea, hyung

 **memeho**  
you're a bit ahead of your time though

 **tiktokstar**  
yeah  
decisions such as that one should not be taken lightly

 **jisus**  
changing chat name adds a special flavor to the conversation that you can't achieve in any other way

 **chanpire**  
jisung what the fuck

 **maknae**  
he's right hyung

 **memeho**  
yeah  
as rare as it is, he's actually right

 **jisus**  
:o

 **chanpire**  
let's say we decide to pick a chat name and stick to it  
what should the name be?

 **binblack**  
idk, stray kids?

 **hyuni**  
bad, boring, bland, next one please

 **memeho**  
honestly i don't even know who's been changing the chat name and when  
i've never seen it happen but there's a new one every morning

 **tiktokstar**  
me, jisung, changbin hyung, sometimes hyunjin  
we've all been changing it :)

 **hyuni**  
but we only do it between 3-6 am to make sure that no one sees it!

 **memeho**  
in ch re sti ng

 **chanpire**  
???

 **seungmo**  
okay so should we decide on a chat name?

 **maknae**  
we've had this chat for y e a r s  
and it's never had the same name longer than a week

 **chanpire**  
well what should the chat name be then?  
stray kids is apparently too bland for hyunjin

 **hyuni**  
i mean... it is

 **chanpire**  
but i don't wanna be spy kids for the rest of eternity

 **jisus**  
omg  
kyle is looking at the window right now!!!

 **tiktokstar**  
mY CHILD!!!!! TAKING HIS FIRST PEEK AT THE SUN!

 **memeho**  
am i allowed to be disturbed?

 **seungmo**  
no, you're a part of this whether you want to or not

 **memeho**  
ok

 **chanpire**  
guys  
chat name?

 **tiktokstar**  
kyle and patricia's family  
that's my suggestion

 **seungmo**  
an abundance of leaf heads  
that's my suggestion

 **tiktokstar**  
hey they kinda match! kyle & patricia are plants, which kinda matches with leaf heads! :D

 **hyuni**  
we're all leaf heads and proud of it! :D

 **maknae**  
lmao  
please find a better name

 **chanpire**  
yeah i agree with innie

 **binblack**  
just go with stray kids!  
it's not boring, it's what we call ourselves

 **memeho**  
No Thanks

 **binblack**  
well, then you can come up with something better!

**memeho** set the chat name to **stray kings**

**memeho**  
if anyone touches the chat name i'll kick you out

 **maknae**  
not even worried about it

 **chanpire**  
jeongin, stop making vine references

 **tiktokstar**  
exactly! that's my job!

 **chanpire**  
…not what i meant :/

 **hyuni**  
hyung you should know by now that you will never be understood  
you and your pink bunny slippers

 **binblack**  
the fuck are you talking about?

 **chanpire**  
Big Sigh

 **seungmo**  
oh damn  
it's been a while since i last saw Big Sigh

 **jisus**  
he actually added it into a song recently

 **hyuni**  
wHAT???? :O

 **tiktokstar**  
seriously???

 **jisus**  
yeah but jokingly  
he only did it for the memes :)

 **chanpire**  
okay thanks for today everyone!  
we got a chat name, we're good now

 **seungmo**  
lmao he just doesn't wanna deal with us any longer

 **chanpire**  
i mean  
why would i?  
this chat is killing my brain cells

 **jisus**  
did you know that the feeling of being drunk is actually just the feeling of your brain cells dying?

 **memeho**  
thanks for your wisdom, young one

 **jisus**  
brain cells are more sensitive than other cells so they die when there's an imbalance of salt between the bloodstream and the inside of the cell  
i don't remember the fancy words but yeah

 **tiktokstar**  
oh damn you just made this educational

 **jisus**  
lmao

 **memeho**  
Goodbye. :)

 **chanpire**  
yeah guys go to bed  
it's after midnight now

 **tiktokstar**  
bold of you to assume i'm not already in bed

 **binblack**  
how dare you assume i'm not already in bed

 **seungmo**  
same

 **maknae**  
yeah me too

 **memeho**  
actually, everyone's already in bed

 **chanpire**  
oh! good!

 **jisus**  
goodnight everyone! :D

 **hyuni**  
goodnight peeps! <3

 **tiktokstar**  
god nite ^o^

 **memeho**  
night!

 **binblack**  
bye <3

 **seungmo**  
goodnight!

 **maknae**  
night night :D

 **chanpire**  
goodnight everyone <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man idk what i'm doing but this fic is finished now. there has never been any plot so it could go on forever, but i wanna focus on writing other fics now :)
> 
> EDIT: i made this the first part of a series and i'm gonna post a new work either today of tomorrow and it's the story of how chan met jisung in this universe (aka the dumpster story)
> 
> thanks for reading this fic! i'm still writing, just not on this one anymore. take care!


End file.
